When Regular Car Reviews finally got their hands on a 2013 Shelby GT500, we got a few brief seconds of something revolutionary—the opening lines of the “Battle Hymn of The Bro,” which now has a full version to be fully adopted immediately as our new national anthem.


Listen to it. Study it. Wake the kids up, find the tiny hand-held flag on the top shelf of the closet and stab-mount it directly through the dry-wall. Take off your hat, cover your heart, and repeat after me:

Mine eyes have glory of the coming of the Bro.

He is exiting the car show with his other Bros in-tow;

He is losing all the traction from his terrible 5-0.

He’s heading traffic on!

Glory glory hallelujah! (x3)

Another Mustang crashed!

Here come the cops a-wailin’ and his eyes are getting damp.

We have build-ed him an altar out of zip-ties and pipe-clamps.

I can read his righteous sentence by the flairs and flashing lamps.

His day is truly boned!

Glory glory hallelujah! (x3)

You brought this on yourself!