Car forums should be about lending a helping hand to fellow car enthusiasts as well as the uninitiated. Jalopnik readers found that they're sometimes just about the most mindless places on the Internet.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
If you think we forgot about any particular legendary trolls, or if you've been burned by any genuinely moronic advice, let us know in Kinja below. Don't forget to link to the original thread so we know you're not trolling us, too.
Photo Credit: Jalopnik
10.) Weld Your Diff, Bro. It Gives You Extra Traction
Here we have another classic forum troll. You can see the original thread where a guy claims to have been advised to weld his diff for extra traction, only to pretzel his driveline. There's no way this one is real, we hope.
9.) Bro, Just Run Water Through The Engine To Clean It
Among the worst advice on car forums is forum trolling. It only gets worse when trolling leads to counter-trolling, in the famous example of the water Mustang. At first a newb thread ends with the sagely advice "haha awsome, make sure wen u drain ur oil u flush it out with about 20-30 gallons of water threw there and crank it over a few times, it will really help u out." Four days later we get this gem.
My car was idling like crap the other day so I figured since I just got it, it may have been awhile since anyone changed the oil out. I decided to go ahead and change the oil. I used Mobile 1 synthentic oil like I was reccomended on here. Anyways, I drain out the oil and noticed it was extremely dark and even after 10 minutes of draining, it was still coming out. I decided to go ahead and flush it to make sure all the bad stuff got out. I hooked up the hose, ran water through the engine, started it up and was waiting for the water to come out clean (The engine never went above idle so I was told this would be ok). Anyways, About 3 minutes into this, then engine starts shaking and shuts off. I figured it was all cleaned out so I plugged it up, added the oil and figured I was ready to go. WRONG! The car won't freaking start now. This car has been nothing but trouble for me, I think I am done with it.
8.) Chip That Diesel For Extra Power, Bro
A common line on diesel forums is that OEM parts should be able to handle 200-500% of stock power with a simple chip. These forum posts are typically followed a few weeks later with complaints about blown head gaskets and/or wrecked bottom ends. Big surprise.
7.) Stiffen Up Your Car, You'll Go Hella Fast, Bro
As we speak, there are thousands of teenagers stiffening the living crap out of their cars, turning them into bone-rattling torture boxes. There is more to life than swaybars.
6.) Bro, Homemade Turbos Are Hella Easy
People still think that you can just throw a turbocharger at an engine and BAM! Instantly double your power. There's actually a lot of work that goes into any turbocharger build, and it's not for the faint of heart. Still, forum-dwellers recommend the operation all the time, no matter what the skill level.
5.) Look, Bro, Just Stretch The Tires
If you want to look trendy and only let your car go slow, sure, tire stretching is a fun thing to do. Just don't be surprised when the whole tire tears apart one day.
4.) Just Throw An HID Kit On It, Bro
HID kits almost universally look dumb, they shine light like crazy if your car isn't set up for them, and the bulbs wear out all the time. Of course forum dudes recommend them like crazy.
3.) Bro, Getting Your Economy Car Into The 14s Is No Problem, Bro
The dumbest question asked on forums is ‘how do I make my POS to run 14s and be super fast?' The worst advice is to say that it's anywhere near possible. In a classic forum-shared article Sport Compact Car showed just what it does take to get a Sentra to that kind of speed, and they had to cut the car down to the frame.
2.) I Know, Bro, Just Run The Exhaust Into The Engine
Ah, Direct Exhaust Injection, the greatest internet car troll of all time. Read the thread right here and laugh until you cry.
1.) Just Cut The Springs, Bro
Thanks to forums, we live in a world full of heated springs, poorly cut springs, and totally ruined cars. Lower the car they said. It'll be fun they said.