For some reason, every time I seem to turn on the televisior this Scion ad is on. And for some other reason, this commercial makes me want to scan myself into the TV, Tron-style, and punch every one of those goddamn Scion-owning smug-ass rhythm-talkers right in their stupid pretty faces.

I don't have anything against Scion, either. I think the FR-S is fantastic, and I even own a manual 1st-gen xB, the nice pure, unashamedly boxy one before they ruined it. But this ad. This stupid ad. They're doing some weird, possibly illegal and definitely unethical low-level brain hacking to make the soundtrack lodge in your head, so 20 minutes later you find your eyes glazing over and crosssing as you say "EFF. ARRE. ESS." in a strange monotone. Then you hate yourself for a minute or two.

I get they're happy they've been around 10 years, and that's great. If they want to put electroluminescent Scion badges all over the cars, fine, have at it. But this inane fake party, with the creepily perfect, racially diverse people, with their glowing bikes and fireworks and forced laughs and vapid stares. It creeps me the fuck out, and I just want them to go away.

Seriously, Scion, what the hell are you actually advertising here? Here's what I learn from this ad:

• Scion sells cars.

• Scion owners dress in crisp clothing and meet up for full-day outings

• These outings consist of sitting around a table, repeating the letters that make up the names of your cars in a stilted monotone

• Then, fireworks.

Who sees this and thinks, "Sold! I'm gonna get a Scion, clean clothes, and a lobotomy and live the SCION LIFE!"

So, Scion ad people, please, for the sake of our collective humanity, shove this ad up your collective ass. Thank you.