nutbastard explains: The Internet The Internet is a worldwide electronic communications and multimedia network and was invented by Al Gore in 1998. It originally started as a more convenient way to circulate chain letters and advertisements, but has since evolved into a repository for pornography and educational information, which usually pertains to which methods to use when you don't want someone to taze you, bro. Contrary to popular belief, The Internet is not a truck, but is, rather, a series of tubes. These tubes were first put in place by immigrant labor in the early 1900s, but credit for this innovation lies with the white people who toiled in hostile conditions for days on end, whipping the immigrants endlessly, and telling them to do it. When The Internet first came online, it was very difficult for its users to come online as well. The tubes that made up the original framework had rusted considerably over the last century, and developed performance inhibiting bottlenecks where stray ones and zeros became tangled and matted together. This made it impossible to even approach the ranges of PPPs (Porn Picture Per Second) that could be considered fapable in modern society. In order to alleviate all that was backed up, in 1999 larger diameter tubes were ordered installed worldwide. After this transition, the average users PPPs increased by an order of magnitude, which had the unintended effect of doubling both the divorce rate and instances of carpal tunnel syndrome, as well as tennis elbow and fappers thumb. Also of concern was the use of the internet by pedophiles and Nigerian con men. As a measure against some of the more nefarious evildoers, in 2001 President Bush ordered all dark corners of the internets to be cleared of lurkers. This is somewhat of a misstatement, though, as it is commonly known that the tubes are round, and thus free of corners. Regardless, congress promptly passed the Snake Act, which required that all tubes be periodically scraped and flushed of debris. The then popular web browser Mosaic was renamed Netscrape in honor of this glorious achievement. Having solved all the problems with the Internet in one fell swoop, users were now free to divulge their personal information with impunity through the use of social networking sites. However, additional complications have arisen subsequent to an Amendment to the Constitution that finally gave Women the right to log on. One problematic effect of that controversial decision that remains even today is the inability to establish the actual gender of anonymous correspondents. This has led most users to adopt the edict, "Male until proven otherwise". Additionally, the open nature of the Internet and the lack of user education has led to many viruses infecting and propagating through cyberspace. While it is commonly known now that accessing the Internet without protection is risky, the whole issue is complicated by a convoluted naming convention that labels some viruses "Trojans", which causes much confusion as to whether or not users need one, considering the Internet has its own. This confusion has resulted in a number of illnesses that inhibit users abilities to create original content. The most notable is First! Syndrome, which has a 12% saturation at the time of this writing. Other examples include Playdooms Disorder and Blends Disease, although these have been shown to be curable with treatment. Unfortunately First! Syndrome is still incurable and its victims are often ostracized when the fact of their infection becomes public. While a harsh practice, it is the only known effective method of curbing an ever climbing infection rate. The Internet continues to grow and enhance itself with the steady addition of newer, larger tubes, and shows no sign of slowing down. Although the Internet remains troubled, most people do not think it is teh suck. MORE »