I have the same ritual.
Every winter has that ONE night. Children toss and turn in their beds, unable to sleep from the anticipation of the coming snow day. Plow drivers give their loved ones a last kiss before heading out into a long, cold night. And I head to my garage, top off the windshield wiper fluid, check tire pressures, don driving gloves and head out into the fresh snow.
Here in St. Louis, last night was our first real snowfall. I celebrated the occasion by taking my car out for its first winter shakedown. Lots of changes this year - FWD and a manual transmission in place of AWD and an automatic. But the lack of grip is compensated for by better tires, more nimble steering and a lighter chassis.
I hit the usual spots. The abandoned industrial complex behind my local big-box store makes an excellent winter skid pad. An open warehouse, big parking lot and the occasional light post provide good surface variance without too many obstacles. The next stop is my local park, which has a long and winding car trail - perfect for judging the limits of lift-off oversteer in ice and snow.
I headed home around 3am, confident in my and my car's abilities. I pulled into my garage as the first snow plow made its way down my street.
If i'm dropping $6500 to buy a project car that someone else's wife hates - which pretty much ensures that MY wife will hate it, too - I'd damn well better be getting a parts car or two in the bargain.
Because how else am I going to make my Jalopy Voltron?
Because how else am I going to make my Jalopy Voltron?
The existence of this vehicle raises SO MANY QUESTIONS.
-Does it need to be registered as a car? Is it even street legal?
-Is there a diff on the rear axle, or will this thing erode rear tires as quickly as it has eroded my sanity?
-What about brakes? Do both wheels have the original drum brakes, or has the builder opted for something really interesting, like single-wheel braking or an axle-mounted disc brake (in which case I hope this thing doesn't have a rear diff)?
-Is there really this much meth in Knoxville?
I'm abstaining from a vote until I get some answers. These are important issues that determine the exact size of the crack pipe I'll be smoking from.
-Does it need to be registered as a car? Is it even street legal?
-Is there a diff on the rear axle, or will this thing erode rear tires as quickly as it has eroded my sanity?
-What about brakes? Do both wheels have the original drum brakes, or has the builder opted for something really interesting, like single-wheel braking or an axle-mounted disc brake (in which case I hope this thing doesn't have a rear diff)?
-Is there really this much meth in Knoxville?
I'm abstaining from a vote until I get some answers. These are important issues that determine the exact size of the crack pipe I'll be smoking from.
GT5 2.0, in a nutshell:
Pros
-shorter load times
-bonuses to credits and XP for consecutive logins
-you can finally save endurance races!
Cons:
-those shortened load times don't actually load the entire track, so you'll still have to wait 30-45 seconds to play. or setup your transmission/suspension for the track.
-credits & XP awarded in seasonal events have been cut by more than half, which means no more grinding around the Circuit de la Sarthe to save up for that LeMans Prototype or F1 car
-if you save an endurance race, you have no choice but to quit the game - and the next time you start GT5 you'll be automatically dropped back in your race. So you're committed to that race until it's done.
Result:
A total fucking wash.
Pros
-shorter load times
-bonuses to credits and XP for consecutive logins
-you can finally save endurance races!
Cons:
-those shortened load times don't actually load the entire track, so you'll still have to wait 30-45 seconds to play. or setup your transmission/suspension for the track.
-credits & XP awarded in seasonal events have been cut by more than half, which means no more grinding around the Circuit de la Sarthe to save up for that LeMans Prototype or F1 car
-if you save an endurance race, you have no choice but to quit the game - and the next time you start GT5 you'll be automatically dropped back in your race. So you're committed to that race until it's done.
Result:
A total fucking wash.
#COTD, because INSANITY
I think of this /every single time/ I drive my mom's 1969 Karmann Ghia, with it's godawful, anemic, nazi-engineered, 34-hp clatterfest in the trunk...
Karmann Ghia + FJ20 from a Subaru STi
No other modifications. Keep the pea-shooter exhausts. Don't touch the suspension, don't fix the body roll, don't lower the ride height or stiffen the springs. For christssakes, keep the engine in the wrong end of the car. Keep the original gearbox, too - a top speed of 88 mph is all you'll need. And with the original brakes, it's all you'll want.
No one will EVER see it coming. And they'll probably only see it once, followed by a fire-y crash on the entrance into Turn 1.
Karmann Ghia + FJ20 from a Subaru STi
No other modifications. Keep the pea-shooter exhausts. Don't touch the suspension, don't fix the body roll, don't lower the ride height or stiffen the springs. For christssakes, keep the engine in the wrong end of the car. Keep the original gearbox, too - a top speed of 88 mph is all you'll need. And with the original brakes, it's all you'll want.
No one will EVER see it coming. And they'll probably only see it once, followed by a fire-y crash on the entrance into Turn 1.
Well, I'm more legs than torso, so that probably has something to do with it.
Head hitting the roof sucks. I won't even get in a car with a sunroof.
Head hitting the roof sucks. I won't even get in a car with a sunroof.
Look here midgets, I've already won a COTD for lamenting the vehicular options befitting a tall driver.
Allow me to recap:
(1) Big trucks = Big fail for tall guys. Upright driving position will SLAM your knees into the dashboard. Also, not a sports car.
(2) Definitely nothing by Lotus. A Lotus dealer once bet me if I could get in the Exige on his showroom floor he'd give it to me. I lost the bet.
(3) If I don't fit in Godzilla, he won't.
However - there is good news! Vehicles that will fit the amazingly tall:
-Mazdaspeed3
-Infiniti G35/7
-M3 Coupe
-Z06/ZR-1 Corvette
-Motorcycle, bitch!
Allow me to recap:
(1) Big trucks = Big fail for tall guys. Upright driving position will SLAM your knees into the dashboard. Also, not a sports car.
(2) Definitely nothing by Lotus. A Lotus dealer once bet me if I could get in the Exige on his showroom floor he'd give it to me. I lost the bet.
(3) If I don't fit in Godzilla, he won't.
However - there is good news! Vehicles that will fit the amazingly tall:
-Mazdaspeed3
-Infiniti G35/7
-M3 Coupe
-Z06/ZR-1 Corvette
-Motorcycle, bitch!
First dibs on the engine.
Seriously, though. You all heard me call it.
Seriously, though. You all heard me call it.
I see what you did there.
It's good for us to be tolerant of generation gaps.
It's good for us to be tolerant of generation gaps.
I drove a Jimny in the Caribbean a few years back. I called the rental agency and told them to give me whatever they had with a manual transmission.
I ended up with the choice between a 7-seat Subaru minivan or a Jimny. I rented the Jimny - with full insurance. Turned out that was the wise choice, since I nearly rolled it every time I went out.
My mom didn't opt for the insurance, which was unfortunate when she ended up on two corner wheels and tipped the car into a boulder.
Sometimes I lay awake at night and imagine the trouble I could have gotten into with that Subaru van.
I ended up with the choice between a 7-seat Subaru minivan or a Jimny. I rented the Jimny - with full insurance. Turned out that was the wise choice, since I nearly rolled it every time I went out.
My mom didn't opt for the insurance, which was unfortunate when she ended up on two corner wheels and tipped the car into a boulder.
Sometimes I lay awake at night and imagine the trouble I could have gotten into with that Subaru van.
Okay, I know most of us don't think of the Midwest as being the home of great driving roads. However, there are a number of AWESOME driving roads within 100 miles of St Louis. I may have even crashed my motorcycle on this particular one, but I still come back for more just about every weekend.
So, I present: Missouri 94, from Jefferson City to St Louis. 120 miles of high ridges, sweeping hills, twisty roads and a handful of long straights that run along the Missouri river. Sure, you can take the Interstate, which is about 20% shorter distance, but on the right day you'll beat your buddy that takes the interstate and arrive with a huge grin.
So, I present: Missouri 94, from Jefferson City to St Louis. 120 miles of high ridges, sweeping hills, twisty roads and a handful of long straights that run along the Missouri river. Sure, you can take the Interstate, which is about 20% shorter distance, but on the right day you'll beat your buddy that takes the interstate and arrive with a huge grin.
Infiniti G35/7x Sedan.
-VQ engine = meaty toques all over the place
-Well sorted suspension
-Drive it to that business meeting with your hair on fire, then take clients to lunch like a gentleman
-AWD system from the R33 GT-R means it's fast in the dry, in the wet, in the snow, on the track...
-Buy one in beige and Johnny Law will never bat an eye at the Hoon inside!
Did I mention I have one in Unpeakable Beige? I may hate the color, but I love the car. Bonus Points: At 6'9", I can still fit comfortably inside w/a helmet on (no sunroof, natch).
-VQ engine = meaty toques all over the place
-Well sorted suspension
-Drive it to that business meeting with your hair on fire, then take clients to lunch like a gentleman
-AWD system from the R33 GT-R means it's fast in the dry, in the wet, in the snow, on the track...
-Buy one in beige and Johnny Law will never bat an eye at the Hoon inside!
Did I mention I have one in Unpeakable Beige? I may hate the color, but I love the car. Bonus Points: At 6'9", I can still fit comfortably inside w/a helmet on (no sunroof, natch).
Thanks, but that's not the one I restored, just a similar year/color one that was easily google'd. We re-sprayed the original color of baby-blue (not that blau-chrome in the picture), and it's sitting on forged aluminium reproductions of the original wheels.
Literally every time I drive it somebody asks me how much I'd sell it for.
Literally every time I drive it somebody asks me how much I'd sell it for.
And THAT is the true spirit of slow-car-fast.
Sorry gents, but everyone who's suggesting a Miata, Mini Cooper S, Civic Si... I'm afraid you've lost the plot.
Sorry gents, but everyone who's suggesting a Miata, Mini Cooper S, Civic Si... I'm afraid you've lost the plot.
You want slow? As in, 43 bhp, air-cooled VW slow? What about slow with the engine in the wrong end, the gearbox out of a tractor, hand crafted italian bodywork and bias-ply tires?
I just finished restoring a 1968 Ghia for my mom. I bought it for her as a Mother's Day present, and I've been laboring on it for about 18 months. She gets it next week, but for now I've been hooning it... I mean, doing shake-down runs, to make sure she doesn't get stranded.
Massive amounts of body roll? Check. Vague steering via enormous, wooden steering wheel? Oh yeah. Snap oversteer at 9/10th's? All day long. The fastest I've seen the car go is about 75mph, which is fucking terrifying - particularly when you're driving in the rain with no ABS, 8" windshield wipers that don't work, and in a car so small that the 1992 Kia in the next lane looks like a Ford Explorer.
I just finished restoring a 1968 Ghia for my mom. I bought it for her as a Mother's Day present, and I've been laboring on it for about 18 months. She gets it next week, but for now I've been hooning it... I mean, doing shake-down runs, to make sure she doesn't get stranded.
Massive amounts of body roll? Check. Vague steering via enormous, wooden steering wheel? Oh yeah. Snap oversteer at 9/10th's? All day long. The fastest I've seen the car go is about 75mph, which is fucking terrifying - particularly when you're driving in the rain with no ABS, 8" windshield wipers that don't work, and in a car so small that the 1992 Kia in the next lane looks like a Ford Explorer.
Epic COTD
I hovered over NP, letting my mind drift into fantasies of buying this atrocity and hustling her cross country like a pimp in pursuit of the Player's Cup. After all, the 2904 does offer a trophy for those who choose to traverse this great nation in the most creative way possible.
But then I remember that buying this car would put me $6k over budget before I even filled it up with gas. And running the ton cross country in a Grandeur Coupe Royal would arch more sheriff's brows than McDonald's deciding to sell chocolate-glazed.
Sheriff B. Justice: "Now son, we're gonna have to sit here a spell while the boys look over that car of yours. I do hope you understand."
*Deputy runs over excitedly, whispers something into Sheriff's ear*
Sheriff B. Justice: "Son, I'm afraid that one of my fine deputies of the law has found something a might troubling in your engine bay. *walks over to open hood* Care to explain to me what you're hauling in here that's too special for that fine velour trunk o'yours?"
Your investment of $8,500 ensures mid-level fame in police blotters and 'wacky news' items all across the country. And as anyone from Jersey Shore will tell you, that's a small price to pay for that kind of celebrity.
But then I remember that buying this car would put me $6k over budget before I even filled it up with gas. And running the ton cross country in a Grandeur Coupe Royal would arch more sheriff's brows than McDonald's deciding to sell chocolate-glazed.
Sheriff B. Justice: "Now son, we're gonna have to sit here a spell while the boys look over that car of yours. I do hope you understand."
*Deputy runs over excitedly, whispers something into Sheriff's ear*
Sheriff B. Justice: "Son, I'm afraid that one of my fine deputies of the law has found something a might troubling in your engine bay. *walks over to open hood* Care to explain to me what you're hauling in here that's too special for that fine velour trunk o'yours?"
Your investment of $8,500 ensures mid-level fame in police blotters and 'wacky news' items all across the country. And as anyone from Jersey Shore will tell you, that's a small price to pay for that kind of celebrity.
Thanks guys! I used to manage a Call Center, so my first thought was to the poor, underpaid bastard who'll be taking this claim over the phone.
Oh, and on the subject of the 350/370z vs. Porsche conspiracy theories, I'm starting to think this is a Datsun. Then again, I also see at least one puff of smoke coming from the grassy knoll...
Oh, and on the subject of the 350/370z vs. Porsche conspiracy theories, I'm starting to think this is a Datsun. Then again, I also see at least one puff of smoke coming from the grassy knoll...
