What's Wrong With Me That I Like the BMW 4-Series Gran Coupe?

I don't like the current 3er sedan. I don't like the current 3er five-door hatch. I don't like the 4er coupe. But I do like the 4er five-door hatch, the 4 Series Gran Coupe. What's wrong with me?

I dislike the current F30 3er because it just seems so big, and bloaty, and far, far removed from what I like about BMW. I'm sure it's a fine, refined car, it's just not for me. I feel the same way about the 4er, both in coupe and cabrio form for the same reason. Plus the dogbone lower front grill looks awful.

And I don't like the 3GT even though I think I should because, I don't know, it's got a hunchback.

But the 4 Gran Coupe! What is this that I am feeling? I don't care that it's too big and too heavy and probably drives like a Buick. I don't care that it's missing a seat in the back (ok, wait, no I do dislike that). It just looks wonderful, and I couldn't be happier behind the driver's seat, even if any traces of wonderful Neue Classe small sports sedan DNA have been pried out like a tick. I like that it's a liftback, according to this F30post user who claims he's seen one in person at a private showing. It reminds me of the wonderful old BMW E3, which looked every bit like a sedan version of the beloved E9 coupe.

Maybe I'm going insane, but here's a big, fat BMW that I kinda like. That or I just think it's pretty. Either way.