The small North Carolina town of Weddington lives its days cowering in fear, listening intently for the onslaught of a local villain. A monster is on the loose, terrifying all who come upon it. Yes, friends, it is that which we are all afraid of – a random dude in a Porsche 911 GT3RS. Repent! Repent!
The local hoon has been driving at speeds upwards of 100 miles an hour, weaving in and out of traffic, according to this surprisingly well-researched report from the local NBC affiliate, WCNC:
The driver's antics over the last couple of weeks prompted 911 calls.
"He went by so fast, he was like a blur. He had to be going over 100," said a caller.
The car has been spotted on Antioch Church Road, Hemby Road and Potter Road in the Weddington area, where 35 to 45 mph is the law.
"He's passing people in the 'no passing area' on turns. He's got to be doing about 100. I mean he is dodging in and out and he thinks he is God's gift to the world," the 911 caller said.
Sam Morrison prefers a much slower pace.
"Just the peace of mind."
Will nobody think of Sam? There's an absolute maniac out there, scaring the children, and all Sam Morrision wants is just the peace of mind. Poor guy.
Morrison's fishing hole is right next to one of the roads where that Porsche flies by.
It's just two lanes with no shoulder. He drives it every day, so too his wife and kids.
The thought anyone would repeatedly drive that fast on purpose with so many others around ticks him off.
"You would think people would care considering this is a nice, quiet community," he said.
Sam's right. Weddington is a nice, quiet community, and also North Carolina's third richest in the entire state according to Wikipedia, and the local residents will not stand for this one buffoon making noise and driving with gusto. No, this is an injustice that shall not stand.
While WCNC reports that Sheriff's deputies are on the case, local dispatchers don't seem to care very much about the poor, wealthy denizens of Weddington, according to this transcript of a panicked local who called 911 to report somebody driving quickly:
Dispatch: "911 where's your emergency"
Caller: "Yeah, I wasn't sure which number to call. I am on uh… oh my gosh, Potters Road going towards Forest Lawn.
Dispatch: "Um hum."
Caller: "And there's a guy in a red GT3 RS Porsche. It's white with red on it and he's passing people in the no passing area on turns. He's got to be doing about 100. I mean, he is dodging in and out. I mean he thinks he is God's gift to the world.
Dispatch: "You said it's red and white?"
Caller: "It's white with like red trim inside the lights and it's got the emblem on the side of the car. And he's just… he's a maniac. He's going to kill somebody. He's passing on curves at the yellow line, on double yellow lines. I can't even see him now. I mean, he's… he's gone! He's probably … he's probably at the roundabout or close to it. But he's going to kill somebody or himself, which would probably be okay… but….
Dispatch: "So he's heading towards the roundabout?"
Caller: "Yeah, I don't think he turned off. But honestly I don't know. He's going so fast… I mean, he went by so fast he was like a blur. He's got to be doing over a 100. He's just in and out of traffic. He was doing it on Monroe Road he's flying down through here. That's not him up near that house is it?! Nuh. But um, I just want to make y'all aware of it in case there is an accident. I can't see him not causing one."
"Okay," the dispatcher responds with. Not "we will send in the deputies, the Sheriff himself, state police, probably even the National Guard." Just, "okay."
The cold, unfeeling nature of the State rears its ugly head.
Residents of Weddington, hide.
(In all seriousness, it's great that you've got a Porsche 911 GT3RS. Congratulations. That's wonderful for you. But drive your track car like a maniac on the track, and not on public roads. You're scaring the children. Also, you could kill yourself and others. Seriously, you live in North Carolina, there's got to be a race track somewhere in sneezing distance. Just go there. You can afford the trip, you live in Weddington for Pete's sake. Just go do it there. Please. This is ridiculous. Look at the stories you're making some poor recent grad from journalism school at a local NBC affiliate write. Criminy, why do we have to even say this.)
Photo credit: The Car Spy
H/t to Spencer!