The ad for today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe custom Lincoln reads like a series of short fortune cookie aphorisms. We’ll have to see however, what exactly is the fate that awaits its price tag.

Toy is an endearment for the brand Toyota, and as far as that company’s wares go you don’t get much more toy-like than yesterday’s 1981 Starlet. That car was set up for the strip, and carried a tiny twin-rotor Mazda mill. Despite the fun time vibe however, it just didn’t seem worth its seven and a half grand asking, and down it went in a 70% Crack Pipe loss.

Do you remember a while back when Ford showed a new Lincoln show car and Bentley’s head of design tweeted copy cat, you’re so fat and then got fired? Yeah, little did he know that both companies are owned by the Illuminati® and you simply don’t mess with those dudes.

Of course, he was right, the latest Lincoln does look like last year’s Bentley, which isn’t a bad thing as it’s better than what Lincoln has been otherwise doing of late, making MK-everything. Of course there was a time when the marque made its Mark, and today’s custom convertible 1978 Continental Mark V is a stunning example of what that once was.

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This stately bright red over white luxo-barge isn’t even the most gargantuan thing Lincoln ever built, it is in fact representative of the marque’s first down-sizing in the late ‘70s. That doesn’t mean it lacks presence however, and the convertible conversion - done by Beverly Hills’ American Custom Coachworks Ltd., and marketed by that company as the St Tropez - just adds to the car’s in-your-face-ness.

This Lincoln isn’t just the ‘70s embodied, it’s everything good about that decade - Farrah Fawcett swimsuit posters, the good Star Wars, naked fondue parties, puka shell necklaces and macrame halter tops - all rolled into one blast from the past.

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It also appears to be in excellent condition, although the ad is rather cryptic in its description, sometimes even seeming to offer advice rather than characterization. Always garage! Second owner! Call or text! NO RUST! It’s hard to get the gist of the car’s history from the copy, but I am pumped after reading all the exclamation points.

The ad does note that the car has but 28K on the clock and the pictures present a ride that seems in exemplary shape. These Marks were still wicked-heavy body on frame designs so the coach built convertible conversion shouldn’t make it all that much wobblier. The cars were originally designed to have a ride feel akin to motor boating Kate Upton while the handling was more like Miley Cyrus riding that big ball that wrecked stuff. Don’t get a boner about this thing’s chances of winning the next gymkhana and you’ll probably be okay.

Mechanically, this Lincoln should be sporting the 208-bhp 460 as I believe that’s how the St Tropez’s were outfitted. If I’m wrong about that then it’s a 166-horse 400-cid Cleveland. A 3-speed C6 was the only transmission offered, and those of you making your decision about the car solely on that aspect need to broaden your horizons.

Inside there appears to be both a factory AM/FM 8-track in the dash, and a Citizen’s Band radio under it. Could it BE any more ‘70s? Yes it could, if it had Dayton wires, which this car does.

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Fortunately, its price tag isn’t in the 70s, but the 20s instead, and the low 20s to boot. You now need to decide if that $21,995 price tag will bring good fortune to its seller. What do you think, is this baroque battleship worth that kind of cash? Or, is that too much to make your Mark?

You decide!

Quad Cities Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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