First Gear Is The Best Car Show That Doesn't ExistSTop Gear, Fifth Gear, it seems like all car shows are obsessed with speed. Well, there's something better that we're missing.

I didn't realize there was a massive hole in the market for a valet-themed car show until we saw the Veyron-filled life of Monaco valets and Classic Car Club Kingpin told this story of one of the guys who used to work at CCC.

A few years ago at Classic Car Club, we had a valet named Jaime. Funny guy. He was from Central America - El Salvador. He would wash all the cars, keep them tidy, help with stuff around the club.

So Jaime drove everything. 308 Ferrari's and e-Type Jags, to a Lancia Delta Integrale, Ford GT, Bentleys, 430's, Gallardos and even a Maybach. But he never drove them out of first gear and only around and in and out of the club. I thought that was both tragic and funny, so he started doing his own car reviews from his perspective in his lazy, heavily-accented cadence. They went like this:

"the Em-seex is nice. the cup holder makes no sense but the seats are comfortable"

"The ford GT is hard to wash. Too curvy. Soap in the front winds up in the back when you spray it"

"The Mercedes SLS has good lumbar support"

"The window in the F430 don't go up and down very fast"

"The Shelby Cobra shakes too much when you go slow"

I always thought he should have his own Jalopnik review column.

That's when amnesiak had a proposal.

You should do Jaime-inspired reviews. Call it "First Gear."

Brilliant. Filming can't start soon enough.

Photo Credit: Raphael Orlove