You know, when I watch racing, I always think of questions I wish I could ask the drivers. Questions about their technique, or how they maintain their edge. How they wipe their asses never really enters into my thought process.
But thanks to the miracle of product endorsement deals, we know exactly what's going on with NASCAR rookie Kyle Larson's ass these days. Larson was enlisted to star in one of Cottonelle's new ads where a cheerful British woman goes around asking people why they don't use wipe their asses with wet ass-wipes instead of toilet paper.
"I'm hearing you kind of neglect your bum," she asks Larson.
"I wouldn't say I neglect it," Larson replies, probably thinking about how best to fire his agent later, or kill him. "I'm a dry wiper right now."
In the end the cheerful British woman convinces him to try the wet wipes, or at least, she does within the confines of the fiction of the advertisement.
"I can't wait to have to use the bathroom and try it out," Larson says. He seems pretty open-minded about the whole thing.
Let me be clear that I'm not making fun of Larson; he seems like a pretty good sport, and anybody who's man enough to talk about how they wipe their ass in front of YouTube and television audiences and God and everybody is probably a fearless competitor on the track.
We'll have to ask him about this if we can get him to do a Jalopnik Q&A. Now it's got me wondering about his ass...