No, not that sort of siren, you uneducated cretin. The sirens were mysterious creatures that plagued the Ancient Greece of Odysseus, singing beautiful songs that lured sailors to their deaths. People thought they were myths, but they weren’t. They still exist. Except instead of plaguing the seas, they plague parking garages.

Rumor is that if you hear their song, you’ll be unable to resist, and will eventually drive straight into a parking gate. The only defense is to keep your windows closed, and loudly blast Michael McDonald until the threat passes.

I’ve already crashed twice while watching this video.

(Yes, Jalopnik is written by people banging out words on a first-generation BMW iDrive system. Glad you asked.)