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Our favorite thing about TVR: Jeremy Clarkson saying, "TVR Spetsnaz!" when musing on new names for the cars now that the company was under Russian ownership. And that's just because we always thought "Spetsnaz" was an especially badass word. We call part our special forces SEALs, fergodssake. They may be goat-humping badasses, but their name? Kinda fey. Not particularly manly. We were also once at a party with a SEAL who we were literally afraid was going to rape a friend of ours and break our neck. Even his own sister didn't like him. We could've used some Spetsnaz back then. Regardless, TVRs, although we've never driven one, strike us as not-especially-good cars. Some Spetsnaz could only help. Laverty seems to half-heartedly concur. And that, we suspect, is only because he's English. More »
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Laverty, apparently, missed our usual Friday commentary on his beloved-of-tha-Jalop "Rubbish Cars We Love" story. So he e-mailed us. In our defense, Chris, we were on assignment, then we were taking a well-deserved four-day break from the computer, the likes of which hasn't been seen at this particular Jalop bureau since, um, uh, errr...1999? So now we're refreshed and back in action, have a couple of bits in the hopper, and Mr. Laverty's all up ons with a bit on our to-date favorite iteration of the OG hot hatch. Don't unpimp your auto. Ditch it and go find yourself a 2nd Gen GTI, after all, as the Lav points out, "By waiting around, you are already losing money." More »
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Back in 1987, our rich uncle bought a car to keep in Northern Ireland. He drove an Audi 100 Estate himself, but the long drive up to Scotland to catch the ferry over to Larne was wearing on him. So he picked up a used Granada and let our dad drive it while we were over visiting. On a trip down to Dublin, we ended up having to traverse the entire city. And Dad managed to scrape a double-decker, which led our cousins to yelp with glee, "Uncle Gordie hit a bus!" More »
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Vauxhall's not-so-worthy semi-successor to the chav-tastic Opel Manta, the Calibra, is the subject of Laverty's editorial love/hate this fine Saint Paddy's morn'. We're not wearing green today, which is funny, considering we're Irish and it's our favorite color, but there's nobody around to pinch us, anyway. But we've got a bottle of Perrier. Does that count? Laverty, on the other hand, pinches himself and says, "We are not categorical on how much we actually love the Vauxhall Calibra. We just know we re missing out on something special by hating it." More »
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Laverty goes off on Ford's Orion, the line-filler between their Escort and the Sierra in Europe. And he doesn't have much love for the beastie, saying,"If we are not coming across as chuffed to bits with the Ford Orion, we apologise. If you drive one of these things and we have offended you by suggesting you can t afford to pay your own council tax, we also apologise." Of course, he also refers to the Focus as hip-crushingly dull, and we quite like that car. More »
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Whoa. Laverty really takes this rubbish car thing seriously, having put his money where his mouth is in the case of the Subaru Justy, noting: "the Justy s safety and reliability report is generally good. For us good meant shock absorbers popping up through the rear wheel arches, clutch cable snapping at the world s busiest junction and more rust than a late-sixties Mini." More »
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We have to say that lately, the idea of snapping up an old Jaguar for cheap has been really appealing. And here in LA, there're tons of 'em. Then we start thinking, "Well, um, we could easily afford the car, but we can't afford the repair bills." Still, it might be fun to buy one just to do something ridiculously stupid with. Laverty's got the same ideer here, chatting up the company's '80s entry-level ride, the XJ40. Quoth the Lavat'ry, "Co-designed by Pininfarina, the normally reliable Italian had a field day with the XJ40; 'A corner here, a right angle there, and how about a pasta bake tin for the headlights, no?' Lord alone knows if he approved the dreadful cloth seats as well." We'll still take the XJS, thanks. More »
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Oh man, we can't believe how long it took Laverty to get around to this one, because it's possibly the OG lovable rubbish car, but bwahs and grills (as Miss Frueh, our fully-awesome pre-Alegebra teacher, was wont to say), the Renault 5 is thee business. As a child in a stroller, we always marveled at the Le Cars parked in a driveway at the dark end of our street a red and green pair. They just seemed so incongruous in a world of large Pontiacs. And you know, as a two-year-old, it seemed like a car we could actually drive instead of sitting on our dad's lap, piloting a Rambler across a vacant lot on the way home from the hardware store. We love Le Car. We cherish it. We want one so very badly. Thank you, Laverty. Thank you. More »
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Laverty makes a good point in his latest diatribe: "You might not feel very special in a brand new BMW nowadays (6 Series apart), but once upon a time kids used to put pictures of the things on their bedroom walls." And whaddaya know? The Brit bastard's right. While modern Bimmers feature all the bells, whistles and Bangles one can hope for in a vehicle, sometime in the mid-'90s, they stopped being iconic and became just another good car. Laverty's on with this one this is the first "Rubbish Cars We Love" bit that's absolutely sold us on the vehicle in question in quite a while. But we're thinkin' mid-'80s 6-series. There's one for sale just down the street... More »
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Laverty seems to be reaching a bit this week; both in his car of choice and his defense of it. This week's example of automotive crapitude? The Rover 200. The Hecklerspray scribe suggests buying a 1.4L saloon, which to us doesn't sound like a whole helluva lot of fun at all, but you know, the Brits have their quirks, and the quirkiest (or most aged) among them will come to the defense of the long-struggling, now-comatose brand. "Make no mistake," says Laverty, "While a Rover 200 is the future of car boot sales on a Sunday morning, nobody anywhere will ever believe they are cool." No, and we won't believe they're lovable, either. More »
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Ferfookssake. The Austin Ambassador is certainly a rubbish car. But we don't know if it's really in any way, shape or form actually lovable. We don't think Laverty even thinks so. His defense of the car really comes down to this: "It is a man s car, a throw back, a true-blue with the ride of a floating duvet and the sturdy electrics of a Texas prison. It will make you stand out more than anything else with a plastic steering wheel cover ever could." Thanks, Chris. We'll take an AMC Matador instead. More »
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The first Mercedes we ever drove was a 190 of late '80s/early '90s vintage, and we must say, we were far from impressed. It didn't seem like a Merc to us. It seemed like a cheap-ass car with Mercedes styling. Laverty, on the other hand, loves him some 190 action. To us, it doesn't seem like a diamond in the rough, it seems like automotive dishonesty. We'll take the X1/9, thank you. More »
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Laverty admits that this one ain't exactly rubbish. Harkening back to earlier days before traction control nannied us all into a sometimes-justified sense of security (how many times did we spin our '70 Skylark?), the second-gen Scirocco is one of our favorite '80s cars as well. While some prefer the Mk. 1 design that bowed in '74, we've always liked the looks of the 2nd Gen. It's kind of a poor man's Audi Coup . More »
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As Joe Strummer sang on a live version of "Capital Radio", "I wanna hear Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. Not Sham 69, Sam the Sham. Hecklerspray's Chris Laverty's sayin' the same thing, basically. He doesn't wanna play Uno. He doesn't wanna eat at Pizzeria Uno. He wants a goddamn Fiat Uno Mk1, and wants you to want one, too. He's even personally crash-tested an example of the car! The kicker? "So long as you do not mind looking like an in-the-know student, the Uno is as sensible a buy as Robert Redford memorabilia." More »
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While Laverty's no doubt tucking himself into bed waiting for Father Christmas to pop by and leave him '70s-vintage mint Corgis still in their original packaging, we're enjoying his rant on the Volvo 480, a sporty hatch that the Swedes launched back in '86 before Ford tried to make 'em all sensible and whatnot. Saying, "Only people who want the best but will never be able to afford it buy the 480. We mean never, no hope of ambition beyond middle management and an office with an openable window," he goes on to sing the Volvo's praises with a quick twist of the knife and a generous portion of clotted cream with strawberry preserves. More »
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Ah, yes. Now this is what we're talking about Laverty travels back to the '80s and bursts forth with caveat-riddled hosannas for the Renault 21 Turbo. And no, we don't call it corn, we call it the Renault/Eagle Medallion. But wouldn't it be cool if the near-forgotten French ride's nickname was "Maize?" Quoth Baron Von Lav-man: The 21 is shaped like a Vauxhall Cavalier that has been set upon by mallet wielding school kids. "Though yesterday s eyesore can often become tomorrow s Sienna Miller, so don t hang around pondering for too long. So get out there and buy." More »
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Man, we remember sometime in like 1983 when we saw a concept rendering of the Ford Probe in the Sacramento Union and thought, "Wow! That looks like a spaceship." When it debuted a few years later we thought, That's supposed to replace the Mustang? It never did, but it did take over from Ford's UK ponycar equivalent, the beloved-by-would-be-hoons Capri. And it still got no respect. While we gave Laverty the business for going too new with the Ford Ka thing a couple of weeks back, he's right on with this Probe bit. Well, sort of. After all, he does exhort, "We are so confident in the Probe s soon to be discovered coolness we recommend you go out and buy one right now." More »
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Last week we wondered if Laverty was losing it his piece on the Ford Ka made us wonder if the ol' boy's mojo had gone off for a coffee break and never returned. Thankfully, he comes back today with a classic "Rubbish Cars We Love" piece on the Talbot Samba, which is about as far removed from a Talbot-Lago as one can get while still staying in the realm of items with four wheels and an internal combustion engine. Seriously, we've seen swankier riding mowers. But Laverty defends the wee rustbucket, and admits a special fondness for the 80hp Rallye Edition, exhorting, "Who gives a damn about a bit of rust when you can drive an eighty horsepower mayfly?" More »
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Has Laverty gone a tad soft in the noggin? We get the feeling that Hecklerspray's auto columnist was born a wee bit daft, but this time he goes positively 'round the bend over the first iteration of Ford's diminutive Ka. Especially troubling is the Ka's relative newness, but we also know that cars don't seem to hold on as long in Blighty as they do in the Sunbelt. So it could be that ol' Chris is simply running out of suitable old beaters to write about. That said, he insists that serviceable Kas can be found for under a thousand quid, and we quote, "It smiles constantly, radiates low-price chic (body-colour bumpers notwithstanding) and makes 60 BHP feel like 160." More »
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We've gotta admit we're addicted to Hecklerspray's weekly "Rubbish Cars We Love" feature, as writer Chris Laverty generally gets in some good punches in his defense of random Eurotrash rides. But he didn't seem to be too fired up about the Audi 200 Estate this week, which is really too bad, as we were awfully fond of our uncle Gerry's Audi 100 CC Estate from whose rounded boot we saw Dorset and Somerset from back in 1987. Ultimately, Laverty compares the be-ringed brand's wagon to James Bond short-timer Timothy Dalton, "Tim D was not the worst Bond, nor did he drive the worst car, but as with the 200 estate he just wasn t needed enough." More »
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This mornin', yer man Chris Laverty makes out with Russia's favorite discontinued two-door SUV, the Lada Niva. We have to admit that we don't have any fond memories of the Niva, or for that mattter, really any at all, having no European friends or family who went off-roading in anything other than dilapidated Escorts and Volvos. Still, we'd love to see somebody build a Niva rock crawler or monster truck. Mr. James, we think we have a new Monster Garage project for you. And have Prewitt replicate the Niva Cossack decals in some sort of garish pearl gold while you're at it. More »
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Another week, another installment of Hecklerspray's Rubbish Cars We Love. This time our boy Chris Laverty takes on the second-generation Volkswagen Polo, a wee runabout that never made it to our shores, but boasted a ripping sixty horsepower and a freakin' tachometer, ferchrissakes. Sporting pretensions aside, we've always had a soft spot for these Polos, as our mom's friend in Ireland had one, bringing to mind thoughts of days spent herding sheep, flipping ATVs, riding around on tractors and losing shoes in the silage. More »
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