If you piss off Jesus in Sheboygan, WI, watch out—I’m looking at you, fellow masturbators. That’s because it seems Jesus has guys in BMWs pulling people over, and demanding apologies. There’s definitely at least one, and he impersonated a police officer and pulled over a semi last week.

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The Sheboygan Press reports Haris Mackic was driving his black 2006 BMW when, for some reason, he decided that the driver of a nearby semi truck needed to pull over. Sheriff’s officials say Mackik attempted to get the attention of the truck driver by cutting in front of him and flashing his blinkers (yes, commenters, those do work on BMWs), eventually pulling in front of the truck and slowing down to 10 MPH, forcing the truck to come to a halt.

Once stopped, Mackic reportedly approached the driver’s side door and, identifying himself as a police officer, accused the driver of speeding over 70 mph. The driver countered that his rig is governed to not exceed 64 mph.

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Around this time Mackic broke off the radio antenna from the truck and waved it around while he demanded the driver “apologize to Jesus,” who must be a real stickler for trucking-industry speed limits. (I think he said something about that in the Book of Galifracians, 12:4, if I recall.)

A sheriff’s deputy responded to the scene after a road rage incident was called in. When the deputy arrived, Mackic ditched the antenna under the truck and identified himself as a police officer to the deputy, the paper reports.

When the deputy asked what department Mackic worked for, Mackic reportedly told the deputy that they both worked for the same department. Smoooooth.

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Not being an idiot, and well aware of who he worked with, the deputy didn’t believe Mackic’s story. Mackic was charged with misdemeanor impersonating a peace officer, disorderly conduct, and criminal damage to property.

So, lessons here: if you’re impersonating a cop, don’t tell another cop that you work in the same department as them. That just won’t work, since, you know, they work in that department, and haven’t ever seen you being a cop there. This is almost as bad as reading the name on their badge and saying you’re them. It’s a very difficult ruse to pull off.

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It’s not clear if the truck driver ever did, in fact, apologize to Jesus, or exactly what the apology was for.

Jesus has not responded to our prayed requests for comment as of press time.


Contact the author at jason@jalopnik.com.