For $800, Is This Volvo A Master Beater?S

A beater is a car doesn’t cost much to buy and isn’t a big loss if it gets wrecked or you forget where you parked it. Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Volvo is just such a beater, but will its price have you saying beat it?

How many of you would grab Steeler’s Wheel, which was yesterday’s over-the-top 2003 supercharged Corvette? Well, not many at its almost thirty-five grand tag. That car’s monumental 93% Crack Pipe loss went well with its in-your-face-ness, but probably wasn’t in its #1 Steelers Fan’s gameplan.

Sean Kingston starts off the R&B ditty Beat It with He ain’t fly enough, he don’t even drive, no. He’s trash talking some dude whose girlfriend he is trying to mack on, and his first insult is that the brother doesn't drive. Harsh, I know.

If you are concerned about just such a situation, then you need to ensure that when you're scoping out a betty (or a dude if you’re a lady or a dude who likes dudes) and they need a ride, that you are prepared to make things happen.

Of course if you’re of limited funds then the best way to get your ride on is to buy a beater car, one that doesn't cost a lot to buy or keep running. That's also one that you won’t mind a romantic rival taking a nine iron to should a confrontation occur.

For $800, Is This Volvo A Master Beater?S

Today’s 1998 Volvo S90 is described in its ad as just such a beater - although the seller recommends that it would make a perfect college student car rather than keeping the booty calls off the hook. That may be the case, although my experience is that most college kids prefer spending disposable income (meaning their parents’ money) on beer, pizza and Ex rather than wheels.

But maybe someone going to one of those commuter colleges would like to have a set of wheels other than the bus and this 219,000 mile Volvo - at least according to the pictures - has four of them. Hell, for all we know it may even have a spare!

For $800, Is This Volvo A Master Beater?S

It’s also described as mechanically sound, with decent shifts from its gearbox- although no word is given on whether that’s a manual or automatic - and an engine free from oil consumption. It even features new pads and rotors, and a refreshed timing belt on its B6254. That two and a half litre straight six features 24 valves and put out 170-bhp when new. Hopefully, over the years some of those ponies have struck around.

One the down side, the A/C has apparently crapped out (hey, it’s a beater) and the interior is described as ok. It’s so ok that the seller decided not to include any pictures of its ok-ness. But what the hell, when it comes to a beater anything better than sitting on an orange crate and steering the car by way of a pair of Vice Grips clamped on the column is a plus. I mean how bad could it be? Is there one of those bath salts addicts squatting in there, ready to eat your face? I don’t think so.

For $800, Is This Volvo A Master Beater?S

As noted, a beater has to be cheap. Like change in the sofa cushions cheap, or border city strip club cheap. You know what I'm preaching here, real effin’ cheap. This Volvo is - or at least appears to be - real effin’. cheap. The seller is asking $800 for the car and for that much - and if the interior isn’t in too bad of shape - this also has the potential option to your current crappy basement living quarters that your mom wants you to move out of so she can reclaim the space and not have to do the ironing in the dining room any more.

Of course, such decisions are not taken lightly and now your task weighs heavy in determining if this old Volvo - one of the last of the rear-drivers - is worth that $800. What do you think, does that price make this a neater beater? Or, is it just beat down?

You decide!

Baltimore Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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