Twenty six miles across the sea, Santa Catalina is a waiting for me… Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Catalina is patiently waiting for a new owner. Let’s see if its price is sinking its chances.

Advertisement

Call a two-seat convertible a sports car and no one bats an eye. Do so for one that does zero to sixty in more than 15 seconds and everybody loses their minds.

Not only was yesterday’s 1969 VW Karmann Ghia likely one of the slowest classic sports cars from a major maker you could find, but at fourteen grand, its price slowed much of the ardor for owning it. That resulted in a 62% Crack Pipe loss. Sad!

Advertisement

Do you think that when Donald Trump says he wants to make America great again he means filling its roads and various Trump Casino parking lots with traditional American cars like today’s 1970 Pontiac Catalina wagon? I mean, come on, this car is pretty yuuuuuge.

The Catalina was one of Pontiac’s big dogs and as you might expect the model came with some big engines, at least until such things were no longer acceptable in polite company. Back in the early ‘60s NASA even used a Catalina convertible that had been modded by So-Cal hot rod legend Bill Straub to tow their M2-F1 lifting body. That car had a 421-cid Tri-power V8.

This 1970 wagon is a little less wild with a 290-bhp (gross) 400-cid 2bbl under its massive hood. Of course, it’s not being called on to support the space race.

It could serve that role however, seeing as it has a ton of space inside. There’s a pair of benches in there, the front one wearing a serape seat cover because you know, benches love serapes. Out back you get a load area big enough to haul a frat-party’s worth of kegs and maybe a third row hiding under the floor, There’s also a magic gate door back there that goes both ways. Tired green paint advertises the car’s age, but the meager 26K on the clock indicate that those years haven’t seen much travel. Is that really the mileage or did the odo turn over when nobody was looking?

Advertisement

Sponsored

What you’ll probably be looking at is a pretty sizable dent above the rear Rallye wheel on the driver’s side. That knocked off the bump guard and has broken through the paint above the stainless wheel arch trim. How adept are you with pounding out ‘60s American steel?

If that effort builds up a good sweat then at least take comfort in knowing that driving the car shouldn’t tax your antiperspirant (you do use that shit, right?) as the seller says the A/C is in working order. And, it has crotch coolers for both the driver and front-seat passenger. That’s a feature that really needs to make a comeback, especially for us boxer wearers.

The ad notes that everything else works too, and that the car—save for that serape and dent—presents as all original. If you feel like American cars today lack the gravitas of their forbearers then maybe this might be a way to set things right and take a stand for excessive consumption and full-sized parking spaces. All it will take is $5,500.

What do you think about that $5,500 price when applied to this 1970 Pontiac? Does that seem like a fair price to make America great again, without all the political baggage? Or, is that price not even close to being great?

Advertisement

You decide!

Lincoln NE Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

Advertisement

Advertisement

H/T to glemon for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a fixed-price tip, and remember to include your Kinja handle.