a) all Germans looked like that in the Eighties;

b) no "flamboyant" man worth his flamboy-sauce, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, would wear white socks with loafers.

This is what I see, laptime-wise, for the top five:

#1, Krider Racing 50.993 - Winners
#2, Autodenta 51.308 - 48th place
#3, Box Wrench 51.495 - 5th place
#4, Black Metal V8olvo 52.124 - 15th place
#5, Red Bear 52.154 - 17th place

The only laps of the above I'd be willing to swear aren't chicane-cutting would be Krider's, as they were a bunch of absolutely perfect driving gentlemen and I never saw any of them so much as show a late nose to somebody, and the V8olvo's, because I was driving the car at the time :)

All you need to do on Saturday is keep the car alive and undamaged, and spend as much time as possible out there on the track. That's what my first team (Bernie's Revenge) did at Flat Rock to win, and it's what Krider did at Altamont. You can't win the race on Saturday, because there's too much traffic and there are too many cars which look like contenders and occupy your mental space only to break down and fall off on Sunday.

So the savvy Lemons team keeps its head on Saturday, keeps the pace low, doesn't make enemies, and stays out for long stints. On Sunday, you pull the trigger.

The V8olvo was easily one of the top five cars at the event, as shown in the lap times, but we made five rather long driver changes on Saturday and served an inexplicable penalty for nothing at all, which put us at 45th Sunday morning. That's a little too far; my game plan called for us to be in 15th at that point. So we were able to drive up thirty places on Sunday, but that only put us in 15th.

I could write a book about what I've seen effective Lemons drivers do, and what I've personally done to win a 24-hour event, but it boils down to:

* Keep the car undamaged in the first half
* Don't change drivers any more frequently than every two to two and a half hours
* In the second half, run hard for five hours, make every pass, burn up your good will, but keep the car clean
* In the last hours, move for victory without mercy or remorse.

As fate would have it, we had a fellow go off the reservation, so to speak, and break the car. My calculations indicate that we lost a top five place because of it. We'll see what the team does at Thunderhill. In the meantime, I have my Supra and I'm ready to run Toledo :)

Regardless, we'll do better and be more courteous next time, although I feel compelled to remind my fellow Lemons competitors that anybody who simply skips the chicane to make the pass and doesn't wave me by afterwards will continue to have the opportunity to test out their HANS device, if you know what I'm talking about, and one of you does.

[www.corvettefever.com]

Given the heat and the relatively low speeds, thus no air circulation, I can see how an older driver might have some medical issues. I'm only thirty-six and I train specifically for this stuff, but when I got out of the car I was ready for about a quart of water and a solid amount of rest.

Minor brag time: This morning, I took a nice long 2hr 42min run in the car, moved us up 20-some places, and I had second-fastest lap of the race overall until about an hour from the end, when two other teams took advantage of the slack in traffic to knock me back to fourth.

So we know the car has podium pace; next we have to make sure we have all the processes in place to make it happen. We had great drivers and spectacular help in the pits... next time fewer driver changes and just a few little niggles to sort out.

I'd also like to personally apologize to xargs in the Cavalier. My hit on you guys was inexcusable and I am very sorry for it; the other stuff that followed afterwards was 100% BS and it won't happen again on any team of which I am a part.

Thanks again to the team and all the Jalops.

I just retrieved the SD card from our in-car camera. Through fate or divine intervention, it was entirely blank. This may make no sense to some of you, but not having that incident on film feels like having a burden removed.

For those of you who are interested, this is 34 seconds of footage from earlier in the day:

I really hope they open up the track and let us race tomorrow morning. To my mind, the best way for us to honor this fallen driver is to fire up the V8olvo and press on as if he were right beside us. None of us who saw the incident, as I did, will ever forget this man; let's finish the race in his honor.

We're running in the middle of the pack. Most of our drivers have resisted the red mist.

Murilee was spun out going into Turn Two. Not her fault, but when they showed her the black flag, she rather saucily ignored it! For ten laps. Of course, she's claiming that it's because she's never been in an event like this before, but we know better - she just didn't feel like it! As a result, we were forced to serve a penalty of driving around behind Jay's bus for a while. One more driver swap and then I'm back in the saddle to deliver some Black Metal domination Max-Mosley-style!

* the men and women cheering us on via Jalopnik;

* the fine assortment of mechanics, led by "Mr. Bloodwrench", who have prepared this vehicle;

* Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

Thank you for your time.

Jack Baruth
aka
ViergangFuchs
aka
Count Chocunakch

Alternately, perhaps it was a tribute to the '67 Chevelle.

I'll admit it, however; at the time, I was willing to look past the historically-accurate pro-Nazi badge simply to have a shot at all sixty-five of those CVH-head horsepower.

1) Vehicle accidentally "flipped" to create impression of RHD

2) Pixels

3) When I saw Murilee take the picture, that saucy wench, she was clutching a beer in the other hand.

Like most people who are trying to scrape along at the bottom of a race series, Sarah has a lot of obstacles to overcome, from shortage of practice time due to funding to simply not being able to replace consumables as often. I'm a fan, and not just because her rack is approximately ONE ZILLION TIMES LARGER than the competition's.

NOW WHO'S BAD!

So don't front, MC Ren
'Cause I remember when you drove
A B-210

The past thirty years has seen a curious inversion in the notions of censorship and free speech. Most censorship prior to about 1990 in this country was expressly moral in purpose; we disapproved of certain expressions of "speech" because they stood in contrast to, or were designed expressly to attack, the guiding Judeo-Christian principles on which the USA was built. The forces working against that censorship were inexorable and probably could be said to have triumped around the time of the NEA's sponsorship of Piss Christ. It is now fully permissible, nay, even laudable, to attack traditional values in the name of "fighting censorship". Surely we all agree there's no longer much effective moral censorship going on in this country; an hour spent watching HBO will demonstrate as much.

Having won the battle against "censorship", which was really a battle against a certain moral stance, the victors have become quite vicious when faced with statements which displease them - most of which are branded as "hate speech" or something similar, the way the old Popes would use the concept of "heresy" to stamp out opposition. Therefore, it's now quite acceptable to, as an example, refer to Christianity in the vilest terms possible, and with the most hateful intent - but show an equal amount of expressive bile to one of the "protected minority" groups, whether those groups are ethnic, sexual, or behavioristic, and one will quickly learn the limits of society's tolerance.

As a rather rabid Judeo-Christian, I watched the past two decades with distaste, and yet with the belief that completely free speech is too precious to threaten for the sake of my beliefs. When I see that the men and women who use the First Amendment to batter Christianity are more than happy to squelch it in the name of the "progressive agenda", well, then, my sense of fair play is offended.

Mr. Navarro's comment regarding Randy Moss is instructive, I think. Should I allow Mr. Moss's presumptive ability to beat me about the head and shoulders to quiet my tongue? In the modern era, the threat of force, whether a humorous comment like Al's or the more serious understanding that making the wrong joke may lose you a livelihood for reasons of political correctness - well, it's un-American.

Self-censorship is laudable, but we should go no further. I have no wish to engage in "hate speech" as it currently is defined, and yet I have a nagging suspicion that "hate speech" may be defined in any way which suits the powerful.

Has this war finally been won for all intents and purposes (see: Two Ladies Share a Cup for an example) only for us to now turn back upon ourselves, as a culture, with a gleeful escapade of self-flagellation? How much genuine racism or "homophobia", whatever that really means, exists on Jalop?

Whenever I read someone's smug discourse on racist/homophobic/whatever behavior, I hear two things in the back of my mind. The first is a Puritan minister declaring that he will be the one to determine what is a sin and what is not; the second is Winston Smith's final voluntary submission to Big Brother's love.

So-called "offensive" discourse is a weapon of freedom, and one needn't agree with the sentiments to understand their value. When we, as a society, self-censor our way out of expressing dangerous ideas, we give those ideas power beyond our wildest dreams. The minute we make it a thoughtcrime to speak an offensive idea, we invest that idea with unwanted legitimacy.

Just my two cents on this.

[jalopnik.com]

A Fiat Spider also saved my fingers. I was riding to school in the back seat of my pal's Spider (yes, some of 'em had back seats, and they were just as big as you think they were) and his sister closed the door on my hand while I was still climbing in. Had it been a Toyota Corolla, I'd be known as "Stumpy" today; instead, the door gap was large enough that my digits were only bruised. Thanks to FIAT and all of the robots who built the Strada!

Take your time and get well, man. The Intarweb will be waiting.

Ray, your mother is a fine woman, I doubt she wear's anything inappropriate, and I was so personally touched by that puff piece in New York about your marriage that I decided to renew my vows to my Heckler & Koch.

Dear Jamie,

It's bad enough you showed your panties when you wimped out of my offer to run against you at any track in the country, in any production car available. What a lamer you are, to piss backwards in such a public manner! And then you banned me from your site in an attempt to make everybody forget that I brought the bitch out in you in front of your imaginary 600,000 readers.

But now I see you're shilling on your site for people to vote over here... and yet you only have 400-some votes? What does that say about the traffic you REALLY do?

You suck.

Sincerely,

Jack Baruth
The Guy You Wussed Out Of Racing Against

Parody's the idea here: It was covered when Mr. Roboto was "introduced".

[www.speedsportlife.com]

We're committed to two things: integrity in reporting, and amusing our readers. If Mr. Roboto proves to accomplish neither, we'll drop him in the smelting pot, Terminator-style.