Photo credit: Keenan Pepper

Every sanctimonious, godawful car-person-that-gives-car-people-a-bad-name-type posts on some sort of internet car forum. They’re awful and everything that is bad in the world. I should know. I am one of them.

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Or rather, I was one of them, about 15 years ago. I’m not going to tell you which forum, or what my handle was, because that’s for you to figure out as life is a game and playing it on easy mode is no fun.

(Please do not figure it out.)

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At the time I was around 13 years old, and I figured as a 13-year-old would, that everyone else was 13. They had to be, between the petty squabbles that had nothing to do with cars, the ever-mounting claims over who had owned and driven the most and best and terrificest and worst Lamborghinis, and specious claims of expertise.

I didn’t post for very long, mostly because 13-year-old boys don’t have much of an attention span, and also because I found it much more interesting to read all about Mercedes V8s, so that I could be very pedantic and tell people that the S55 AMG had an engine was not actually 5.5 liters. I was, and still am, very much an annoying nerd.

Some of the people and conversations were okay, I suppose. I’d mostly forgotten about that old forum, but after hearing that a bunch of forums got hacked, Turbolence88 Can’t Go Zoom-Zoom Without A Turbo brought the memories back:

Yep. None of that’s like Jalopnik. At all. Definitely not. Don’t know what you’re talking about.

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(TVRs 4LYFE!)

Congratulations, Turbolence88 Can’t Go Zoom-Zoom Without A Turbo, on your COTD win and your absurdly long Kinja name. May you be a moderator on every single internet car forum in the world.