When a Jalopnik staffer goes off into the long night, they don’t get a golden parachute. Please, this is journalism. We don’t have the kind of money for that. So instead, we throw them out of a plane with a Miata as a parachute. But if you’re not a lowly blogger, and instead you’re a CEO, how do you know if your parachute will be golden?

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Well, apparently all their parachutes are golden.

See, I’m just going to go ahead and guess that Straightsix9904 was not intimately familiar with the terms of former Wal-Mart CEO Bill Simon’s departure from the company when he said this, upon seeing Simon’s plane come down with the aid of a parachute:

But you know what? I actually went and did the research, and Simon got $4.5 million as a “retirement package” when he left Wal-Mart in 2014, in the wake of sluggish sales at the retailing giant.

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Huh. Whoda thunk it.

Good on you, Straightsix9904. May you forever find golden parachutes catching your fall.

Photo credit: Oleg Klimentiev


Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.
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