Today we learned the beleaguered Volkswagen Group is considering selling assets or even brands if it is unable to pay back the massive loan it took out to cover the diesel cheating scandal costs. But not likely, it turns out, its top luxury brands.

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Perhaps that is a shame, because reader Drakkon - The Boardman of the Chair has a better business plan for Bugatti than I ever heard before:

I’m buying the Bugatti brand. I’m bringing honesty back to the auto industry. I’m scrapping the whole ‘heritage’ bullshit and moving into full-blown truth-in-advertising. This is based on the people who buy Bugattis, no longer about the cars themselves.

The Chiron is done. Put it to bed. Here is the new lineup.

The Meliori Te (That’s latin for ‘Better Than You’) is an executive sedan with the standard issue diamond clock faces and while penis leather. Normal run of the mill 0.1% shit.

The D.I.B. (that’s latin for ‘Dripping In Bitches’)is an SUV-based limousine with a indoor and an outdoor hot tub, weed smell suppression system and room for at least 4 VIPs plus 12 bitches.

Finally, the Lambo Dude (that’s latin for ‘Lambo Dude’) will be ther terminal velocity supercar that will be Hennesey-tuned, therefore it will have eleventy-billion horsepower, go 345 miles per hour, but be shitty at every other performance metric.

Go full douche or go home. You know there’s enough rich jackwagons out there who would buy into it. PURE PROFIT$$$ AHEAD.


Contact the author at patrick@jalopnik.com.