You really have to wonder about the person sitting on the other side of the DMV table when this proposal for a custom plate slide across the desk to them. Hmm. ANASLEX, nothing wrong there, right? Nothing could possibly be misconstrued as incredibly hilarious offensive here. Nope. Maybe the disturbing number of car sex stories lately has gotten to us, but we think Ana might want to reconsider this one. (Thanks Ken and thank you state of Ohio)

The Times goes on to report that "the clear majority of team managers" think that Mosley's refusal to resign is hurting the sport. According to the paper, the Monaco Royal Family have expressed similar concerns. Mosley was ordered by the Royal family of Bahrain not to attend their F1 round, didn't attend the Spanish Grand Prix for fear of embarrassing King Juan Carlos and the Turkish Prime Minister's office approached Bernie Ecclestone to ensure their boss wouldn't encounter the besieged FIA President.

FIA's general assembly will meet on June 3rd for a vote of no confidence in their President. [via The Times]

The accusation was made by Radovan Novak, head of the Czech Automobile Association and one of Mosley's close friends. Speaking during a radio interview he's quoted as saying, "When the FIA, from the proposal of Mosley, fined someone significantly, then it gives you the feeling that it could be like that."

Dennis was quick to issue a response:

"I categorically deny that I have anything to do with the News of the World investigation into Mr. Mosley. Neither does anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, and neither does any agent or any other party acting on my behalf or anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the team. We are writing to Mr. Novak and are currently considering the appropriate route via which the remarks that have been attributed to him may be withdrawn or corrected."

The orgy characterized by NOTW as having a "Nazi theme" took place on Friday at a $4 million apartment-cum-dungeon near Mosley's home in London's upscale Chelsea neighborhood.

As President of FIA, Mosley is responsible for overseeing international motor sports, including Formula One. He enjoys a close relationship with F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone.

Mosley's father Oswald was a notorious fascist and Hitler supporter. Max has been controversially linked to his father's beliefs.

Kicking off the orgy by playing a detainee, Mosley had both his genitals and head inspected for lice, in a way reminiscent to portrayals of incoming concentration camp detainees, before lying to the hookers to purposefully bring about a severe beating. After the session ended, the girls enjoyed a glass of wine. Mosley was offered one as well, but turned it down in favor of a cup of tea. It's not known what ramifications this will have on Mosley's career or the sport he governs. [Via News Of The World]

UPDATE:Mosley got to keep his job despite acknowledging he participated in an encounter with sex workers in a basement apartment in London. On top of that, Mosley also headed to the UK courts to claim characterizations of Nazi overtones by NOTW were completely invalid, and even if they were valid, it was done in the privacy of someone else's home.

UK High Court judge David Eady apparently agreed on both of those counts. In a ruling hailed by the former Archbishop of Canterbury as a 'dangerous precedent' undermining public morality, the News of the World must now pay Mosley $120,000 in damages, plus legal costs of an estimated $1.7 million, for making the claim. Thanks to legal threats from Mosley's attorneys waving about Eady's ruling, we've removed the NOTW video from our own site, or else face similar attacks on our own free speech.

I don't think this ad is entirely accurate. Most of us will agree that anything in a Aston Martin V8 Vantage turns them into a _ILF. [AdRants via Fleshbot (NSFW)]

If you're desperate enough to be in the marketing demo for this sucker, you're better off just writing your number on a piece of paper and taping it to the window. Or better yet, just sell your car and pull a Spitzer (minus the whole getting caught thing). [TFTS]

The NUDAR POI file supports the big-name GPS navigation units, such as Garmin, TomTom and Magellan. You should probably act quickly, because NUDAR is currently in an beta open-registration until February 22. After that it becomes a $30-per-year service, which is completely worth it for those who travel a lot, or those that just love the boobies. [NUDAR (NSFW) via Crunchgear

This was not me performing the review, although if the manufacturers want to contact me for review opportunities, feel free at travis [at] jalopnik. The folks at Freddy and Eddy took the Auto Suck for a test, uh, sucking and described it as giving a "terrific and attentive blow job." Attentive? Really?

It's also important to note that the Auto Suck does not swallow. I think I need a cold shower. [Freddy and Eddy]

The 80-page manual includes helpful, practical, moderately acrobatic and even model-specific advice (Smart?). It's designed to easily fit in the glovebox, if you know what I mean, and at $10 there isn't a reason to not own this manual. Unless, of course, you're worried about messing up your pretty leather seats or haven't upgraded those shocks for a while. Advice to the wise: Park first. [Product Page via Uncrate]

Photo credit: Frumbert

Dekhyr Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars (for males) —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

Howdy. Read this entire document before trying any of the steps.

'Having sex with a car'. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to
mean sex in a car, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you
have sex with a car? The short answer is, up the tailpipe.

The long answer is much more involved, including techniques,
precautions and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from
screwing a car. Our first subject will be the tailpipe.

The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes out.
So in this sense, the tailpipe is an anus.

First we will deal with some cautions you should know about.

In most cars, the edge of the tailpipe is sharp. You should
therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the tailpipe.

If the engine has been on for a long (or even a relatively short)
period of time, the tailpipe will be hot. Do not do anything with the
tailpipe hot. Wait until the tailpipe has cooled off. The tailpipe will
cool off faster than the engine, so you don't have long to wait. I call
screwing the car while the tailpipe is hot, "fucking the car hot". Never fuck a car hot. I did, once. Once.

The exhaust from a car contains poisonous gases. One of these,
carbon monoxide, is a slow killer. Carbon monoxide takes a long time to
be flushed out of the body, so it can build up to toxic levels without
your knowing it.

Never do anything with the tailpipe while the engine is on!

Now, the first thing you should note is that the inside of the
tailpipe is usually coated with soot. This is the usual particulate debris
of combustion. Before having sex with the car, clean the inside of the
tailpipe with soap and warm water, as far as you can go. Keep in mind
the possibly sharp edge of the tailpipe.

Now that the tailpipe is clean, you are ready to pleasure and be
pleasured by the car.

You can do this two ways. One way doesn't require any equipment.
The other way (which is much more rewarding) does.

The first way is to fuck the car 'raw'. This does NOT mean stuffing
your cock into the tailpipe and thrusting. This would hurt (remember the
sharp edges?) and be no fun anyway, since the tailpipe doesn't flex.

What you should do is get behind the car and start jerking off.
When you are about to come, carefully put your cock into the tailpipe of
the car, and then come. But, in the heat of passion, you must still
remember the sharp edge. Even putting just the head into the tailpipe is
good enough. Just make VERY sure that you don't hurt yourself.

Now, this assumes that you can get your cock into the tailpipe
in the first place. Some tailpipes are too small, and then, well, you're
out of luck. Find someone who has a car with a bigger tailpipe.

The best way to have sex with a car, however, is not raw. You
need the following equipment:

1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr,
[redacted]) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is
essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter
is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated,
it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case,
it is inserted into the tailpipe of the car you want to have sex with.

To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'Koozie',
a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'Koozie' is a foam rubber
dingumbob in which you put a soda. It keeps the soda cold and your hand
warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've
had reports of finding them in liquor stores. I've actually found a good
deal of them at a local discount-type store.

There are two kinds, thick walled and thin walled. I've only been
able to find the thick kind; the thin kind I've only been able to get
through an advertising company. The thin kind is particularly good with
tailpipes not much bigger than your cock.

Here is what you need to do:

1. Measure the circumference of your erect penis. This is most easily done
by wrapping a string around your cock (around the shaft, not the head).

2. Take the bottom of the Koozie out. You should be left with a tube.

3. Cut the wall of the tube from top to bottom so that you are left with
a slab of foam rubber which refuses to stay straight.

/—-—-—-—-\
\—-—-—-—-/
| | |
| | |
| | |
| cut^ |
| | |
| | |
\—-—-—-—-/

4. Now, carefully cut away material parallel to the first cut until you
can put the ends together making a smaller tube, and such that the inner
circumference of the tube is slightly smaller (say, by 1/2" or so) than
the circumference of your shaft.

5. Take a piece of electrical tape. Hold the ends of the tube flush.
Place the tape on the cut on the outside to secure the tube in the
middle. Now repeat with more tape until the cut is secure. Wrap tape
around the whole thing.

6. Drink the soda. With the scissors, CAREFULLY cut off the top and bottom
of the aluminum can. CAREFULLY cut a strip of aluminum lengthwise from
the can, about 3/4" to 1" wide.

7. Coat the strip with electrical tape. This is to prevent the edges from
cutting.

8. Attach the strip to the tube at one end:

attach here only
|
V ============ <- strip (curled upward a bit)
======
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--
^ \
/ \ |
| | |
| | |
| | |
\ / |
V /
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

9. 'Test drive' it! Lube it up with KY (try not to use oil-based
lubricant; you may want to use it with more than one person, and then
you'll be using a condom).

Now, stuff the SIU up the tailpipe and lube well.

You now have several options for fucking your car. One major one
is from behind. If the car is automatic shift, then put the car in Park
and remove the emergency brake. This will enable the car to rock back and
forth to your thrusts. If the car is manual transmission, chock the wheels
well, remove the emergency brake, and put the car into gear — the higher
the gear, the more play the car has. This will also enable the car to
rock. Kneel behind the car. Now thrust in.

You may not have any trouble with heavier manual transaxled cars,
since you may not have to chock the wheels — the weight of the car will
prevent the engine from 'topping out' and moving the car away. Lighter
manual transaxled cars are more likely to be topped out by your thrusts,
so chocking is necessary. In general, the lower the gear, the less
play, but the more difficult it is to top the engine out.

Another major method is to lie down under the car, your upper body
under the car, and thrust into the car. It is difficult, though, to make
the car rock unless you push on the closest rear tire.

I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the car
sideways.

More than one person can fuck a car if it has more than one
tailpipe on opposite sides of the car. This will also make the car rock
faster and harder since the energy of two people will add.

NEVER fuck a car with the engine on. Firstly, you will be breathing
hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the car
will either stall (because there's something blocking the tailpipe, heh)
— causing damage to the engine — or will force the exhaust out. And
you have an idea where the exhaust will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

If you do not use a condom and you come inside the car, ten or
fifteen minutes of driving will kill off anything inside. So you do not
have to worry about STDs from that. What you will have to worry about,
though, is the SIU itself. It is not being sterilized. Therefore, if you
use an SIU you think is going to be used by someone else, use a condom,
and use KY jelly or some other water-based lubricant. Remember — oil
rots condoms, and so will an oil-based lubricant.

Enjoy your cars!

—Dekhyr Dragon

Photo credit: Rileyroxx

Residents of Town Say Shape of Traffic Posts is Offensive [KomoTV]

Related:
British Mechanic Shags Cars [internal]

In the words of Samuel Clemens, "There are lies, damned lies and statistics." Last February we learned that — according to an AA Personal Loans poll — 1/3 of Britons have had sex in their motorcars. Now, according to another survey by rental agency Holiday Autos, that number is 58%! Have things changed that much in Blighty in less than six months? Are Brits more likely to be frank about their sex lives with a rent-a-car company than a banking organisation? And where is Durand Durand, anyway? – Davey G. Johnson

More Than Half of Brits Have Had Sex In Cars [Life Style Extra, UK]

Related:
La Dolce Vita In The Backseat of My Car: Third of Britons Shag in Vehicles

So you're gettin' some in your Volvo wagon, which you've parked in some haunted Ingmar Bergmanesque Swedish woods on a side road off a busy highway, and for some reason you've left the car in neutral with the parking brake off. Here comes this psycho bastid and... well, we don't want to spoil it for you. According to the YouTube description, this is adman Fredrik Bond's first spec commercial. – Murilee Martin

Related:
MG ZR: The Car That Exposes Spanish Panties! [internal]

Residents of the Spanish burg of Santiago del Teide are in a tizzy over law-enforcement agents making with the sexual action in patrol cars while on duty. Apparently, these officers enjoy the protection of the mayor, while other cops feel left out on the cold; reprimanded and punished for arriving late for work. According to the regional independent police union, there's little chance of change, as the mayor's got plenty of family in town, which means many votes in the upcoming elections. If Tom of Finland were still alive, we're sure he'd be on a plane for Spain right now — even in the rain. – Davey G. Johnson

Sex on duty: dirty tricks in panda cars, protection in the town hall [Tenerife News]

Related:
Sex With Wheels: British Mechanic Shags Cars [Internal]

Literally. And in classic UK tabloid-press style, The Sun has the story; frankly, having lived in the SF Bay Area, Los Angeles and Austin, TX, this just doesn't seem that odd to us. Nor does it seem particularly hot. But dude has boffed a Bentley Arnage, which is something that we'd drop a couple bucks to see, just for curiosity's sake. You know, sorta like a donkey show. Except with a dude. And a Bentley. – Davey G. Johnson

Mechanic: I have sex with cars [The Sun, UK]

Related:
La Dolce Vita in the Backseat of My Car: Third of Britons Shag in Vehicles [Internal]

According to the United Kingdom's AA Personal Loans' latest survey, 34 percent of UK motorists have have admitted to making the beast with two backs in their mechanized beasts of burden. What's more, the over-50 set seems to have the most experience in such matters, with 31 percent of the demo surveyed owning up to playing hide-the-something-or-other-in-some-place-or-another, while 35 percent of the sample admit to what's presumably a game of "Guess Which Knuckle?" We wonder how much of the action has taken place in custom Ford Transits and/or Bedford Rascals. Happy Valentimes, kids! – Davey G. Johnson

Valentines admit to sex in cars [Easier.com]

Related:
The Perils of Road Head As Depicted On Celluloid [Internal]

Turns out the soccer mom in the 6,000 lbs SUV cutting you off on the way to work is actually the safest driver on the road. Especially on Wednesdays. In February. In Boston. Before you scream, we know the press still thinks "skill" and "safe" are synonyms. But here's the big news; men are 77% more likely to die in an accident than women given the same number of miles driven. Why? According the study's author, "men do stupider things." Which is sort of like announcing that water is wet. Also noteworthy, if you are a 21 to 24-year-old male and a ride a motorcycle between midnight and 4:00 am, you are 45,000 times more likely to die than an average driver. We recommend you start smoking. – Jonny Lieberman

Risk of death higher for male drivers; elderly women more likely to die than teenage boys [AP]

Related:
Women Harder to Please than Men in Cars, Chuh [Internal]

The words "I'll trade you a blowjob for a ride home," will always ring in our mind as one of the ultimate teenage rites of passage. Add the incongruity of a goth chick and an El Camino, and the source of our passion for all things truckcar and brunettes in interesting stockings becomes rather abundantly clear. The kids over at The Onion's AV Club have come up with a list of filmic reasons why vehicular oral pleasure is inadvisable according to Hollywood, but frankly, well, we're still unbelievers. – Davey G. Johnson

Inventory: 8 Films Illustrating That Oral Sex And Cars Don't Mix [The Onion]

Related:
Danish Bikini Speed Bandits Help Make Copenhagen a Less Fast Place [Internal]

[Speedbandits]

Related:
Where's The Fun In This? SpeedAlert Tells Drivers To Slow Down; Oh Man, Bo Darville Would've Dispatched These Guys Right Quick-Like [internal]

"It would appear that there is a correlation between skin factor and company size. Ford and GM, for example, don't have booth babes. Companies selling rims and exhaust systems have girls with cleavage showing in the front or rear."

"Companies selling tires have girls with cleavage showing in the front and the rear."

[2006 SEMA Booth Babes Gallery] (NSFW)

Related:
Jalopnik Poll: Auto Show Booth Babes From The Land Of Borscht Versus The Land Of Baguettes; Are You A NOPI Chic? Dubspeed Driven's Choose Your Own Adventure Photo Galleries; In Cordoba, We Have What We Need: The Girls of the Paris Auto Show [internal]

We once put a ring on the finger of a woman whose career to date had been customer service. And when she got bad service herself, she was more than willing to complain about it. Rather loudly, we might add. We've also been in customer service. Or cotomer sevis, if you will. We understand when peons are hamstrung by corporate policy, and politely ask to speak to a superior. And then, when all devolves into a mess of dumbassery, we get vicious. Lately, we've dropped the AOL cancellation story to get our way.

But the point is this, based on our entirely unempirical evidence, men are more likely to let things slide than women. This is not always the case. We've known a few men, who on principle, will bitch down to the last overcooked pomme frite. In that case, we just don't go back to the offending place and don't recommend it to friends. Last night, while standing out in front of the bodega talking to a guy with a fairly-fresh Hachi with a killer set of Panasports, we watched some dude in an '80s Accord coupe mercilessly go off on a panhandler. We thought to ourselves, "Wow man, you wasted a portion of your life making somebody feel bad, when the time would've been better spent worrying about the badness of your haircut."

Which make the results of J.D. Power survey that Paukert hipped us to not exactly surprising. Apparently, given a compilation of fifteen-thousand polled, women are less satisfied with their cars than men, but only by a small margin. The numbers? 78.3 percent of women were satisfied with their vehicles, versus 79.6 for the XY types among us. The 1.3% differential isn't enough to write off our wives and girlfriends as loony by virtue of statistics, but it does speak to our own little theory that if a car goes, handles and brakes well, little inconveniences are more trivial for men.

On the other hand, women tend to be more concerned with things that simply work the way things are supposed to.

And on that note, in hard numbers, you have the explanation for the pansexual popularity of both the Mini and the Camry. – Davey G. Johnson

Battle of the Sexes [Evecars via Winding Road]

Related:
You Should See What Happens When She Shifts Into Second Gear! [Internal]

Molson-swilling solicitors of prostitutes have something new to worry about in the great province of Alberta. While our neighbors to the north generally don't crack down on johns as hard as many American municipalities, they do who cruise for ladies of the evening to require the men to attend "John School."

But apparently explaining why they may need a day to themselves to wives or co-workers has proven problematic for the johns, so police in Alberta decided that the way to make attendance compulsory was to threaten to take the mens' vehicles. Meanwhile, in a bout of typical bout of Canadian politeness laced with loathing for all involved, a the president of the Alberta Civil Liberties Union thinks the police shouldn't have the right to make laws. Oh, Canada. – Davey G. Johnson

Alberta law will let police seize johns' cars [Globe and Mail]

Related:
Streetwalkin' Cheetahs With Hearts Full of Po-Po Bust Would-Be SoCal Johns, Cars Confiscated [Internal]

[Moscow Auto Show Booth Babes Gallery]
[Paris Auto Show Booth Babes Gallery]

? ? ? 2006 [autonews.ru]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Related:
Are You A NOPI Chic? Dubspeed Driven's Choose Your Own Adventure Photo Galleries; In Cordoba, We Have What We Need: The Girls of the Paris Auto Show [internal]

[2006 NOPI Bikini Contest Gallery] (NSFW)

Bikini Contest Finals (NSFW) [Dubspeed Driven]
Car Show Photos [Dubspeed Driven]

Related:
We're Totally Going To NOPI Next Year! Some Hotlanta Booty Shake [internal]

In 2005, Cuneo received complaints from employee Sayaka Kobayashi, who claimed she was sexually harassed by her boss, TMA chief executive Hideaki Otaka. According to court filings, Kobayashi did not feel Cuneo addressed her concerns. Otaka left the company after Kobayashi's lawsuit was filed.

So yeah, umm — we don't know either — and of course...

...we'd never speculate — so our best bet's that its got something to do with that whole Otaka-Kobayashi thing. Or you know, he just really liked the view of K-street better from his old law firm digs and it took him 22 years to realize it. – Ray Wert

Cuneo leaves Toyota to return to law (sub. req.) [Automotive News]

Related:
Jim Press-ing On After Toyota Sex Scandal; Toyota's Otaka Is Totally Feeling It [internal]

"According to several Fleshbot operatives in Brazil, the hottest thing to hit the media there this week is a recent video clip showing MTV presenter and former soccer wife Daniela Cicarelli canoodling with current beau Tato Malzoni on a beach in Spain."

But then, as if this poor little hottie didn't already have too much to worry about, we're told by the Brazilian site O GLOBO ONLINE, she's now had the folks at GM take away more than her pride. The General, a company apparently not looking at getting its SexyBack,...

...has gone and cancelled the young lady's contract to shill for Chevy. Oh noes! At least, we're pretty sure that's what happened — we don't know Portuguese real well, and here's what Babelfish's given us:

"Looked for the O GLOBE ONLINE, the assembly plant she divulged the following official notice: "the contract of Daniella Cicarelli is locked up and GM already had a strategy for the launching of a new campaign". according to assessorship of the press of the mark, the object of the agreement at the same time of the spreading of the controversial video if deals with "mere coincidence" and that GM always renews its boy-propaganda with regularity. The commercial ones, that before they were disponibilizados also in the site of the multinational, also had disappeared mysteriously after the episode."

What we do know is if GM's taken away this woman's contract, they should give it right back...this woman needs to be out there selling cars — hell, bring her here to the US, we'll take her! By the way, eternal glory awaits the reader who can get us a working link to the video. What? It's for...research purposes. Yeah, that's it.

Daniela On The Beach (NSFW!) [Fleshbot]
V deo Cicarelli: GM tira comercial do ar e fam lia do namorado est constrangida [O Globo Online]

Related:
You Should See What Happens When She Shifts Into Second Gear! [internal]

Tight pants may have come into vogue in rock 'n' roll when musicians realized that by keeping the package well-insulated, they could show off their manhood and then later insert it into groupies with less worry of large child-support bills. However, now a German doctor is saying that heated seats may actually be a more powerful anti-male-fertility agent than a pair of ball-huggers. On average, the seats raise the testicular temperature three degrees above normal, leading to more common instances of slow and misshapen sperm in men who spent much of their time in the hot seat.

Heated seats in cars blamed for low male fertility [The Raw Story]

Related:
You Should See What Happens When She Shifts Into Second Gear! [Internal]