The rules of the Trivia Test Penalty are simple: answer five questions correctly and you're free to go. Each quiz has 15 questions, and most teams have to slog through all of them before they can get back on the track. The LeMons-specific tests include such questions as "Which of the following vehicles has never flipped over at a LeMons race?" and "How much does $1,500 worth of nickels weigh?" The general trivia tests include some softballs (to provide false hope to the miscreants) and some total ball-busters. Here's one of the easier General Automotive Trivia Penalty Tests for you to try out:

1. The technology inside Toyota's first automatic transmission was licensed from another manufacturer. What was it called?
A. Toyo-Matic (based on Ford Ford-O-Matic)
B. Toyoglide (based on GM Powerglide)
C. Toyo-Rush (based on Simca Rush-Matic)
D. Toyoflow (based on Buick Dynaflow)
E. UltraToyo (based on Packard Ultramatic)

2. Which of the following European cars was the Premier Padmini (built in India from 1969 through 2000) based upon?
A. Fiat 1100
B. Renault 8
C. Morris 1800
D. Skoda 110
E. None of the above

3. The license-built Soviet version of the Ford Model A was called:
A. UAZ-110
B. GAZ-44-19
C. ZIS B1
D. KIM 10-50
E. None of the above

4. In which of the following countries was the Fiat 128 never built?
A. Mexico
B. Egypt
C. Yugoslavia
D. Argentina
E. Spain

5. In what model year was the ill-fated Cadillac V8-6-4 engine introduced?
A. 1979
B. 1980
C. 1981
D. 1982
E. None of the above

6. How many ducks were in the old Cadillac emblem?
A. 2
B. 4
C. 6
D. 8

7. Which of the following 1974 cars had the lowest list price for the United States market?
A. Iso Lele
B. De Tomaso Pantera
C. Jaguar XJ12
D. Maserati Ghibli

8. Which of the following American cars was built in Brazil until 1972?
A. Rambler Rogue
B. Kaiser Henry J
C. Packard Caribbean
D. Willys Aero
E. None of the above

9. Which of the following German cars was built in Mexico until 1970?
A. Borgward Isabella
B. Opel Kadett
C. Lloyd Arabella De Luxe
D. Glas 1304 sedan
E. None of the above

10. Which of the following French cars was built in Argentina until 1990?
A. Renault 5
B. Citroën CX
C. Peugeot 403
D. Simca Chambord
E. None of the above

11. What kind of car did North Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh drive around Hanoi during the 1960s?
A. Peugeot 404
B. Citroën Traction-Avant
C. GAZ-21 Volga
D. Hongqi CA770
E. None of the above

12. How many horsepower did the 1958 Studebaker Hawk's supercharged V8 engine put out?
A. 250 horsepower
B. 275 horsepower
C. 289 horsepower
D. 315 horsepower
E. None of the above

13. What French car provided the ancestry for the suspension design of the 2004 Chrysler 300M?
A. Renault 30
B. Renault 25
C. Citroën XM
D. Matra Bagheera
E. You crazy? None of the above! USA! USA! USA!

14. Which of the following cars did mass murderer Timothy McVeigh use as his getaway vehicle from the 1995 Oklahoma City Federal Building bombing?
A. 1991 Geo Storm
B. 1975 Buick Electra
C. 1981 Toyota Tercel
D. 1977 Mercury Marquis
E. None of the above

15. The Chevrolet Corvair was made for the 1960 through 1969 model years. In what year was Ralph Nader's Unsafe At Any Speed, generally blamed for the demise of the Corvair, published?
A. 1960
B. 1962
C. 1964
D. 1965
E. None of the above

Answers below the photograph of one of the unfortunate teams that received the Cultural Revolution Penalty at Thunderhill.

1. B
2. A
3. E (it was designated the GAZ M1)
4. A
5. C
6. C
7. B ($10,295 versus $24,500 for the Iso, $13,000 for the Jaguar, and $19,275 for the Maserati)
8. D
9. A
10. E
11. A
12. B
13. B, via the Eagle Premier and Chrysler's purchase of AMC
14. D
15. D

Speaking of LeMons miscreants, here are some examples of what the justices of the LeMons Supreme Court see over and over, all weekend long. Actually, these dudes are more coherent than most, but you get the idea:

When the current generation Chevy Malibu debuted it was heralded as the second-coming of the American mid-size sedan. While it's a big leap forward from the previous generation in style, sophistication and competitiveness, it's only because it's as somnabulant as any other mid-sizer. With a V6 and an automatic transmission it's like you're not driving anything at all. While this appeals to some drivers it does nothing but put us to sleep.

You'd think the Malibu Hybrid is even more of a snooze-fest but at least in the hybrid, the engine turns itself off sometimes, which is less quiet and more disquieting. Like, "Holy Shit my car just... oh, wait. Nevermind." It'll wake you up.

Before you load up on beer and tell your dad what you really think about his "new girlfriend," tell us whether there's another car more soporific to knock you out before he does.

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Since at least two of us already drive cars designed for AARP card-holders (Wojdyla's XJR and Hardigree's Volvo wagon), we see the opposite happening in 40 years. We'll be driving the latest super car: the Chery Wind of A Thousand Mountains, which of course traces it's lineage back to the great auto industry collapse of 2030, when Chery purchased both Lamborghini and Ferrari when they went out of business. It will also be the last gas-powered new car in existence, which we'll use to fend off scavengers who survived the robotpocalypse. We can't wait for the future.

Add a little silver to your foxy hair and look through your glaucoma-free eyes into the crystal ball and tell us: what will you drive when you're 70?

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Stupid is as stupid does. Ever set a race car on fire by cramming too much tire underneath it? (Been there.) Ever build a LeMons car out of an overly complex, doomed-to-fail supercar just because it had twelve cylinders? (Ditto.) If you haven't cocked things up in the name of cranking the speedo needle off the dial, then you're probably not trying. We know you're out there, and we know you've blown up way more machinery than we have, all because you Just Weren't Going Fast Enough.

If you're still here, then it couldn't have been that bad. Dumber things will happen, and they will probably happen to you. And us. But the question remains: To date, what's the dumbest thing you've done for more speed?

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In our minds, the worst is the King King Crew Member Edition VW Touareg. That's right, you're forking out money not to have a vehicle driven by a star of King Kong, nor a vehicle robust enough to tackle King Kong's island, but rather a vehicle designed to mimic what a crew member of the film King Kong drove around in to get Peter Jackson coffee and donuts. For $57,000. And if the indignity of actually paying that much money to remember a movie unloved by most wasn't enough, you also get a giant embarrassing King Kong logo on the B-pillar reminding people this isn't just an expensive VW, it's an expensive VW driven by a moron.

That's bad, there may be worse, what's worse than that?

BTW, pictured is the StudioTorino Fiat 500 Diabolik, a close runner up.

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At the top of our list is the Viper SRT10, a car which manages to approximate the feeling of tumbling over the side of a cliff only to discover you've landed perfectly on a branch and are therefore, hyperventilation and adrenaline aside, alive. Other super cars are designed, by virtue of having so much power and being driven by important rich people, to give you a sense of control in most situations. The Viper SRT10 was not. Driving it you feel completely out of control no matter where, when or under what conditions thanks to a shaky chassis, too much horsepower and horrific sight lines. And should you survive the drive — and this isn't a given — pull over to the side of the road after a long run and you've got to be careful you don't give your calves and hands third-degree burns from the fire-inducing exhaust pipes.

Not like that's always a bad thing. Now that we've revealed our fears, let us peer deep into your soul: what car scares the crap out of you?

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There are many, many Soviet cars we love but when forced to choose just one we feel it's important to remember that Stalin ruled his realm with an iron fist and any car we pick will have to contain similar metallurgical properties. Therefore we're picking the largest, toughest, and sexiest of all Russian cars: the Series III Volga M21. With enough clearance to climb over political dissidents, a powerful-for-Soviet-era 80 HP inline-six for outrunning the KGB, and a sexy look it was the car to have. Today the car is a legend and the preferred platform for serious customizations. Heck, one of them can even fly.

Okay Comrade, your turn. In Russia, car picks you. But this isn't Russian, this is America, so you pick your favorite Russian car.

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Photo Credit: 57Sweptside

Ben Wojdyla, not surprisingly, has us all topped on this one. We've had some expensive repairs, but his uncommon 740 Volvo diesel endured an uncommonly pricey experience. A victim of its own uniqueness, the car was purchased for $2,000 and not long after purchase, there were transmission issues. Two months later the problem was sorted out. The total cost of getting it to work? About $1,700. As a percentage of the value of the car it's 85%. For all that scratch he could have just purchased a $3,700 car.

What about you? Shock us with the final bill price. What's your priciest car repair bill?

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Photo Credit: AFP PHOTO / QASSEM ZEIN

We came up with the Ford SVT Raptor, which I could explain in a post but it makes more sense if you read this.

Take us through your thought process. What Would Jason drive?

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We're also including "lamest excuse given" in this for those bold enough to admit when they're completely full of it. Our favorite comes from a friend-of-Jalop who crashed into another car and then went off the track at Northern Illinois' own Blackhawk Raceway. The friend was in an E30 race car and the person he crashed into was driving a Fox-Body Mustang. His excuse? "Dude, Mustangs just have more brakes." Yeah, sure. It's what Mustangs are known for...

What about you? Surely you or your friends/family/lovers have done worse and claimed more.

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As excited as Siler is by the possibility of driving around NYC every day in an M1A1 with a bumper sticker reading "Free Driving Lessons" on the back, we're going with something we could actually drive every day. We've chosen the 4x4 Pinzgauer over other possibilities because a deuce-and-a-half is difficult to parallel park without "accidentally" crushing Mini Coopers. We'd go with the 4x6, but have you ever seen a valet manhandle anything with more than four wheels? It's like they've never competed in the Paris-to-Dakar rally before, or something.

The Pinzgauer is all we need in a daily driver: a convertible on the nice days, a wagon when we've got people to haul, a truck when we've got lumber to haul, and an off-roader when we've got to escape the zombie apocalypse. Plus, it's great for meeting girls.

Hey, lady, wanna see my Pinzgauer?

In honor of the veterans, let us know what olive green vehicle you'd like to push around your patch of friendly soil.

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Photo Credit: John F. Williams/U.S. Navy via Getty Images

We've polled the staff and come up with some stories that would be hard to believe if you didn't know the culprits. Wojdyla was given a ticket for taking a right on a yellow, which isn't so bad. Ray was once popped for driving a red Nissan GT-R in Brooklyn and having a "hard-to-read license plate." You know, those bright blue-on-white California manufacturer plates. Way hard to read if you're totally blind. Coincidentally, the officer sitting shotgun was a Nissan fan-boy and all he wanted to do was ask questions about the car — which Ray dutifully attempted to answer — while the officer's partner took his sweet time running his plate, license and insurance. They could have just said "my partner wants to see your car." Honesty's always the best policy.

Not surprisingly, Wes has the best story. He was pulled over for speeding, reckless riding, no license and no insurance. This was while he was sitting at a red light and in possession of both his license and proof of insurance.

Everyone else on this site has only been pulled over for completely logical reasons.

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Photo Credit: RAMZI HAIDAR/AFP/Getty Images

Call us conventional, but if you're going to have an SUV limo, then stick to the classics like an Escalade, Excursion or Hummer. They're large vehicles that look appropriate for such a task. It's entirely different and pointless to want an Escalade limo with a tiny little pickup truck bed on the back. What are you going to use that for? Really? If there's no hot tub in it then it's just for some sort of exceptionally back-country vanity. Look, all we're saying is no person impressed by this that has all their teeth.

What do you consider to be the most obnoxious limo conversion of the thousands of custom ones out there? Pictures or it didn't happen.

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Photo Credit: New Wave Limousines

There's the "dump 'em in a big bucket, let God sort 'em out" method, which saves time up front but means you'll spend hours digging through 100 pounds of greasy junk every time you need a certain bolt. Then there's the "sort 'em obsessively by size/type and put them in eensy, well-labeled drawers for later use" method, which takes for-freakin'-ever but pays dividends when you're working on your Hell Project at 2:00 AM and all the hardware stores are closed.

My method is half-assed organized; I have drawers for broad categories of fasteners (Long Bolts, Lock Washers, Machine Screws, etc.) and mix all the metric and SAE stuff higgledy-piggledy. A few Whitworth bolts have found their way into the mix, just to add to the fun. Hose clamps, weird pressure fittings, gauge senders, and other oddball crap gets quasi-sorted as well. The upshot: after a quarter-century of junkyard scrounging, I've got a big enough collection of hardware to find what I need… if I'm really motivated. How about you?

There are so many great cars we've let pass into oblivion, put out to pasture only to be replaced by cars we like even less than the original. Because it needs to be mass-marketed and have enough safety features to survive, as well as pass some sort of tests (though, we think there should be an exception), we're pulling for the BMW E30. It has ABS, at least one airbag, will easily pass an emissions test, still looks great, and drives better than most new BMWs. In fact, give us the choice between almost any new non-M BMW and, say, an E30 wagon we're going to take the E30. Actually, we'd probably take it over some M products, too.

Someone needs to step up, buy/recreate the tooling and start cranking these out.

What retired car do you think they should still make?

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It's been exciting to see more people take on the Transit Connect as a vehicle for customization. In terms of being a canvas, it's a big blank one with unique proportions someone with the right sort of creative spirit can easily exploit. Though a Dodge Sprinter 3500 would be better by this logic, the Transit Connect is also smaller, more affordable and a better drive. The Azentek and Grant Products Connect is a good first start, adding a custom pull-out kitchen and an upper bunk bed for sleeping. The Transit Connect could be a great office on the go with a sportier driving experience than your average van. We could also see a mid-mounted engine Supervan derivative if someone wanted to stuff something great from Ford's parts bin back there (Coyote? EcoBoost?).

What would you like to see the maestros of customization turn to next?

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There are a lot of good answers given the number of cars made to appeal both to the masculine and the vain. We think the one vehicle truly capturing both of these sides of the mimbo/himbo persona is the Jeep Wrangler Unlimited. In basic form, a Jeep has always been an appealing vehicle for -imbos of all varieties since at least the 1970s. In four-door form you reduce the likelihood of someone driving it off road and increase the possibility of a dude putting big shiny rims on it. The ability to go hard-top or convertible (i.e. accessorize) truly pushes it into the mimbo extreme.

Because they have to get to the tanning salon somehow, what's the ultimate mimbo car?

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Photo Credit: Michael Buckner/Getty Images

Simple. In our mind, nothing beats a bolt-on Roots-type supercharger. Just look at the efficiency map above if you're even for a moment thinking anything else beats it at making your car better.

You have something better? Try us in the comments below.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia

In our minds — the worst add-on is any aftermarket part sold as a "performance" booster when there's not a lick of performance benefit provided by it. Put anything chrome, plastic and fake on a hood or side quarter panel and we're NOT going to like it. At all. But, recently we found these 3A Racing "performance" mesh fabric seat covers. We're not only 100% sure they won't make your car go faster, we're pretty sure the added weight will actually decrease performance. What we also know is we don't want them.

You have something worse? Give us specifics and pictures in the comments below.

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We hope, we seriously hope, the concept that will be passé in a decade will be the stupid narrow greenhouse, chopped-roof look. They're fine on concept cars much in the same way impossibly shaved tires and LED-everything are fine on concept cars and yet they're what end up in the final cars (we're really willing to try LED-everything). The problem is manufacturers have been persuaded by researchers to believe that the higher the belt-line the more secure people will feel and the easier it will be to sell a car. The reality is it's incredibly dangerous. If you haven't had the pleasure of driving a new Camaro or GT-R you haven't had the pleasure of almost getting a colo-rectal exam by a dude in an F-250. It's unnatural, uncomfortable, and no longer really stylish since you can get the same thing on a Kia Soul.

What about you? What are we going to look back on and scoff at soon?

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Just to reiterate, the challenge is to bring a new, stock production four-door vehicle and try to beat the admittedly tough Cadillac CTS-V. Our first choice was, of course, a Mercedes C63 AMG until Mercedes decided they didn't want to have anything to do with it. And then Jaguar backed out with their XFR. At the end of the day, we're quite pleased with our Evo as we think it'll be able to hang with the big boys for a fraction of the price.

Assuming unlimited access and automakers with spines, what four-door stock production car would you bring to Monticello and why?

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Photo Credit: The Detroit Bureau

If you haven't noticed, we're sort of obsessed with the post-apocalypse, so this is something we've given a lot of thought to and, on any given day, we're going to change our mind. There are two things you need to know about the post-apocalyptic cannon of Mad Max. Namely, there's not much fuel and how scary you look is roughly proportional to how scary you really are. So it goes, it has to be tough, it has to be efficient and it needs to be scary. Plus, it need to fit all the basic post-Ap requirements (speed, strength, maneuverability, defensibility, reliability, livability).

After a lot of thought, we're going to go with the Bushmaster Protected Mobility Vehicle, which was designed with fights in northern Australia in mind. It's lightly armored so it's not as slow as other mine-protected vehicles. It's also powerful enough to carry nine troops with their equipment and food/water for three days. Take out the other eight people, replace them with a trusty dog, and you've got enough space to carry a lot of gear. Oh, and it's got a robust air-conditioning and an even more robust Caterpillar 3126E engine. The one drawback is the appearance, which isn't as scary as other vehicles. To correct this problem we're going to Camino-ize part of the back and add a shark-nose to the front to give it the definition it needs.

What about you? Are you going to stick to the pre-war time period and pick a vehicle from the pre-1970s? Maybe something newer? It's your post-apocalypse, so you get to choose how you survive it.

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As it stands now for us, Wojdyla's seemingly never finished (but always slowly progressing) 1964 Lincoln Continental is still the most ambitious project we've got going. It's ambitious because it's so unwieldy, just finding a place to fit an 18.5-foot-long car is tough, let alone work on it. Then talk about the fun of getting a 5,000 lb car onto stands. Add to it the 430 MEL V8 instead of the common-as-dirt 460 which came later, half the vacuum lines leak, the tiny engine bay and unibody construction makes everything difficult to get at and new old stock parts are rare at best. It's Ben's own personal project car hell.

Now it's your turn to brag. Have you attempted to rebuild a classic car, transport a K-Car limo with no steering wheel across the country, or try to get a Fiat to run consecutively for more than 30 minutes? What's your most ambitious automotive undertaking?

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We can think of a lot of horrible paint job-car combos, but in our mind the absolute worst paint job we can think of is the p-shop we have above — combining the middling 11.5-second-0-to-60 performance of a Chevy Aveo mated to race-heritage-in-spades Gulf Oil livery. We shudder and then vomit just thinking about it.

Can you do worse? Let's read it — and see it in the comments below.

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Now, there's no argument that the tiny, 1,300cc Festiva is a truly effluent vehicle, but this one is only 21 years old and it wasn't built in Britain, Italy, France, the Soviet Union, or 1963 Detroit. Does Team Festivus have a shot at the coveted "most from the least" Index Of Effluency Award?


Meanwhile, the "No Fat Shiksas" Team Israel Opel GT, which gets around the track pretty well this time, is in 34th place... but this team has already won the IOE and is thus semi-ineligible to win it again so soon. After that, we've got the Black Knight Racing: It's Only A Flesh Wound Triumph TR7 in 46th place. The air-cooled Volkswagens all seem to be kaput, and the Gremlin appears to be deader than the AMC brand. Should we hand the prize to the British Leyland machine?

We say picnic tables. We love a great picnic; sitting out with old cars and swapping stories and swapping parts. The biggest problem is having to move the picnic when it starts to rain, or the shade shifts, or a kid discovers a fire ant hill next to the table. It's a hassle. So why not motorize the picnic table itself so you can move the picnic with you? It's so genius, it turns out the Canadians have attempted this technology, but we think it's going to be the power of American engineering, combined with the flexible labor laws of the Philippines, that'll bring this idea to the market.

What about you? What do you think needs to be motorized?

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Photo Credit: Everglades Resort

Remember, this was the race that made the 300SL famous, and you still can't choose a car newer than 1965. And as much as this is about "winning" it's just as much about looking great and bringing together classic metal. Style points are important.

Since you are racing across Mexico, and it's not like there's a Citgo station on every corner, we're going with the 1940 Ford Business Man's Coupe. It looks gorgeous, with proportions that are both classic and yet unique. Making it standout against rods of the era is the enormous trunk (ostensibly for the gear businessmen carry with them), perfect for carrying a large gas tank, spares, and weapons with which to fend off lower level drug cartel militiamen. Sure, the 85 HP Flathead V8 probably won't send you into first place, but this is why motor swaps were invented.

What about you? What vintage metal would you race south-of-the-border, down Mexico way?

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For more info and photos check out Positive Ape Index

We were able to push a Ford Escort into the 140K-range before it was traded away for house paint, besting the old 300D Mercedes by a few thousand if we remember correctly. Ben has also had luck with tiny Ford hatchbacks, achieving somewhere in the mid 150s on a ZX3 before passing it on to his sister. None of this is incredibly high, mostly because we can't sit on one car for that long. The guy from the car service in North Carolina last week claimed over 400K on his Volvo 240 Wagon, which we find completely believable.

What about all of you? Someone out their must have cracked 300K. Bonus points for pictures of the Odometer.

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There are so many cars from 1983 to turn to, but the properly maligned Cadillac Cimarron is probably the worst. Cadillac's plan to turn the Cavalier into an entry-level vehicle is considered one of GM's most obvious and hilarious blunders. It was almost twice the cost of the little Chevy and offered only touches of leather and badges to justify the price increase. It also suffered from all the typical quality issues of GM product from the era. It is, in so many ways, the worst car of 1983.

What car do you resent the most from your year of birth? Please lead the answer with your year of birth so we can properly compare.

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Being born in 1983, choices are limited but very interesting considering the daily driver is already from 1986. But if the clock is rewound three years then we end up with a Callaway Alfa Romeo GTV6. The Callaway-tuned twin turbo V6 pushed out 230 HP for a 0-to-60 MPH time of just 5.9 seconds, making it one of the quickest vehicles on the block. It's also attractive and unique — sound like someone you know?

What about you? Start with your birth year and pick out the car from this calendar year you'd most like to have in your driveway today.

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Photo Credit: Alfa Club

The Nissan Cube was going to be our jam, offering a comfortable and thoughtfully-designed econobox for the urban driver on the model of the Kei cars of Japan. Instead, the Cube is just a funkier Nissan Versa offering a driving experience well behind the Honda Fit with only passable efficiency and interior styling ruined by the curvy outside windows. It's not the little Japanese car we wanted, it's just another little Japanese car we don't care about.

What's disappointed you? What raised your hopes only to throw them on the ground, stomp on them a few times, and then casually spit on them as it drives away?

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We feel like it changes for us every day. Ben claims his next car's going to be a Lotus Elise, but since he just bought his catty little dream car, we're not sure what he's really thinking about. I claim my next car will be a Camaro SS but in reality it'll probably be a MINI Cooper S JCW Edition just so I can park it in smaller-than-a-Zeta-platform-sized spots. But what about you — what's your next car?

And remember, we'll hold ya to it!

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As much as we'd like to say it's the BMW 3.0 CSL by Calder, thus padding our cred, or maybe the interesting Frozen Olafur Eliasson Car, in reality it's Carhenge and the entire Car Art Reserve in Western Nebraska. It's a monumental, literally, tribute to the type of car culture we've built while still forcing us to ask questions about what it means for society. Given that it replicates Stonehenge as it is now, instead of its original form, it also brings up the the current state of the domestic car industry.

What about you? What would you hang on your wall or park in your garage? For ideas, check out our Car Art tag.

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The Fords, of course, have a history of battling. Henry Ford bested Alexander Winston in 1901 and used that success to start an empire. But not all great automotive duels start with a race. Later, Henry Ford II took up the mantle when Enzo Ferrari walked away from talks with FoMoCo. It was a slap in Ford's face and HF2 took it upon himself to hit Ferrari right where it hurt by enlisting Carroll Shelby to lead a racing program to beat Ferrari at the 24 Hours of Le Mans. It was quite the battle, but Ford proved the strength of his will and in 1966 the checkered flag waved for Ford. To read the full story check out the wonderful Go Like Hell by A.J. Baime.

What do you consider to be the greatest automotive duel of all time? Two automakers? Two cars? Two drivers?

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We're partial to the BMW M5 sedan, the official track taxi of the Nürburgring. With a 0-to-60 time of under 4.5 seconds and an electronically-limited top speed of 155 MPH, there's plenty of high-speed fun to be had. Add in legendary BMW driving dynamics and you'll have all the g-forces most people will want to endure. Not to mention, you'll be able to enjoy your trip around whatever course in luxury and style, as with any good livery vehicle. If it's good enough for the "Green Hell" it's good enough for us.

How about you? What do you want to be tossed around in?

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Just about every Motor City carmaker has produced a Brougham Edition of some sort over the years: Mercury, Plymouth, Oldsmobile, you name it. Why, even Nissan, with their Cedric Brougham VIP, hasn't been averse to jumping on the Brougham bandwagon. The emblem above is my current favorite junkyard emblem score: a 1990 Cadillac Brougham d'Elegance. In spite of- or, in fact, because of- the Cheeze-O-Meter™ pasting its needle in the red part of the dial every time it comes across one, we love Broughams! In fact, I'm edging ever closer to organizing the world's first-ever Brougham 500 Rally, in which entrants must drive a $500 Brougham between two Broughamic locations separated by 500 miles.

So, the question: What's your all-time favorite Brougham? Bonus points for the oldest, newest, and most obscure choices! Even more bonus points for the best start- and end-points for the Brougham 500 Rally.

Because most of us are rather subtle and prefer our privacy, we'd like something that says "obnoxiously well-healed" without screaming "look at meeeee!" Performance is a must, but everyone these days is trolling around in a Lamborghini or a Ferrari. Luxury is also important because, if we've done whatever we've done to become famous, we want to enjoy the Alcantara fruits of our labor. Therefore, we'd pull a Paul Newman and go with a sleeper wagon.

Though everyone focuses on the V8 Volvo wagons, we're partial to his 1988 Volvo 745GLE Grand National. That's right, it's got a Grand National turbo V6 in a comfortable, yuppie wagon. It's stealthy, powerful, luxurious and unique — just like we will be.

How about you? How will you blow all your pre-DUI celeb money?

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Our Official Jalopnik Map of United States Vehicular Douchebaggery clearly lays out what D-bags drive and where, but we've never considered the inverse. What is the opposite of a douchebag ride? What vehicle is anathema to douchebaggery? It has to be unassuming, more go-than-show, and inviting.

We're big proponents of the 1985 Ford LTD LX. It's the beloved-as-anything-but-a-Mustang Ford Fox platform with the HO 5.0-liter Mustang V8 dressed up in the most unassuming trim imaginable. Even this modified version still mostly looks like a family sedan despite its performance prowess. We can't imagine a D-bag ever buying something so stealthy.

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Photo Credit: CarDomain

In terms of purchasing cars we're rather frugal, with few of us ever deigning to outright buy a new car despite incentives. When Wojdyla snagged his Jaguar XJR he more than doubled the amount we paid for our Volvo 245 though managed to still spend less than $10K. No, the money we spend on cars has everything to do with keeping them in great running condition. And there, unfortunately, we don't seem to reach a limit.

How about you? What's the most you've paid? What's the most you will pay?

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The 1980s era Subaru B.R.A.T. is a vehicle that fulfills all of our basic requirements for a cheap, fun car: it's economical, is essentially an El Camino, and available with a manual tranny. But then Subaru ups the fun quotient with Chicken Tax-defeating rearward-facing seats for more friends. And because it's a Subaru you're also getting a healthy dose of AWD for running up sand dunes or across muddy fields. Though it may not be able to out-drift an AE86, the B.R.A.T. was a go-anywhere, do-anything car-truck for any occasion.

Hey, remember the 80s? Remember cheap fun cars? Tell us about it Mo Rocca.

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