[DC Shoes]

There's also this awesome video to see it in action as it doesn't so much drift around the snow drifts as it plows through them.

[0-60]

Add one part beat up 2004 Subaru 2.5 RS, one part spare set of donut tires, a flare gun, a dirt parking lot, a mobile home and whole lot of dangerous hoonage and you've got yourself quite a spoof on Ken Block's epic Gymkhana Practice videos. While shooting a video like this on public roads is probably not the smartest idea, it's pretty enjoyable to watch. Just make sure you skip ahead to the 50 second mark where the action starts. (Hat Tip To Matthew & Dave!)

We could attempt to make some sort of sense out of the situation at hand, but the NASIOC forum member and Virginia Transportation Engineer who took these images has taken the time to umm... delicately... dissect the actions and reactions that resulted in this epic 'Dukes of Hazzard' style failure. Read on:

Dear Asian Woman in Grey VW Passat,

Every once in a while I come across pictures of accidents that are amazing, embarrassing, stupid, tragic and hilarious. But never have I ever come across an accident such as the one you had at one of our job sites this morning.

The first thought to go though my mind was the emoticon :-D, then a set of Internet slangs (ROFL and WTF to be exact) then an Internet meme of failblog. That's right, you have managed to create a scene so jawdroppingly incomprehensible, completely illogical, and physics defying that all the logical and reasoning receptors of my brain rejected these thoughts and they jumped straight to the portion of my brain destroyed by the Internet and alcohol. Taking the time to deduce the events prior to the current situation in the picture has made my brain hurt.

I have seen the maintenance of traffic plans on Frying Pan Road/Route 28 interchange and they are pretty simple. There were no sudden lane shift or complicated detours and the project was signing and marking was placed by the book. The lanes were narrowed from 12 feet to 11 feet and the traffic was shifted to one side to allow room for the construction area off the shoulder. The situation created should have been anything but confusing. All the cars entering the work zone were reduced in speed and the giant orange reflective barrels, signs and concrete barriers on either side channeled you into your lane.

If you could, please answer the following questions because Deep Blue would have trouble crunching the permutations it took for you to end up the way you did.

* How did you not notice that you at one point came off pavement and onto 50 feet of dirt, still manage to have enough speed traverse the dirt pile and jump 20 feet to land on the concrete wing wall?
* Are you familiar with operating a vehicle on a US roadway before?
* Do you know that on US roadways there is always pavement under your tires?
* Do you know the difference between driving on dirt and asphalt?
* Were you under the influence of and drugs, video game episodes or alcohol?
* Are you aware that there are no jumps to clear giant concrete obstacles while driving?
* Are you aware that there are no points, money, gold coins to gain if you attempt to jump mounds of dirt on the side of the road?
* Do you think you are Ken Block?
* Has the positions of the gas and brake pedals been modified on your vehicle?
* Do you know which pedal does what in your vehicle?
* Has your car been modified in anyway such as rocket boosters or anti gravity jets?

Thank you in advance. Hopefully these answers will stop the hemorrhaging in my brain. If this incident has not taken your license away permanently please voluntarily cut it up right now.

Cheers,
Oodles-of-Noodles

P.S. I was going to put the typical unamused picture here but I am not. This was anything but. In fact, it requires an applause picture. Bravo for making my day, Bravo.

Too harsh? Probably exactly what she deserves. (Hat Tip To Angus!)

[via NASIOC]

Ken's a master of sliding sideways in his specially-equipped Subaru. And as you can see, he gives May the ride of his life — even if he doesn't have the guts to say it. And by guts, we mean of course playing his role as the anti-stereotypical "Captain Slow" by decrying his inability to drive fast in a straight line. Whatever — USA! USA! USA!

And on a personal note, we're glad to see even Top Gear's fabulous production team's taken to adding a bit more Planelopnik into their shot selection. Jolly good show, chaps!

In his typical "Rally Leviathan" style, Travis Pastrana nabbed his third win this season with almost a minute lead between him and second place finisher Tanner Foust. Andrew "Antilag Alarm Clock" Comrie-Picard picked up a third place finish — especially interesting considering Comrie-Picard ate tree during the practice stage. Pastrana's Subaru Factory teammate Ken Block was dramatically removed from the standings on Day Two after an 80 MPH flat tire did him in and left Block with a fractured control arm. Dave Mirra scored a first place finish in the Super Production class; walking away from the event with both his first rally win and a drop-forged cast iron grin.

We're betting on an underdog upset at one of these upcoming rallies; a real David Vs. Goliath moment. Even though he was taken out of this weekend's event due to a very blown engine, our chips are on racing wunderkind and Jalop-You-Never-Knew-Existed Matthew Johnson in his hyper-chromatic technicolor Subaru WRX at a post-X Games rally. You heard it here first.

Sit tight and follow our RallyAmerica tag for the upcoming gonzo coverage of the 2009 Oregon Trail Rally including our mega-gallery plus a smattering of tasty bonus features.

Photog Credit: Alex C. Conley

Alex "Chocolate Lovin'" Conley and I are saddling up our gear in preparation of this year's Oregon Trail Rally. The fourth race in the series runs loops around scenic Portland, Oregon with a super special stage located at the Portland International Raceway.

We'll be bombing the trails in a Subaru Forester; so, as always, stop and say hi if you see us out in the woods. I'll be slinging some private knowledge and pictures to my Twitter, @so_andy_said, so be sure to follow up if you're interested in the latest rally news. Also, keep track of our infamous RallyAmerica tag to catch our coverage as it goes up. We've still got a boatload of 100 Acre Wood photos and film that's waiting to go live - it's just taking a nap in the editing room to prepare for the great rocking of your faces. Who knew rally was so metal? Press On Regardless!

Photo Credit: Gnarls Barkley

In a 100-mile, tight, technical rally in the southern Catskills Mountains of New York, Ken slid towards a top finish with nearly a three minute margin between him and second place. Not a part of the RallyAmerica circuit, the rally was cited as being notoriously wet this year. Not to worry, as Block performed flawlessly and was noted to have been "unchallenged." Block raced his 2007 Open Class Subaru STi as his 2009 car is on its way west for the upcoming Olympus rally.

Photo Credit: Neil McDaid and Lars Gange

With enough speed to seal Ken's fourth win at the 100 Acre Wood in Salem, MO, the resulting footage is nothing short of breathtaking. New to our in-car game is a spiffy set of live data gauges telling the viewer exactly what's going on with those pedals.

Up next, we've got video interviews with Block and Pastrana, Behind the Scenes with Subaru Rally Team USA, and, of course, our 100 Acre Wood mega-gallery. Can you contain your excitement? We can't. Keep your browsers locked on our RallyAmerica tag for all this upcoming dirty fun. And as always, Press On Regardless!

Update: As it turns out, the video was just too friggin' awesome to be contained by our hamsters. We've moved it to Vimeo and all should be well. Sorry for those of you who's browsers we've imploded. It'll grow back, promise.

Here's an easy one for you, folks. We considered zooming it in on just the fender and making you search paint codes to up the ante, but that's no fun. Here's a hint: You'd have to be batshit insane to rally one of these. After a short chat with the genial driver and crew, we can confirm that they are indeed crazy.

The answer will be revealed once our 100 Acre Wood mega-gallery goes live. In the meantime, throw out your best guesses below. Keep an eye on our RallyAmerica Tag for further dirtysport updates.

Hot word on the trail is Travis Pastrana rolled violently in the last stage of the first day here at the 2009 100 Acre Wood Rally. No injuries were reported, but the car is toast. After this huge upset, Ken Block is currently poised for the win.

Keep an eye on our RallyAmerica tag for more updates as they roll in. We'll have a full photo gallery up tomorrow after the second and last day of racing wraps up. Even though our Travis Pastrana and Ken Block interviews are in the bag, we'll be chatting with Dave Mirra tomorrow. If any members of the Jalopnik Commentariat have a witty question to throw Dave's way, post it below and you may see it come to fruition.

This year's Sno*Drift Rally, held in Atlana, MI, brought a frothy mixture of high horsepower and tasty hydrocarbons to a quaint, rural town. Did you catch those friggin' sweet AfterEffects titles? Expect more of the same.

Right now, we're deep in the heart of Missouri to cover the 100 Acre Wood Rally here in Salem. We've upped our camera count from two to five to bring you exactly what you crave: dirty, naughty racing obscenity. If you catch us in our megaphone-equipped gunmetal-brown Saab 9-7x, stop and say hi. Press on regardless!

Photo Credit: Alex C. Conley
Video Credit: Kyle "Dangerzone" Conner and Brian "Nannerpuss" Shepanek

This clip gets you just a taste of what it'd be like to run with Travis Pastrana with co-driver Christian Edstrom - or riding shotgun with Ken Block and Alessandro Gelsomino. This footage is from Day 1 of the 2009 Sno*Drift rally held in Atlanta, Michigan this past January.

The guys over at Subaru Rally Team USA have put together a Subie-centric gallery of their own that can be seen here.

Or just stay here and check out our complete coverage of the 2009 Sno*Drift Rally. Also, you'll want to keep an eye on our RallyAmerica tag as our original HD video is about to pummel the automotive blogosphere with blood and thunder. Prepare.

Michigan is home to both the start and end of the yearly RallyAmerica racing circuit. The 2008 season came to an end in Houghton, Michigan last October at the Lake Superior Pro Rally. The fresh 2009 season begins anew here in Atlanta, Michigan during the dead of winter.

Snowmobiles and 4x4 trucks aren't just a convenience in Atlanta - they're a necessary facet of life. Good thing we were locked, stocked and two smoking cameras while rolling in our Roush Propane-powered F-150. This time we were pushing giant steamroller tires on chrome wheels as the factory hides met a smokey demise at an earlier date.

The rally went down as a classic snow rally with plenty of snowbank-Plinko and lots of off-course sliding. Spectators were quick to jump in and assist when drivers chose to jam their cars firmly into the stout, powdered walls. Our rookie favorite of last year Kyle Sarasin was stuck in an old front wheels-driven Mitsubishi Eclipse after his previous yellow Subaru-wielding team was disbanded. The title of Most Jalopnik Rally Car of this event was taken by Greg and Tom Woodside in their turbo 1987 Dodge Shadow.

After a short battle with Travis for the lead, Ken Block was knocked out in the first day with a mechanical failure as a result of a minor crash. Travis Pastrana and Christian Edstrom secured the first place finish while Tanner Foust and Co-driver Chrissie Beavis locked in the second rank in their Hyundai Tiburon. Andrew "ACP" Comrie-Picard and Marc Goldfarb snuck into third place after fighting against some handling problems in their Mistu Evolution IX. BMX baddie Dave Mirra pulled in a strong 6th-place finish.

Keep an eye on our RallyAmerica tag as we'll soon be following up with an exclusive behind the scenes look at Subaru's Rally Team, a full HD video of Sno*Drift and Travis and Ken's In-Car video. We're stuffing our hatchbacks in preparation of the 100 Acre Wood rally in a few weeks time located in Salem, MO. Press on regardless!

Partial Photo Credit: Alex "Tater Salad" Conley

Pricey rally cars eating snowbank is a perennial favorite up here in freezin' Atlanta, Michigan at the Sno*Drift Rally. Consider this a teaser for the massive, steaming pile of coverage we're about to bestow upon the internets. At the moment, we're digging through the 10 gigabytes of tasty action shots and miles of HD videotape we captured in the past weekend. To whet your appetite for now, please accept this epic shot we've lovingly placed below for your consumption.

To follow all of our obscene coverage of Sno*Drift and the rest of the scene from here on out, hit the RallyAmerica tag.

Photo Credit: Alex "Chocolate Lovin" Conley

The scene is northern Michigan. Very north. We're headed for the Houghton area, which is so far north it can't be properly represented by the usual "Michigan=Hand" model. We're in a convoy with amateur rally driver Billy Elliot and his tired but trusty VW GTI Group 2 racer. We're hauling fast to make it on time for the Parc Expose, the opening portion of the rally where the drivers must display their cars for viewing by the public. After all, it's the least they could do as a torrent of horsepower, oversteer and raucous noise is about to befall their tiny town.

With Travis Pastrana the far and away points leader coming into this race, this one is simply run for bragging rights and the second place position. Being the last race on the RallyAmerica circuit for the year, with also being the toughest and roughest, all of the cars are truly going for broke with the dire hopes of clinching a win. The regional guys push extra hard as this is their turf; they've got the home team advantage. The surface is hard packed dirt with a short stage over the Brockway Skyway, which is medium-quality tarmac that connects the Copper Harbor mountaintops. Brockway is the only stage on the entire RallyAmerica circuit to be run on true tarmac at race speeds, including its harrowing jumps and sheer cliff faces.

Heading up the Michigan regional racers and winning the award for Most Jalopnik Rally Car Ever is a bloke by the name of Mark Utecht in his Foxbody Mustang powered by a stroked 383 Windsor. Nothing can speak for the badassery of such a ride more than having it kick a half ton of fine silt into your lens from 20 feet away before speeding off into the sunset, back tires desperately fighting and losing a battle between a low traction surface and a high horsepower engine.

Ken Block eventually cinched the overall win, cementing himself in second place just below Travis and right above upcoming superstar Kyle Sarasin. Our pivot Billy Elliot walked away with no awards but was ultimately satisfied to leave his first performance rally alive and with a mostly functioning car.

Would you like to see more RallyAmerica coverage? Check back here as we're due to cover the Sno*Drift Rally next week in Atlanta, MI. We'll be on the scene in a Roush Propane F-150 just like this one and on the back of a pair of snowmobiles. If you spot us, feel free to say hi! See everyone out on the stage.

Video and Partial Photo Credit: Clutch Creatography

(Hat tip to everyone who sent this in!) [via 0-60mag]

One of the more unbelievable shots of the car and a boarder together off the same jump in mid air is running on the cover of Snowboarder magazine this month so you can get big glossy pictures if you look for it on news stands. This certainly outdoes our normal snowboarding trick of bunny hop to shaky landing to comical snowball rolling down the mountain. We're also wondering if this this would be considered drifting. (sorry)[Rally SportsMag.com]

A bit over six months ago, we ran a shot of Ken Block's 171-foot insane-o Subie-leap for the Stunt Junkies television programme. After watching this clip, we would not want to be the man's spine. Even if you've already caught the episode, this flight — exceeding the Wright Brothers' first powered trip into the air by 51 feet — is totally worth watching again. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Eight Miles High: Ken Block's Subie Leap [Internal]

With Special Guests [0-60mag.com]

Related:
Scotto on The Bullrun!; Eight Miles High: Ken Block's Subie Leap [Internal]

As far as we know, Ken Block doesn't own an R5 Turbo 2. But he should. Regardless of that faux pas, the man does own a plot of land in Utah reserved for his own hoonage. And frankly, if there's a number-one reason for being a successful businessman, this is definitely a contender for the top spot. Plus, Jerry Reed. – Davey G. Johnson

DC Rally Practice Facility [0-60]

Related:
Eight Miles High: Ken Block's Subie Leap [Internal]

Sweet Mother of Hazzard County and Fuji Heavy Industries. Ken Block launched this WRX way higher and farther than any motor vehicle should ever travel without its wheels planted on the ground. And he lived to tell the tale. Sheebus. – Davey G. Johnson

He Fly High [0-60]

Related:
More Ken Block [Internal]

Whether it's the point-to-point, party-to-party on-road banzai antics of the Bullrun and Gumball, or the off-highway, minimal-traction action of WRC, it seems like our boy Scotto just can't keep his face filled with rallying. It is food to him. As such, he's blogging over at WRC.com this week in anticipation of the upcoming first-ever X-Games rallying segment. Go show the tall man some love.

X-Treme Blog Day One [WRC.com]

Related:
McRae to Participate in X-Games Rally [Internal]

At the end of the Cannonball Baker One Lap of America, Yates and crew unleashed the racers upon the track for celebratory burnout action. And while Ken Block did some serious whippage and created a ton of smoke, the Mopar boys of the Jeep SRT-8 team (whose Erik Heuschele once put a Neon onto its door handles during a previous One Lap) created seemingly as much smoke as a Top Fueler with its front wheels set against the Chrysler Building. Scotto'll have a full report of the final stages on Monday.

Here you go.. Let the tire carnage begin! BURNOUTS!!!!! [Lake Effect Racing]

Related:
More One Lap [Internal]

Ken Block and Brian Scotto are nearing the end of their One Lap of America, and they're celebrating in style by hooning it up in a Target parking lot in Sheboygan in preparation for their morning adventure at Road America tomorrow. Below, Scotto recounts his first on-track session of the One Lap, during which he manages to both embarrass and redeem himself.

DAY 5

While an hour is long for sex, it's short for sleep, but I am still feeling chipper despite having robbed my body of a vital need. Why? Blame it on the rain. You see, today is my turn to to race at Putnam Park, but with the inclement weather upon us, it only makes sense to let the rally boy work his sideways magic. And I have to admit, I've been nervous about doing my ring thing. It's strange, while I won't think twice about drifting onto Sixth Ave or bombing a twisty back road at 9/10ths, tracks scare me — especially tracks filled with great drivers watching, judging and possibly laughing at you.

The One Lap time trials are ran in run groups according to your speed. The fastest go out first. But today, in the rain, the fastest are either sliding off on the grass or driving like they're wearing white-lace gloves. Except, of course, the AWD Subies and Evos. Ken and I can't help but smile when a Vette driver says "There is absolutely no traction out there today." I figure if Ken can find traction at 110mph in gravel, we should be good in the wet.

Ken actually rec'd the track on his skateboard in the morning and is studying his stage notes as I put my Canon SLR in its waterproof case: a Sheetz plastic shopping bag and two feet worth of duct tape. It's cold and nasty, and it occurs to me for the first time that Jalopnik is not paying me for all this work.

On his first hot lap, Ken is moving; the car's actually sliding instead of pushing through each turn. Brock Yates Jr. later tells me that a track worker said, "I can see [Ken]'s eyes from the start to the finish of the turn." Now, for those who have the spatial understanding of a goldfish, that means he was sideways all the way around. I can hear applause from the pit area as he comes passenger-side door first around the track's longest sweeper. Unfortunately, I am not positioned anywhere close enough to make it a SanDisk Moment.

"That guy has got to be the fastest around this in the wet," blurts pro-racer T.C. Kline about Ken as he pulls in behind him in the pits. And if it had kept raining, Ken would have finished fourth overall, but it dried up toward the end and the slower-running groups put down some dry track times. A Ford F150 finished fifth — ???! And a sandbagging Z06 took a time penalty and a calculated risk to run last and finished first. Oh well, Ken doesn't seem bothered. "I pulled the e-brake around that turn," he tells Kevin Jones — he of the the Crawford-built STi — "I probably would have had a better time if I didn't enjoy going sideways so much." But would he really have had a better time? Methinks not.

After miles of heavy understeer, tires begin to chunk up, and ours are looking ragged, so we swap them front to back for the now-dry run at 1 p.m. I wanted to sleep in the car instead, my nose is running, my head hurts, my throat is sore and my nostrils feels like I blew a line of asbestos. Yeah, I've been sick all week.

"Hey, I have an idea," says Ken. "You should race this one. I had enough fun already today, and it would be great for the story for you to get behind the wheel." He was right, but I'd never even looked at the course map, and our run group is leaving in five minutes. "Yeah you definitely should," adds Kiki — who is driving a Noble and doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well. Without much thought, I do what I do every time a girl tests my manhood — I drop my pants.

My arms and legs are shaking as I pull on my Alpinestars fireproof race suit. Ken jumps in with me as I drive up to the pit lane to give me the quick run down. "Okay, the first turn is a R4- and a R4+," At this point, he could be telling me the meaning of life; I ain't hearing shit! Actually, all I can hear is my heartbeat. I don't know this track, and I don't know this car. Yeah, I've trashed it on the street, but like Catholic girls, things change quick when you take off the skirt and hit the track. It's a whole 'nother animal.

As I accelerate over the first crest, I realize I am gripping the steering wheel way too tight. I ease back and breathe. I'm only on my warm-up lap. By Turn Five I realize I would have been better off checking my bank account balance while waiting in the pits. L3 means nothing to me right now. It normally takes me 3-5 laps to really begin to understand a track. I think to myself "If Ken is the Rain Man of learning racetracks, who am I — Sammy Jenkis from Memento?"

Ken is standing next to the starting grid as I prepare to launch, all I can think is "DON'T STALL, STUPID!" The green flag drops, and so does the clutch. The tires squeal and I scream down the straight. I am at the end of the pack, but still in one of the faster run groups. Turn one and two are behind me and turn three I enter wrong, but throttle through. I can feel the STi's tendency to understeer, but my extra-happy trail-braking straightens me out in turn four. I am catching the Neon. I smile. Then as I enter the next turn, I question "Is this Turn Five or a 'five turn'?" I speed up for what I still think is turn six and look beyond the turn to spot my exit. Problem is I can't see the exit, because I am actually at turn seven which is about 120 degrees — and the hardest turn on the track. Even the top guy went off here earlier today, and I follow suit. The grass is still wet and has the friction of a Slip and Slide. I brake, I downshift, I pray, I turn left and right, but I don't slow.

My ego needs a cold compress, but everything else is unscathed, so I head back to the black stuff. The HART Honda Si is coming around and I wait to let him pass. The last thing I wanna do now is fuck up anyone else's time. So I take my next two laps trying to stay out of people's way. On my cool down lap, I nail turn seven. Step the rear out and roll back into pit lane smiling. "You were either gonna win or spin," laughs KB... Thanks, dick!

The drag race event is canceled so we plan to rendezvous with Kevin and his Co-Driver Mark for drinks and dinner in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. We should be there by 9 p.m., which is an ber-early night on this trip. Three hundred and fifty rainy miles later, we feast at Chilis'. Ken and I ramble on about our Gumball adventures and plot a "real" Cannonball Run from NY to LA. After dinner we go to test something I mentioned at dinner—center axis donuts in an STi.

With the center diff locked and the steering wheel cocked left, Ken punches it in the Target parking lot and we spin like a top. Laughing our heads off, we slow down to see Kevin doing the same. I hop out and Ken demonstrated some rally driving; opposite lock drifts, pendulum turns around light poles and just some good ol' tomfoolery that Ken deems "Practice for running in the wet at Road America tomorrow."

More of Scotto's One Lap [Internal]

Having lived in the western United States our entire time on the planet, we forget how actually close things in the eastern half of the country things are. For example, although it was exhausting, we thought nothing of driving from the East Bay to Portland, which is the next major city after Sacramento up I-5. And that's over 700 miles. So when Scotto drops the science that it's 650 miles from Virginia to the next stop on the One Lap of America in Indiana, it gives some sort of geographical pause. Meanwhile, Block, somehow unfazed by the madness, continues with his off-road antics.

Day 4

BZZZZZ. The hotel alarm clock sounds like the low-oil-pressure buzzer on my old '84 Rabbit — and evokes that same desire to smash it into little pieces, then douse it in kerosene and, um, well, you get the point. I need a Red Bull. It's 7:12 a.m. and I really want to just sleep in, but VIR is a very technical course and Ken needs to learn the track. He has the ability to memorize 'em very quickly; it's sorta Rain-Man-creepy. I guess just being allowed to see the track before you run it is a privilege unknown to a rally driver. Which is a good thing, 'cause we don't get a chance to walk the course and Ken is going in blind.

The starting grid for the day's first event on the South Course looks like a Super Street shoot-out. Aside from our Subie, Top Speed's STi, AMS's Evo and a Crawford-built STi — that owner Kevin admits was purchased after seeing the Gumball STis — are all waiting for the wave of the green flag. The time trials use a standing start format. "I would never stall a start," Ken assured me earlier that day. He revs while waiting to launch and makes me a believer, as all four wheels chirp and spin as he heads up the front straight. VIR goes left, right, up, down, under and over, so my perspective is limited. As usual he seems fast through the turns I can see, but it's evident on the straightaway that the other cars are pulling way harder, not to mention none seem to be pushing in the turns. The truth is, aside from new rims, graphics and the $15,000 WRC Prodrive wing (yes, you could trade it in for a Scion and get change), the STi is running the same set-up from the 2005 Gumball 3000 and had never seen a racetrack before Saturday — let alone actually been tested on one. The chunked front tires prove this. If the STi had a theme song, it would be Salt N Pepa's "Push it."

A 13th-place finish out of 90 cars is welcomed with milk and cookies. Now it's time to kick ass on the North Course. As would be expected, ya boy KB is up to his usual hijinks — hooking, cutting and just generally trying to get as much dirt on his tires as possible. Then, while entering the notorious Rollercoaster section, the STi pushes right off the track. "He never lifted," laughs a spectator who witnessed this in all its glory. "He started to spin and just kept on the throttle...it was fantastic!" Later on, Ken will admit that he was surprised how bad the Michelin Pilots' grip were on the grass. You can't help but smile when he says this with all seriousness. Damn rally guys!

With a three-hour break until the final event — a full-course race; 3.27 miles — we find wireless and play catch-up. My Managing Editor at RIDES Magazine is gonna kill me if I don't get her copy, yet I keep writing these blogs (Yo Ro, Hiddy Ho!). This is the first time all of the drivers have had some downtime at the same time, so the war stories start. Everyone is waxing poetic about how they got out of triple-digit speeding tickets, except for our buddy Gabriele, who got arrested in Louisiana - apparently for not stopping. He claims he was looking for a safe place to pull over; we believe him.
We release another five psi out of the front tires and bump the rear dampening all the way up, with the hopes of calming down the STi's desire to understeer at every turn. C'mon what's a rally driver if he can't get sideways? Not that Ken really wants to go off-track again. I hope.

"Did you hear about the Noble?" asks JD (the rib guy's name) as Ken is pulling forward to the line before a run. "It hit the tire wall by the 'Coaster head-on at 90 mph. The driver is cool though." Yikes, I doubt it will slow Ken down though, unfortunately a motor hesitation does a good job at that and Ken finishes 21st overall and 5th in our class. Of course, a little engine hiccup doesn't stop the boy from covering the track in dirt and putting on a good show.

The next stop is Putnam Park back up in Indiana, and for those who can't point this state out on a map, it's a good 650 miles from VIR. It's time to start hauling, but the wireless sucks us back in like meth to a fiend or cake to a fat kid. We finally get going at 5 p.m. We are the last One Lapper to leave. In desperate need for shut-eye, I let Ken take the first shift. When I wake, I am somehow even more tired and Ken's tales of the great roads I missed while I was sleeping only make me grumpy. My turn to steer—Ken sleeps while I battle fog and rain. Joy!

Related:
Scotto on last year's Gumball [Rides]

More of Scotto's One Lap [Internal]

Brian checks in while on the road and says, "A'ight man... We got 10 hours of driving ahead of us... I am not sure if this is fun anymore." Somehow, if Jawbreaker's "Tour Song" (which Scotto ref'd jokingly yesterday) was part of the broader cultural lexicon, the easy way out of this post would be to just say, "Cue 'Tour Song' and read on." Screwit. Y'all have iTunes. Cue "Tour Song" and read on.

The great Scotsman, Ol' Jackie Stewart, stressed that the fastest way around a track was to be smooth. Ken Block, not being one to trust others' advice, attacks his first lap at Roebling Road with the finesse of a three-legged dog. At each turn he drops at least two wheels into the dirt, leaving clouds of dust in his wake. Fast or not, it's surly one of the more gnarly things to watch (on the flipside the Honda Race Odysseys are great for a giggle). Rounding his last lap, the track marshal shakes his head and smiles as Ken hooks another corner. Hooking is when you sell your body...er, I mean when you drop two tires off the tarmac and use the edge of the road to keep the car tucked into a turn under full throttle. Not sure if Bondurant Road Race school teaches this rally move. Guess you can't take the rally out of this driver.

After 4 minutes, 21 seconds and some tenths of unorthodox driving styles, Ken finishes 17th overall. Nothing to call Mamma Block about, but still quite good considering this is the first race Ken actually finishes. Plus the STi is running like shit, and our competition is fierce. First, second and third are taken by an Ultima GTR, a fire-breathing twin-turbo Viper and a twin-turbo Porsche 996 that's also far from slow.

Aside from massive amounts of understeer, the engine management is set up for the other motor and everything is running out of whack. My butt dyno says we are barely spinning 340hp. During the break, we head out to get a new program that should straighten everything out. It doesn't; seems the mass air flow sensor is bad. Oh well.

I am not quite sure what Roebling Road ever did to Ken, but he sure is thrashing each corner with a violent nature unknown to road racing on his second run. I am almost sure there is a group of fat and bald One Lappers in the pits saying "Those damn rally guys." The car is running better and he is certainly running faster, but somehow Ken incurred one or two time penalties. We were not told exactly what, but I have narrowed it down to three possibilities; 1. Driving on the grass, a lot, 2. Having bright blue rims, or 3. Showing up late and out of our run group while wearing sneakers that match the Subaru Rally paint scheme. Whatever the reason, the slow time is a little demoralizing. But it gets worse: our next stop is a banked oval...Ken looks thrilled. NOT!

Our transit to Florence Motor Speedway is 200 miles, and aside from finding wireless internet outside of a Shoney's restaurant, there's nothing cool to report. The oval is under lights, Ken is wearing a BORING T-shirt (a mock of the NASCAR logo) and the first vehicle to do the deed is a Jeep SRT8 with a sprint-car wing mounted to the roof. Awesome! No really, it was kinda cool.

Ken skips on preparing rally notes for this course. He thinks he can remember "100 L4 100 L4, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat..." Now, I could go on to give you the exciting play-by-play of this minute-and-six-second race, but instead I would recommend three Excedrin PMs and four shots of Jack—guaranteed the same effect. G'nite! We got 200 miles to drive.

P.S. Clint Fast, You rock buddy, I owe you a Long Trail Ale!!!

More Scotto Jammin' on the One Lap [Internal]

Yesterday, Scotto regaled us with the tale of Ken Block's car crapping out, no doubt leading Block to lament in a Rollins-esque tone, "Hey wait a minute! My Subie doesn't work!" To which Scotto undoubtedly replied, "It's broken!" But in true never-say-die-die-my-darling fashion, the boys from Vermont SportsCar showed up with a new mill, wrenched all night and got the boys back on the road to Georgia, where according to the man they call "Brinskan" via BlackBerry, "Ken just raced and finished his first event, he looked quick but have not seen a ranking yet." The story behind the breakage after the jump.

It's Sunday. We're broken down in the top of Massachusetts Illinois looking for a hotel room. The show race is off. Shit's pretty heavy.
-Jawbreaker "Tour Song" intro

The safety crew hooks a long yellow tow strap to the STi's front stress-bar mount and tows it off-track and back to the paddock. A few remaining spectators welcome Ken with racer sympathy. "Dude, I know this track, and I will tell you, you were one of the only to nail that first set of turns right," says Dylan Petersen, a track local. "It's a shame you didn't get to finish." Ken looks defeated. Though a compliment, it's like being told that you could have had knocked the dust off your high school prom queen if only you had just asked.

The STi is starting back up, but doesn't seem to wanna build any boost. Our first guess is the new mapping for the ECU has gone nutty since no leaks can be found in the piping. Checking this, I burn my thumb on the hot side of a GT32. Twisting the clich and literally adding injury to insult. Dylan, aside from being a track local, happens to run DS1 Motorports, a Subaru tuning shop 30 minutes away. If this was a Disney film, he would have a glowing light surround him. Suspecting fouled plugs, our guardian angel heads to his shop to grab some NGK Iridium IXs and tools since obviously VT SportsCar didn't trust Ken or I with anything more complicated than the equipment needed to hang a painting. Actually when I asked Clint, the team manager; "What about tools?" he shot me an ever-so-friendly Vermont look that said "Please, don't touch my fucking car...Thanks!" C'mon, I can wield a spanner just as well as a pen. Anyway, while waiting for Dylan, we make friends with the only person left at the track. The dude's name escapes me, but the tasty ribs he feeds us will have the mouth watering for days.

Foul ball... Er, I mean fouled plugs? Nope. Worse yet, bits of aluminum are found. Verifying our fears, Dylan pulls the dipstick and it glistens like glitter. Okay, for anyone whose knowledge of motors stops with where to put the oil, this is bad, it's the automotive equivalent of shitting or pissing blood. To compound the situation, the motor is knocking...also very bad. But what can be expected from an engine flogged on the 2005 Gumball 3000 Rally?

Ken walks away for the conversation he is about to have with VT Sportscar owner Lance Smith. Dylan and I huddle trying to scheme how we can have a new motor in the bay by morning. Ken returns and suggests we sleep on it, but he is afraid we may be out of the race. We go to find a hotel and I suggest we press on regardless. It doesn't take much for Ken to agree and we devise a plan.

By the time I rise from much-needed slumber on Sunday morning, VT SportsCar has already found an engine donor—the black camo Gumball STi. The motor is on its way here, along with two mechanics. We have about 18 hours to do nothing. We both stay glued to our PowerBooks, desperately trying to get an entire week's work done in a day. I fail miserably. Dylan, on the other hand, pulls the motor out of the STi and preps the car for a heart transplant. During the process he finds pieces of a rod bearing in the oil pan. Awesome!

At 7 a.m. we are woken up with good news, the guys showed up early and the car is running; we should be good to head out in an hour. We have to be in Savannah, GA tomorrow morning. That's 1000 miles away, and except for a 100 mile stretch between Tennessee and North Carolina that I was lucky enough to pilot , they are all straight and boring.

Two hours before midnight—our expected ETA at the hotel, a South Carolina Trooper bags Ken doing 102 in a 60. We get off we a reduced summons using the "Yeah, so we are doing this Charity race..."

Related:
More of Scotto's One Lap action [Internal]

So Scotto finally gets down to brass tacks and sends in his first track report from the Cannonball Baker One Lap of America, and it's a lengthy-ass doozy that ends up with Block blowing the STi's motor the first day out. Oopsers. According to our extremely tall friend, the car is fixed and they're ready to hit it. Exploding Subies are so better than donks, Brian. Click on for the continuing story of Block and Scotto's play with madness.

Okay, now bear with me. It's a circle with sprinklers, and the point is to drive around it as fast as you can. No, it's not the anti-ambidextrous sport of NASCAR, but the skidpad event at the Cannonball Baker One Lap of America race, and Ken Block has just pulled 0.839gs, securing third in the mid-priced sedan class and 10th overall. We deem it as a good start and get psyched for the next event, but before we embark on this 4000-mile journey, I have to explain who "we" are and why we are here.

I'm a journalist; an editor at RIDES Magazine (yes, there is more to my thing than bling, shit, I will even race a ring). I am also 6'8", which is useless information but comic scenery. Well enough about me, let's talk about who I am co-driving with — Ken Block. For those who don't follow rallying, he was the 2005 Rally America rookie of the year, and is currently leading in points in the series, where he drives for the Subaru Rally USA team. Apparently, the guy knows how to use the round thing that protrudes from the dash, but at the same time has no real experience driving on a paved track, so this should be interesting. Oh, and if you missed all the DC logos on the STi we are campaigning, he also co-founded DC Shoes.

Ken and I met exactly a year ago in London. He was participating in the Gumball 3000, and I was embedded in the back seat of the same STi we are driving now (graphics and front clip have changed). Somewhere during my seemingly endless chatter, I mentioned One Lap. To fast forward through all the logistics, scheming and plotting; we eventually made it here to South Bend, Indiana, but don't get comfortable, homie—we gotta drive to just outside Chi-town for the second event of the day.

The drive to Autobahn Country Club is boring at best, until we get lost, then it is still boring, just minus any sense of direction. The transit is only 100 miles, so we arrive at the track with hours to spare. We grab food and return to walk the track...an activity we joked about yesterday. You see, we came out to have fun—no pressure. Then Ken went and pulled a 10th overall on the skidpad without trying in a car that is not tuned much more than your average street STi. After hiking the 2.1 miles of the South course, Ken starts jotting rally notes; "600 !! R2- into L4+" This seems to alarm some nearby drivers.

Just before Ken's group takes to the track, I position myself at turn four, which provides a vantage point to see 90 percent of the course. The format for the track events is one warm-up, then a standing start with three hot laps for a cumulative time and a final cool-down lap. Ken comes around the first three turns like there's no cold water in his pipes. He barrels down the straightaway and storms turn four, leaving a rooster tail of dirt behind as he drops two wheels off. "Is he gonna hit that guy?" asks a track marshal who is afraid he may catch the cool down cars who are half a track ahead of him. I laugh and assure him "While Ken may be fast, no one is that fast."
I can't see him start, but I can hear that distinct boxer motor rumble and within a blink he's bombing the straight on his first hot lap. I fire off frame after frame. Ken is aggressive, and while he later admits he was only driving at 7/10ths, his seven is most guys' nine.

Spinning around, I set up to catch him coming into turn 11 after the track's longest straight. He makes quick of the section and blasts on for lap two. The car behind him is falling very far behind. Ken soars out of turn three and heads down the straight, but something is wrong, he is not barreling or bombing. The headlights flicker on and off as the STi appears to be coasting into turn four where Ken pulls off onto the inside grass and stops. Vrooom, the cars starts back up and he pulls out before the car behind gets ahead. Then POP POP POP...the STi disappears from my view. "The white car is off to the side and there is fire coming out of his thingy," a female voice says over the track marshal's walkie talkie. Fuck!

Related:
More Scotto's One Lap [Internal]

The One Lap of America Ken Block/Brian Scotto STi met up with its drivers today for the first time in South Bend, Indiana. Interestingly, neither of them had actually seen the car. Vermont SportsCar put it together, Block designed the graphics on his Mac and sent 'em off, and tomorrow the kids set off on their grand adventure, during which Scotto assures us mad Descendents will be played. And, y'know, the Descendents' first gig was here in Pedro, so we can totally get behind that. Remember boys, foot in gutter, fist in gold and all that.

More One Lappage [Internal]

The wheels of his Mustang STi exploding on the highway like a slug from a .45

True death: 400 horsepower of maximum performance piercing the night

This is black white sunshine

-Iggy Pop

And here 'tis, in all its glory. The max-po, 400-horse Impreza that Ken Block and Scotto will hoon around the country in an attempt to take all comers in the Cannonball Baker One Lap of America. Best of luck, kids. We wish we could offer you a coke-'n'-hookers expense account, but we think only Denton and Lock have those. Benefits! The underling Gawkers demand additional benefits!

Related:
More Block/Scotto One Lap [Internal]

Ken Block — DC Shoes co-founder and Travis Pastrana teammate — is taking on Brock Yates' hoary and hairy One Lap of America with our pal Brian Scotto of Rides. Their steed for the duration? A 400-horse STi prepped by Vermont SportsCar, featuring trick STi bits. Bonus? El Scotto will be kicking down daily updates from the road throughout the event, starting tomorrow. We get the feeling that given the significance of the start date, there will be mad tequila action, and we're not talking Paul Reubens-style, either. Or maybe we are — one never really knows with Scotto.

Related:
Travis Pastrana Chalks Up First Rally Win [Internal]