Jalopnik: Dieter Zetsche

Mercedes-Benz A-Class And B-Class Could Be Bound For America, According To Dr. Z

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:40:00 EDT

A new Mercedes compact could be in your future, according to mustache aficionado, part-time bartender and Daimler Chief Dieter Zetsche. Despite previous reports that the A-Class was too expensive and the US dollar too weak, the sudden shift in American tastes has made the Mercedes A-Class not so much of a reach. Dr. Z also indicated the rumor about a US-spec B-Class being secretly designed for North America isn't so far-fetched either.

Jalopnik Snap Judgment: Since the other major Mercedes-Benz profitability exercise in the US is to merely raise the price of current models and sell fewer cars, we welcome the idea of a larger market offering. All that being said, we wonder if the A-Class might not cannibalize Smart ForTwo sales, and whether the market exists for really expensive little cars.

[Source: AutoWeek]

Detroit Auto Show: Dr. Z Pours Us A Pint Of Bass, We Warm Up To Ze Germans

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:15:00 EST

Daimler head Dr. Dieter "Tobias Funke" Zetsche, or Dr. Z as he's more affectionately known to us, was once again serving up beers at this year's Firehouse aftershow party (we were nervous that, after Daimler dropping down to only a partial owner he'd not come back). Though he only served up a few pints, we were quick to get in line and have him serve up a tasty brew for us. As any cowboy knows, a long day on the trail works up a mighty thirst. The same goes for the press. This is doubly true when hundreds of longhorn cattle show up at the Detroit Auto Show. Enjoy the photos of Ze Zetsche grabbing us Ze Bass.

The Zetsche Does Not Need Your Puny American Auto Company

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:15:00 EST

Daimler~~Chrysler~~ Chief Deiter "Tobias" Zetsche says everything is great since they dumped Chrysler. Seriously. They feel great, look great and are seeing new people. They'd have totally made a profit last quarter, but they needed time to get over the breakup (and related charges). Things are looking up for old Daimler so don't count him out. He's going to focus on the basic things, like Mercedes Benz. And he's trying new things, like fuel cells. Seriously, couldn't be better. Thanks for asking. [AP]

Dieter Zetsche e-mails his goodbye to Chrysler. ...

Ray Wert — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:15:00 EDT

Dieter Zetsche e-mails his goodbye to Chrysler. Parting is such sweet sorrow — or as one Freep commenter writes: "Later Stache." [Freep]

Chrysler Sale Cost DaimlerChrysler $673 Million?

Ray Wert — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:00:00 EDT

I know DaimlerChrysler's claimed they sold the 'merican half of the business for $7.4 billion, but according to the Wall Street Journal as well as Brian O'Connor at the Detroit News, the sale price was significantly lower than that according to Cerberus CEO Lenny Tessler. He claims:

"In essence, they paid us to take the company...I'm not talking out of school."

But according to the Journal's stat folks, a look at the deal has Cerberus shoving most of its money right into Chrysler. Daimler's check is only $1.3 billion — plus it's going to loan Chrysler money and eat up some of the current losses. The bottom line is Daimler actually pays out $673 million in the "sale." Although Daimler~~Chrysler~~'s Herr Doktor is denying he's paying Cerberus to take Chrysler, he's also not saying...

...he's making any money off the sale:

"Cerberus invested $7.4 billion into this transaction, which obviously is not any form of being paid..."

Key word there folks is "invested" not "paid" — just saying. – Ray Wert

Chrysler sale cost DCX $673M [Detroit News]

[Photo: Thomas Niedermueller / Getty Images News]

Corporate Unmerger of E-mails: Dieter Style

bwojdyla — Mon, 14 May 2007 09:42:30 EDT

Hot on the heels of the announcement that the merger of equals will become a partial-ownership-but-mostly-sale-of-no-longer-equals comes an e-mail from Grand Master Mustache Dieter Zetsche to his beloved employees. Something about "toughest thing I've done in my professional career" and "Chrysler will be more agile and flexible"... and then my eyes glazed over. No word on how Cerberus will make Chrysler more flexible, but like I said, I didn't read it too close. It could have said everybody gets a free puppy and ice cream and I would have missed it. Full mailer after the jump... – Ben Wojdyla

May 14, 2007
Dear Colleagues,

This morning, we announced Cerberus will take an 80.1% equity position in Chrysler and its related financial services business, with Daimler retaining the remaining 19.9%. Following a relatively short but very carefully prepared and thorough review of options, we're confident that we've found the best solution for Chrysler and for Daimler. We are now working hard to formally conclude our agreement as quickly as possible.

Endorsing this decision is the toughest thing I've done in my professional career. Like so many of you, I have made a personal investment in and commitment to both Chrysler and Daimler. And this is exactly the reason that we explored all options to find the best solution for Chrysler's long-term future.

That said, I firmly believe this is an exciting day for Chrysler. It's a new beginning. Backed by a strong partner in Cerberus, Chrysler, as a privately held company, has the best opportunity for success and to realize its full potential.

Chrysler will be more agile and flexible. You'll also be better-positioned to seek out the automotive partners that best fit your needs. You can more sharply focus on the continued implementation of the Recovery and Transformation Plan, the first results of which we can already see.

Daimler and Chrysler will continue to work together, now as business partners, on key joint programs including procurement, powertrain development, logistics and financial services. Through a Joint Automotive Council, we'll coordinate and evaluate current and future programs that can help drive our mutual success.

You should all be proud of what you've accomplished in recent years at Chrysler. You've made significant gains in productivity, quality and cost reduction; launched a record number of new products; and fought it out in the toughest market in the world. You've built the strongest of the North American-based auto companies. I'm personally very proud to have been a part of that.

I know the road ahead won't always be easy. It never is. But I'm confident that Chrysler will come back strong as it has done so many times in its long history. And I look forward to working with Chrysler, our new business partner under Tom's able leadership, in the years ahead.

I wish you all every success.

Sincerely,

Dieter

Speculation No More! Chrysler Group Sold To Cerberus Capital Management!

New York Auto Show: Dude, The Chrysler Group Is Totally Going To Sue VW In Germany!

Ray Wert — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 16:30:39 EDT

We spotted this interactive unit in the Volkswagen display. What is this — Ask Dr. K? Ask Dr. VW? Talk about rubbing it in the Chrysler Group's face. We love it when automakers kick each other when they're down. – Ray Wert

Even More Chrysler Group Sales Speculation: Jedi Council Edition

Ray Wert — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 10:45:00 EST

YODA : Your thoughts dwell on your potential to be a takeover target.
DIETER : I'd miss my job.
YODA : Afraid to lose it ... I think.
DIETER : (a little angry) What's that got to do with anything?
YODA: Everything. Fear is the path to the dark side ... fear leads to anger ... anger leads to hate ... hate, leads to suffering.
DIETER: (angrily) I am not afraid!
YODA: A automaker CEO must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. I sense much fear in you.
DIETER: (quietly) I am not afraid.
YODA : Then continue with the sales presentations, we will.

– Ray Wert

Zetsche feared takeover without sale of Chrysler [Detroit News]

The Official Car Pundit Drinking Game: Crying "Chrysler's For Sale" From The Rooftops!

Ray Wert — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 13:03:03 EST

Well, it looks as though our associate editor from Detroit's going to have to put his money where his always-on mouth is and explain his whole "Chrysler not really for sale but really could be" ~~silliness~~ idea on CNBC tonight. That's right, 'merica's business channel wants him to take a stab at Dr. Z.'s big idea at 7:17 PM EST in front of Melissa Francis or you know, whoever may be hosting On The Money this erev shabbos. So while he's getting powdered and lavaliered up, let's get to the real work — dusting off those shot glasses and coming up with some new rules. If all of this is confusing to you in any way, feel free to take a look back at what's transpired in the oldest established permanent floating drinking game for car pundits.

All Your Automakers Are Belong To GM: General Motors Looking At Acquiring Chrysler Group?

Ray Wert — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 11:57:21 EST

Photo By: Bill Pugliano / Getty Images News

According to yet another odd-sounding German magazine, manager-magazin.de the General's CEO "Slick" Rick Wagoner has been in talks with Dr. Z to acquire the 'merican side of the German-American hybrid. We can't read much German, so unfortunately the best we can come up with is the Babelfish translation which reads like engrish from a 90's video game:

"DaimlerChrysler boss Dieter Zet leads at present with Rick Wagoner, the chief executive of general of engine, discussions across a sales of the Chrysler Group. The negotiations are however still after information from manager magazine in an early stage."

But yeah, we're totally with you on the direction this piece's going. Don't be afraid Bill Ford and Tom LaSorda, we know Rick's bigger than you, but rest easy — it'll only hurt for a moment. – Ray Wert

Zetsche verhandelt mit General Motors [manager-magazin.de]

UPDATE: GM says "no comment" — but unlike other times, there's no denial coming out of the Ren Cen. Interesting.

UPDATE #2: Wert will be on CNBC's On The Money tonight talking about Chrysler between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM EST.

DaimlerChrysler Open To Any Option Involving Chrysler Group, Including Sale

Ray Wert — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 10:47:03 EST

Dieter's just spoken, and he's stated very ~~unclearly~~ clearly on the speculation of whether the German-American hybrid's willing to look at selling off the Chrysler Group:

"our thinking does not exclude any options and that means all options are on the table."

Thanks for clearing that up Dieter, get ready for the story from the hyperactive Detroit auto media to be "DaimlerChrysler Looks To Sell Chrysler Group." Gotta sell them ~~papers~~ ~~magazines~~ ~~online subscriptions~~ blog posts! Although, we look on the bright side, at least at this time he's being purposely unclear and this time we're not ruling out the potential for a story here. – Ray Wert

Breaking! Chrysler Group To Cut 13,000 Workers And Return To Profitability By Investing In...Engines?

Ray Wert — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 09:05:12 EST

Now we understand why Dr. Z won't be talking about the Chrysler Group. The main man in the big office in Stuttgart is letting his main man in Auburn Hills, MI give the bold and bad news and put his ass on the line. Like when he's giving the news today that instead of 11,000 job cuts, the 'merican side of the German-American hybrid's trying to beat expectations on the street and cut 13,000 jobs, which amounts to approximately a 16% cut. hourly employment will be reduced by 11,000 over three years, with 9,000 in the US and 2,000 in Canada. On the salaried side, Chrysler will be reducing employment by 2,000 over the next two years, with 1,000 each in 2007 and 2008. Nothing like the tease before the real release, eh? That's the big news on the jobs numbers, but what about where they'll be coming from? Well, since...

...they're looking at reducing total production capacity by 400,000 units per year, this year they'll be eliminating a shift at the Newark (Delaware) Assembly Plant and the Warren (Michigan) Truck Plant. In 2008, they'll eliminate a shift at the St. Louis (Missouri) South Assembly Plant. In 2009, they'll idle the Newark Assembly Plant and they'll idle the Cleveland (Ohio) Parts Distribution Center in December 2007.

That's a great way to get production in line with sales, but how about making sure what's being produced will be what people will want for the future? To do that, the Chrysler Group says they'll be investing over $3 billion in new engines, transmissions and axles, in order to "move toward a portfolio that is more fuel efficient." That'll include a common axle program for all vehicles, plus work on a new transmission technology including a signed non-binding memorandum of understanding with Getrag in Germany to develop more fuel efficient "dual clutch" tranny tech. We'd prefer to see less craptastic plastic on the interiors, but whatevs, this is one way to do things. More to come soon as it happens. – Ray Wert

Breaking! DaimlerChrysler Makes $7.3 Billion In 2006, Chrysler Group Posts Loss Of $1.5 Billion, Up To $1.3 Billion In 2007 On Restructuring

Ray Wert — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 08:23:16 EST

Photo Credit: Bill Pugliano / Getty Images News

Happy Valentine's Day to DaimlerChrysler investors, as the globe-spanning alliance announced just moments ago they saw an operating profit of almost $7.3 billion during 2006, the Mercedes Group leading the way with an operating profit of almost $3.2 billion. Gains were also seen by the Truck side and money side of the big German-American hybrid. In fact, pretty much every team saw a big pop in those operatin' profits. Every group except one — Chrysler Group. Yay, America! The folks in Auburn Hills saw an operating loss of almost $1.5 billion, off from the operating profit of just over $2 billion in 2005. That's a hell of a big swing from year prior and it's got us wondering what the hell's going on at the 'merican side of the cross-Atlantic merger of not-so-equals. Apparently, the same question's being asked atop Chrysler's tower o' power here in Auburn Hills and atop a similar tower in Stuttgart, Germany. That's why today we'll be hearing from the big boss from Deutschland, Dieter Zetsche. Dr. Z's expected to explain away the Chrysler Group's problems as being mainly due to a changed market environment. However, after looking through the copy of his powerpoint presentation, I've realized Dieter's totally not going to be addressing the problem. Instead...

...he's relying on DCX's big bucks bad boy Bodo Uebber to spread some of the bad news. Somewhere in his powerpoint presentation (page 18, to be precise), he's clear there should be an expectation the Chrysler Group'll be spending up to $1.3 billion on "restructuring charges" but the loss in 2007 will be below the levels seen this past year. That means the Chrysler Group's going to be making deep enough cuts and selling enough products to eat that $1.3 billion and still come out better than last year. That's no small hill to climb. – Ray Wert

One Down: Wolfgang Exits Stage Left At VW, Will Chrysler Group's LaSorda Be Next?

Ray Wert — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 11:35:18 EST

Reports are coming in Wolfgang Bernhard was just told he's no longer allowed to be representin' Deutschland and Ferdinand "Fergie" Piech has moved his buddy Winterkorn into the vacated spot. Bernhard, the main man for the VDub brand, and former DaimlerChrysler exec, is leaving Volkswagen at the end of this month, although we've yet to hear whether it was on his own terms or if the Supervisory Group's doing the canning. That distinction could be significant in coming months if Bernhard looks to join his good buddy Dr. Dieter Zetsche for another stint at the German-American hybrid. But since the rumors are he'd be taking over on the 'merican side of the cross-continental merger of equals, we of course have to wonder what's up with current Chrysler Group CEO Tom LaSorda (pictured to the left, and with much more of a deer-in-the-headlights-stare, of Bernhard). Despite the man-love LaSorda received this week from the good Doctor at the Detroit show, he's still in the hot seat over his retention of production schedules seemingly not in touch with reality. I mean, maybe his reality — but when you're stuffing Jeeps into trains parked outside a Best Western in Allen Park — that's not so much good. The key issue here's going to be whether or not the two-year post-VDub non-compete's going to still be in play for Bernhard. What we do know is he'll be available just in time for the next DaimlerChrysler board meeting, scheduled to take place on Valentine's Day. We know we'll be keeping a close eye on this one, as well as making sure to check and see if Dr. Z. is getting any of those little candy hearts printed up saying "Will you be my new executive?" – Ray Wert

Bernhard Leaving VW, Company Says [TheCarConnection.com]
Piech firmly in control at VW (sub. req.)[Automotive News]

Bump N' Grind: Dieter And Tom Get The Man-Love On

Ray Wert — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 13:08:12 EST

While our main man from the West-side of the US of A brought you the product love from Mercedes, I'm here on this side of the 8 Mile line to get all obsessed with the industry insider stuff. So of course I was all over the man-love going on at the reveal for the more Bruce side of the German-American hybrid. Because given the sales banking of excess production going on over in Auburn Hills (and Detroit Metro Airport, the State Fairgrounds, lots and of course — empty trains behind the Best Western in Allen Park) any public love being shown to Chrysler Group CEO Tom LaSorda by the boss man, Dr. Z, is probably sorely appreciated. That's why the following little hug n' bump with DaimlerChrysler boss-man Dieter Zetsche must have felt so good to Windsor's favorite son. Heckuva job there, Tommy. – Ray Wert

Bluetec, 4Matic, Ocean Drive and Emmitt Smith: Mercedes-Benz Detroit Press Intro

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 12:45:00 EST

See! Zetsche on Ice! Before he sauntered across the street to slake the thirst of a teeming mass of boozehound autojournos and sycophants at the Firehouse, Dr. Zed took to the ice rink after a rather inexplicable intro involving a man on a sled pulled by some ripe-smelling dogs. What followed was an orgy of winter sport including ice dancing, hockey and other whatsits while 4Matic-equipped Benzos cruised the frozen H20 on Bridgestone Blizzak tires.

After the celebration of Merc's 100 years of 4WD, Herr Doktor Thomas Weber took the stage to explain the joys of Bluetec, referring to the company's new eight-pot clean diesel featuring urea-injection to scrub emissions as a "Wee-8." He did this unintentionally. We giggled ourselves silly.

Dieter returned to center ice to introduce the new four-door droptop Ocean Drive concept, which reminded us a bit of a cross between an S-Class/Roller/Audi/Chrysler Imperial Concept. We're not necessarily sure that Mercedes pulled it off with this one, unless, of course, vaguely ungainly is the new stately. But hey, Emmitt Smith showed up, so that's something, we guess. – Davey G. Johnson

It's Expected, He's Gone: Bernhard No Longer to Represent Vee Dub

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 18:15:00 EST

Shock of shocks! After being passed over for the HMIC/Lord of All He Surveys at Volkswagen in favor of Herr Doktor Martin "Your vife, my vife" Winterkorn, it looks more and more like Wolfgang Bernhard will be bailing on the boys from Wolfsburg, making him a prime candidate to replace Tom LaSorda at Chrysler. However, there is the little issue of the two-year noncompete clause in Bernhard's contract. Does this mean that one of the brightest minds in autoexecudom will be sidelined while Pi ch continues to assert his capricious will via VW's supervisory board and Auburn Hills proves that it seemingly has no idea what it's doing without the firm hand of a German at the helm? Dr. Z, Wendelin, do something! – Davey G. Johnson

Volkswagen's Bernhard Is Poised To Leave Over Planned Shake-Up [Wall Street Journal (sub. req.)]

Not-So-Happy Valentine's Day! Is February 14th An Important Date For Chrysler Group CEO Tom LaSorda?

Ray Wert — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 12:56:26 EST

Chris Vander Doelen of the Windsor Star, the main newspaper of the Canuckian hamlet on the other side of the river from Detroit, claims he's got himself a source telling him when the get 'er done date for a Chrysler Group turnaround by Windsor's hometown hero, Tom LaSorda, needs to be under way. The CEO if the 'merican side of the German-American alliance, was born and raised in Windsor, and if Vander Doelen's source is correct,

"he's got until Feb. 14 — that's when the board meets in Detroit..."

Hmm, that'd be a helluva crappy V-day gift from the DaimlerChrylser exec board, wouldn't it? I kind of hope they'll at least bring him chocolates and flowers if he ends up getting canned — and maybe a nice card. Hey, Dr. Z — if the board decides to fire Tom, please feel free to use the card from above if you can't find anything nice at Hallmark. – Ray Wert

LaSorda under gun to fix Chrysler woes [Windsor Star]

Joltin' Joe Eberhardt Jumps Ship: Chrysler Marketing Man Moved To Mercedes

Ray Wert — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:40:37 EST

Joltin' Joe Eberhardt has left the building folks. Seriously — he's no longer at the Tech Center in Auburn Hills. The main marketing and sales man for the 'merican side of the German-American hybrid, according to a statement released today by the company:

"will be leaving the company in order to return to automotive retailing within the Mercedes-Benz network in the United States. The Senior Vice Presidents and Vice Presidents of Sales, Marketing, International and Service will report directly to LaSorda until further notice."

Although we're not saying we had anything to do with this obviously not-by-his own-choice move (because you know, who really goes "down and to the left" and leaves at the close of business of their own accord?) — because then you would be ignoring the part about how Eberhardt had a total performance-suck since taking over the job. But then again, if he hadn't blown total goat, we'd have had no reason to make fun of him — well, except for the weird accent. Full press release after the jump. – Ray Wert

Chrysler Group's Eberhardt to Return to Automotive Retailing
Auburn Hills, Mich., Dec 5, 2006 -

Chrysler Group President and Chief Executive Officer Tom LaSorda today announced that Joe Eberhardt, Executive Vice President-Global Sales, Marketing and Service, will be leaving the company in order to return to automotive retailing within the Mercedes-Benz network in the United States. The Senior Vice Presidents and Vice Presidents of Sales, Marketing, International and Service will report directly to LaSorda until further notice.

"Joe brought a much-needed discipline to our sales, marketing and service organizations when he arrived in the summer of 2003," said LaSorda. "Being back in the retail world is something he has talked about for some time now, and having a proven track record in that arena, makes it a natural."

Eberhardt joined Mercedes-Benz in Germany in 1982 as a student in a work-study program. In the early 1990s, he left the corporate environment and became General Manager of Mercedes-Benz Manhattan, turning it into one of the most successful dealerships in the country.

He returned to Mercedes-Benz in 1995 and, in 1999, was named President and CEO of DaimlerChrysler UK Ltd., where Eberhardt more than doubled sales and improved dealer profitability in a stagnant market.

"Joe's deep understanding of the automotive industry and his proven leadership will continue to serve the Company well as he moves back to the retail side," said Dieter Zetsche, Chairman of the Board of Management DaimlerChrysler/ Head of Mercedes Car Group.
Eberhardt was born in Stuttgart, Germany, on August 26, 1963. He received his BA and MS degrees in Germany, and earned his Masters of Business Administration degree at New York University's Leonard N. Stern School of Business in 1992.

Related:
Chrysler Group's Marketing Man Makes You Wonder: "Hey Joe, Is It Time To Go?"; All of our Joe Eberhardt coverage [internal]

Autoexremist, er, Autoexcremist, er Autoextremist: Hey, Ho, Eberhardt Must Go!

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 14:00:00 EST

The Peet that's Sweet and Fun to Eat has chimed in on the "Joe Eberhardt is a pox on Chrysler...or is he?" debate, and he's most definitely come down on the side of the pox. Peet's plan for Chysler Group's salvation? Bring back Wolfgang now that Herr Doktor "Your vife, my vife" Winterkorn has taken the big chair at VW, make LaSorda COO, shunt Eberhardt back over to Mercedes-Benz and can current COO Eric Ridenour. After that? Fre a bunch of people and stop doing things like the Aspen and the Sebring. – Davey G. Johnson

Desperation in Auburn Hills [Autoextremist]

Chrysler Group's Marketing Man Makes You Wonder: "Hey Joe, Is It Time To Go?"

Ray Wert — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 15:00:00 EST

The recent (and steeply sloping) sales and revenue downturn over at the American side of the German-American hybrid has caused folks to speculate whether the muckety-mucks running the day-to-day show under Chrysler Group CEO Tom "two shakes a day" LaSorda over in the Auburn Hills, MI HQ have been making the wisest of choices. Of LaSorda's executive squad, no washroom key carrying member of the team's being talked about in hushed tones more than Joe Ebehardt, the sired-in-Stuttgart exec veep in charge of Chrysler Group sales, marketing, service and probably some other stuff too. We've heard all manner of stories surrounding the main marketing and sales stud at the Chrysler Group — everything from shouting matches with dealers to botched marketing decisions regarding creative — but recently it's become a crescendo of crap — reaching heights that force even those of us in a permanent half-drunk state to start asking questions like "Hey Joe, what do you know, how come Chrysler's sales can't seem to grow?" Let's take a closer look at what we've heard, plus some of our own analysis, after the jump.

Let's start off with Eberhardt's marketing duties and responsibilities.

First, let's keep in mind I'm a staunch believer that TV commercials and ad campaigns don't sell cars. Sure, they can sell boxes of cereal, but a car's the second most costly purchase a consumer will make — and as such, the best a 30-second TV spot can do is shape the perception of a brand or model among potential buyers. That perception dictates how a consumer will feel about a particular vehicle — and it may even compel them to visit their local dealership. But once there, it's the sales interaction, test-drive experience and the all important "Jalopnik dashboard knock test" (patent pending) that ends up selling the vehicle. (Oh yeah, and if it looks pretty and stuff.) The one exception is when a TV spot promotes a sales incentive. Then, like a public service announcement, it merely provides information on existing products. But branding and sales incentive campaigns are totally separate beasts, and it's never in an automaker's best interest to muddle the message of a brand campaign by attaching a sales incentive campaign to it, right?

Obviously that's not what Joe Eberhardt thought. According to two sources, Eberhardt was the executive who made the decision to slap a zero-percent financing campaign to the ass-end of the now defunct and rightfully lambasted Dr. Z campaign. It's no wonder folks were confused by the commercials. A barely-explained incentive-deal graphic hooked to a vague branding campaign turned a light-hearted attempt to tout the Chrysler Group's "merger of German engineering and American design" into a convoluted and confusing mess of messages. But what makes the decision even more curious was that Eberhardt took the already risky proposition of using a CEO to build brand image, and upped the risk factor by tie-barring his appearance in the ads with Chrysler sales numbers. Eberhardt did the one thing a good soldier's not supposed to do. He left his general open for attack.

But we hear the Dr. Z / zero-financing wasn't the only iffy decision on the marketing side Eberhardt's made — we also hear he made a hardcore push to anoint the New York office of BBDO, and specifically NY creative director David Lubars, as the new creative lead for the Chrysler Group. And from what we hear, that decision's resulted in the strangest commercial we've ever seen — the Dodge Nitro "Planet" ad. (If you haven't yet seen it, here's the 30-second and 60-second versions, spooled up for your pleasure.) If you can figure out its intended message, feel free to let us in on it.

But the questions come not only on the marketing side of Eberhardt's world, but also on the sales side. As the exec veep in charge of selling vehicles, Eberhardt plays a pretty big role in dealer relations — and from what we've heard recently, that should probably be amended to read "Eberhardt plays a pretty big role in straining dealer relations." If you'll remember, right after we were out in Auburn Hills checking out Chrysler Group CEO Tom LaSorda running around with water on his head to raise money for the United Way, there was a sat-call with Chrysler's dealers with a simple message — no Dodge Caliber and fast-selling CUV's until dealers bought up as many of the unsold Dodge Ram pickups and Durango SUV's as they could hold on their lots. This was obviously met with some not-so-happy sounds from dealers — despite offers of financing deals and incentives to help them pay for the inventory Chrysler planned to pile on their lots. But they went along with it.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Eberhardt was meeting with the owners of some of Chrysler's largest dealers — and all of them were livid with Eberhardt over the continued shoving of unsold inventory down their throats. According to sources, when dealers pleaded for continued help on financing and an end to the requirement to buy more '06 model trucks and SUV's, Eberhardt became enraged and began to scream at the dealers — something along the lines of "If you were any good at selling [trucks and SUV's], this wouldn't be a problem for you!" Good for Eberhardt — an exec always willing to share the blame — because obviously the dealers had forgotten how giddy with excitement they'd been a month earlier over the prospects of having to sell a bunch of gas-guzzlin' pickups and SUV's.

I've heard there are some new faces over in Auburn Hills as of late — some people carrying bags that say "Mercedes-Benz" on them. I can't help but wonder if they're there to do what some people have said they're there to do — watch Joe Eberhardt like a hawk. – Ray Wert

Some Merged Equals Are More Equal Than Others: DaimlerChrysler CFO Won't Rule Out Chrysler Sale

Ray Wert — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 12:32:31 EDT

This morning, as I sat at my laptop in my boxer briefs listening to the webcast of DaimlerChrysler's quarterly earnings numbers — I heard something that jolted me so hard, I've literally been in a stupor the past two hours. What could have caused such a reaction? Well, it was when DaimlerChrysler CFO Bodo Uebber answered the question of whether the sale or spinoff of Chrysler is a possibilty as such:

"We don't exclude anything here...we will do our analysis. Second, we will talk about measures. And third, we will draw our conclusions."

That's right — no categorical denial, no comments dismissing the claim — nothing. And although we've yet to hear what Dieter has to say — we've got to admit, that type of a refusal to exclude options is quite interesting — especially when you consider the fact Tom LaSorda didn't say anything on the subject of...

...what the automaker's game plan is. But stupor-inducing? Actually, I found myself in a stupor because I was so flabbergasted that Mr. & Mrs. Uebber would ever call their child "Bodo." What — did you think it was because I actually believed that "merger of equals" crap? – Ray Wert

Chrysler group for sale? 'We don't exclude anything,' CFO says (sub. req.) [Automotive News]

DaimlerChrysler CEO Dieter Zetsche Wants Us To Be His Friend, But Can Facebook Give Us Free Mustache Rides?

Ray Wert — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 09:55:00 EDT

We love facebook, and to be honest, we're on it way too much — especially for "kids" that are "our age." But ever since the site went from a college-exclusive site to professional inclusion, we feel less like dirty old men leering at the girls in the new freshmen class, despite using it for just that purpose. Now we can just say we're doing "professional networking" while we oggle the co-eds from Michigan State. So, when we received an e-mail this morning letting us know that the CEO of the German-American hybrid wants to be our friend, we were a bit taken aback. Yes, we realize it's probably not really Dr. Z., but, well, you never can tell — and who are we to turn down a networking opportunity, right? Who knows, he may even have a hot daughter or two. But, as in all things — we're not going to let the main man from Stuttgart with a mustache into our inner-Facebook sanctum without running it by you guys and gals first — hell, we'll even let you decide for us. – Ray Wert

Not Yet Production! Dodge Releases Avenger "Concept" In A Barrage Of Bold

Ray Wert — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 09:15:00 EDT

Yes, we know FoMoCo's got their steely grip on the "Bold Moves" moniker, but Dodge is making a hard press to get "Bold" as a feather in the German-American hybrid's cap. Well, they're trying to anyway...and we've now got some up-close pictures of the new Dodge Avenger "concept car" (and by the way — a message to you folks in Auburn Hills...we know you're gonna make it. Don't play so coy, k?) to compliment the corporate pics we dropped last week. Oh, and we've even got a special treat at the end — a certain non-medical Doctor looking to cure the Chrysler Group of any and all ailments. Receive the photo barrage after the jump.

Chrysler Group's Tom LaSorda: Yes To Structural Cuts, Yes To A Bigger Ad Spend

Ray Wert — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 09:39:38 EDT

So Dr. Z may be out as the official spokesgerman of the German-American hybrid's Chrysler Group, but that don't mean it's the end of advertising this year for the company. Chrysler Group CEO, Tom LaSorda told media folks gathered after a speech yesterday to the Automotive Press Association (talk about into a frying pan) advertising spending "is going up dramatically" in the second part of this year, with Advertising Age predicting the automaker will more than double what it spent in the first half of the year during the remainder of 2006 — and that means Chrysler's second-half budget could be over a billion bucks. Although a good chunk of that change will go to marketing new-model launches, the rest will be looking to continue to market the blend of DaimlerChrysler's American design with German engineering — only on a non-"Dr Z" platform. Oh and while they'll be boosting ad spending, they'll probably be making some structural cuts — how else are they gonna pay for all that tv time?

Chrysler will cut, LaSorda warns [Freep]
Chrysler Plans Major Increase in Second-Half Ad Spending [Advertising Age]

Related:
The Trouble With Dr. Z [internal]

The Trouble With Dr. Z

Davey G. Johnson — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 15:00:00 EDT

AdAge is reporting that despite criticism from the marketing pundits, Chrysler is continuing with its marketing campaign featuring DCX honcho Dieter Zetsche. Here's how we see it. The spots aren't particularly funny. We like Dieter at press intros. A CEO who's willing to have a little fun is all right in our book. The problem is, press introductions are not television advertisements. And while Dieter's funny for a CEO, he's no David Cross. Nor is he Peter Stormare. VW played the quirky German thing so well because they basically went the "Sprockets" route.

Dr. Z, on the other hand, straddles the line between humor and too much information, with Dieter rattling off various technical specifications. A week ago, hanging with our friends Rory, Vinny and Emil, we were sitting around a restaurant table in Venice, speaking in German accents, when suddenly Vinny says, "I hear Porsche is verking on a cure for AIDS." Food came out of Emil's nose. It's the matter-of-fact over-the-top belief in themselves — the sheer arrogance — that makes the German stereotype funny.

With the Dr. Z ads, DCX and BBDO are trying to play it both ways; make Dieter look like an approachable sort, while portraying him as a go-anywhere, do-anything, highly-efficient bermensch while not making him look silly. And it's not quite working. Although we do like the spot where he pulls the rear out of a 300C, over time, it's become more of an amusing throwaway to us than a bit we'll necessarily watch when it pops up. But to quote the other Dieter, "Chrysler, your story has become tiresome." [Thanks to CTE for the tip.]

Chrysler to Continue Employee Discounts and 'Dr. Z' Ads [AdAge]

The Magic of "Step 2" Continues: DaimlerChrysler Releases 2nd Quarter Earnings; Chrysler Down and Mercedes Up

Ray Wert — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 09:21:50 EDT

The magic that is Dr Z and "Step 2" will not, must not and can not be stopped. Unless it's next quarter and you're the Chrysler Group. That's the message coming out of both Stuttgart and Auburn Hills as the German-American hybrid of DaimlerChrysler announces second quarter earnings. But at least for now the numbers look tremendous, with second-quarter earnings of $2.3 billion, more than double what it made in the second quarter last year. The German-based Mercedes Car Group carried the day with a $1 billion operating profit in the second quarter, compared to a $15 million loss in the second quarter of last year. Mercedes continued its Dr. Z-led rebound with higher sales and a fresh n' clean line-up of vehicles. But not everything's peaches n' cream for the automaker led by the man with the mustache so amazing it's top of Google's search engine. The Chrysler Group earned $65 million, down from $695 million during the same quarter year-to-year. On top of that, Chrysler's warning next quarter will be hard and to anticipate an operating loss of close to $600 million. And quick as a flash, the magic of "Step 2" looks to be in danger. Will Dr.Z pull off a miracle? We'll be waiting and hoping.

Deeper, Dr. Z, Deeper! Chrysler Sweetens The Incentives Pot For Employees

Ray Wert — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 09:54:11 EDT

Seems employees of the Auburn Hills end of DaimlerChrysler are feeling a bit miffed they're merely getting the same deal as the rest of the public on the cars they help build. Lucky for them, Dr. Z must have heard their pleas (potentially through the Ask site) and now the German-American hybrid is offering an additional $500 to $1,000 in rebates on select 2006 model Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep vehicles to Chrysler Group employees. The price adjustments mean Chrysler workers will have up to $2,500 in bonus cash on top of their employee discount. Like a shiny little feather in the water, Metro Detroit area dealers are hoping the incentive will lure Chrysler employees into the showroom, allowing them to sink the hook in.

Chrysler deepens employee incentives [Detroit News]

Asking Dr Z: How're Profits At DaimlerChrysler This Quarter?

Ray Wert — Mon, 24 Jul 2006 11:18:30 EDT

Like Chuck Norris, when Dr Z's on the scene, we know he can handle any problem. He gave a roundhouse kick to the Chrysler Group when he was over on these shores, and he's giving one to the Mercedes Group over in Deutschland as we speak. But since he can't be in two places at once, it looks like earnings at the German- American hybrid will only end up flat this past quarter despite an assumed profit in the Mercedes Group. According to analysts polled by AFX News:

adjusted group operating profit would be in the range of 1.931-2.032 bln eur compared with 2.0 bln in the same quarter last year, with sales at 38.56-41.30 bln from 38.42 bln.

Dr Z was asked yesterday about these reports, and although he declined to comment (SEC and Euro guidelines we're sure prevent that sort of thing) we know he's gotta have a gameplan — perhaps a kung-fu grip? Maybe more underpants gnomes? We feel like maybe the Chrysler Group just needs Dr. Z back over here.

OUTLOOK DaimlerChrysler Q2 adj opg flat, Mercedes counters Chrysler slowdown [Euro2day]
Daimler Chrysler CEO Won't Comment On Reports Chrysler To Make Loss [Playfuls.com]

Related:
Dieter Knows Step Two [internal]

Autoextremist: Industry 'Ballistic'

Davey G. Johnson — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:30:00 EDT

Sweet Peet D. pulls out the shotgun and claims that the auto industry, what with its Dr. Z's, proposed Japanese-Franco-American mergers and Oklahoman built, Sino-Anglo MGs (where's Booker T. when you need him?) has gone "ballistic." We don't know about that. 'Ballistic" generally implies some sort of trajectory is involved, no matter how loopy. There's no trajectory here. We prefer the phrase, "grasping at straws." As such, we offer up an anecdote after the jump.

A friend of ours was recently covering an event alongside his pals (two of the truly good guys of the Big Three). When they arrived at the semi truck showcasing the automaker's performance parts, there was a line of SUVs parked in front of it. One of the guys got on the phone and reamed the guy handling the cars, rightfully stating that as a performance-parts display there should be performance cars in front of the trailer. The next day, the SUV guy gets on the phone and reams the car-wrangler because his vehicles are gone. It's petty infighting like this that's destroying Detroit. Stop it, kids. Or pretty soon you won't have any shiny new toys to play with.

The Automotive World Goes Ballistic [Autoextremist]

Dieter Snubbed at German Mercedes Dealership

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 15:00:00 EDT

Back when we worked retail, we were supplied with a photo of our company president in case he happened to walk in. He was not a good president, but he was president nonetheless. In fact, Gawker may be the only company we've ever worked for run by a savvy businessman (Black helicopters overhead or the lure of coke 'n' hookers dangled before us? You decide). Regardless, Auto Motor und Sport reports that Dieter showed up as a secret shopper at a German Mercedes-Benz dealer and was summarily kept waiting by the receptionist for three-quarters of an hour. When the DCX CEO asked to talk to the boss, he was curtly informed that he was busy, without even lifting the phone to check. Kopfs we think, is gonna roll.

Mercedes-Chef Zetsche in geheimer Mission [Auto Motor und Sport via Das AutoWeblog]

Dieter Ain't Afraid Of A Big and Bad General

Ray Wert — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 12:06:42 EDT

DaimlerChrysler's main man — the TV star, interwebs star, commercial star and keeper of all things "Step 2" told reporters today at a Tokyo news conference that he's not in the least bit worried about a General Motors and Renault-Nissan killer combo,

"We are certainly not afraid...[it usually] takes some years to benefit from a merger..."

And we guess it makes sense he'd know — what with him helming the worlds first hybrid American-German automotive company. Now that we've heard Dieter's take — we wonder what Bill Ford has to say. We've yet to hear anything from Dearborn. Maybe he was busy spending time driving America forward over the holiday.

DaimlerChrysler chief: Unafraid of GM tie-up with Renault-Nissan [Detroit News]

Related:
More on GM-Renault-Nissan [internal]

The Detroit News Spots Dieter's Unfurling

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:30:00 EDT

Thanks to alert reader Karen, we know that the Detroit News has already snapped a pic of MC 900-Ft. Dieter; he's pasted across the side of Chrysler's Auburn Hills headquarters, visible from I-75. The new, oversized Herr Doktor Dieter "Overpowered by F nke" Zetsche is on display to mark the launch of the DCX honcho as Chrysler's new corporate spokesgerman. We already know that Sweet Peet doesn't like the campaign, and while we think it's kind of cute, it doesn't bespeak of glorious Dieterosity. What's more, we also think it makes Chrysler Group head Tom LaSorda look insignificant. Since we've had so many posts about Chrysler today, we're just gonna go ahead and declare Maximum Mopar Day on tha Jalop.

Ask Dr. Z [Detroit News]

Ad Watch: JALOPNIK EXCLUSIVE - Dr. Z Is on Call

Mike Spinelli — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 14:35:26 EDT

Not since Lee Iacocca dared TV viewers to find a better-built car than a Chrysler and buy it (they did, it was called a Toyota) has a CEO type stepped in front of a camera to pitch the company's wares. Now, finding itself in a lack-of-image crisis, Chrysler's turning Dieter Zetsche's natural blend of goofy avuncularity and stoic Germanness into what they hope is TV (and sales) gold — in a persona they're calling "Dr. Z." A Web site launch preceeds a spate of new spots that feature Zetsche answering mail from fictional consumers. In the first one, a Jalopnik exclusive ad premiere, Dr. Z takes apart a 300C to demonstrate how its suspension is the product of German (and American) engineering. It's not as outright batshit mad as Volkswagen's "Un-pimp My Ride" spots, but we'd imagine they'll work just as well, if convincing the public that Chryslers are really Mercedes is really a sound branding strategy. [Thanks to Dubspeed Driven for pitching in.]

Dieter Alert! Step 2 Will Not Be Stopped: Reports Of A 900-ft Tall Dieter Looming Over I-75!

Ray Wert — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:07:34 EDT

We're totally not even kidding here. Supposedly for today's press conference there's a 900-ft-tall Dieter Zetsche looming over Auburn Hills and I-75 right now. Since the Detroit one-of-us is up in Traverse City today (damn fruit festival) we can't get out and snap a picture of it, our Detroit office will be giving a prize to the first person snapping a pic of the giant Dr Zetsche over the city and sending it to tips-AT-jalopnik-DOT-com. We dunno what the prize will be, but for this, it'll be epic!

Paging Dr. Zetsche -- Dunno Why, But We Know We Can't Wait To Find Out

Ray Wert — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 23:14:39 EDT

Anyone checking out the Speed channel and watching NASCAR qualifying this evening would have noticed something a bit odd on the hood of Kasey Kahne's car. It's a website — www.AskDrZ.com — and if you hit the link you're sent to a cute little caricature of DaimlerChrysler's main man, and keeper of all things "Step 2" — Dr. Dieter Zetsche. What's it mean? We dunno. Will we find out soon? We dunno. Will he cure our std's with a wave of his magic wand? We hope so. Maybe we'll learn more from tomorrow's presser (word on the street is we'll have the new ads up here by 2:00 PM) — but one thing's for sure — we'll never be able to watch old episodes of "Arrested Development" in the same light again. [hat tip to pete!]

The Doctor will be with you shortly... [AskDrZ]

It's Coming: Zetsche Announces Smart Car Plan for US

Mike Spinelli — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 11:23:37 EDT

DaimlerChrysler CEO Dieter Zetsche once said he wanted to make the ailing Smart brand "as profitable as BMW. Aside from building the ultimate driving machine, part of the plan is to bring it to the US. Zetsche announced today — following years of speculation — that the Smart brand will make its US debut in 2008. As we'd said earlier, the first car will be the next-generation Fortwo currently in development, and will be offered in three models: Small, Smaller and "What's Under That Truck?" Rather than slipping the brand into existing Mercedes dealerships, the company is tapping UnitedAuto Group — a large dealership network — to distribute the Smart. That's pretty smart.

Breaking! Dieter Brings "Step Two" To Daytona; SRT Included In Incentive Program?

Ray Wert — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 08:55:00 EDT

So if you're planning on picking up a Dodge Viper to tool around in this summer — you may want to hold off. Word on the street from no less than two sources is the Chrysler Group will include all models of vehicles — including the Dodge Viper and the entire SRT lineup — in the employee pricing plan. In addition, according to Joe Guy Collier in yesterday's Freep, Dieter Zetsche and Tom LaSorda will be in attendance at the Pepsi 400 on July 1st in Daytona. Although they're not saying what the two high-powered execs will be doing at a high-powered racing event, but our best guess is it's a tie-in of some sort to the "Street and Racing Technology" the SRT folks are all about. Gossip and a best bet? You bet — but that's the way we gotta roll sometimes.

Top DCX execs to attend Pepsi 400 [Freep]

DaimlerChrysler CEO Dieter Zetsche Gets a "Mustache" Ride From Google

Ray Wert — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 13:54:05 EDT

So one of us was actually doing his due dilligence today — checking his spelling, dotting the t's and crossing the i's — when he dropped the word "mustache" into the Google hopper to determine if it required one umlaut or two. Lo and behold, what do we find — our favorite David Cross look-alike, DaimlerChrysler CEO Dieter Zetsche pops up as the middle picture in the top-placed Image results for the upper lip hairpiece. We always knew Dieter had fantastic facial hair — but never did we realize how fantastic it was. But luckily, Google was there — churning bits and bytes of data to answer for us not only the spelling — but also the most exemplary example. The best part? He beat out the following sites for the coveted top-of-the-page status:

• mustache

• World Beard and Moustache Championships

• whymilk.com - Home

• The Glorius Mustache Challenge

Breaking! Mercedes-Benz Offers Voluntary Buyouts To US Staff

Ray Wert — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 12:33:15 EDT

We're hearing the Mercedes-Benz US unit is going the way of the General and offering voluntary buyouts to staff at their Montvale, NJ corporate headquarters. According to the the North Jersey Media Group, no details have been made available to the press or the workers affected — other than it'll be likely offered to those with at least ten years of service with the company. Since this is the second time Montvale's been targeted for employment reductions, we're starting to wonder if there's any truth to that rumored consolidation of Mercedes staff to the Auburn Hills DCX tech center. Our thoughts after the jump.

So, it's well known that Dieter Zetsche is a pretty big fan of both the folks he left over in Auburn Hills to run his beloved Chrysler group. We also know that he wasn't so much a fan of predecessor Jurgen Schrempp's attempts at moving and consolidating staff to Jersey and New York. One of our sources tells us that it would make a helluva lot of fiscal sense to fill up a couple of floors in Auburn Hills with the few hundred or so staff left in Jersey after this round of reductions. Also, with Mercedes and Chrysler looking to increase the sharing of platforms, this seems to make a lot of sense.

We mean — we try to never underestimate the staggering draw of the "Garden State", but come on — it's totally not true, whereas everyone knows that when Michigan says "Great Lakes State" — it's got those big blue wet things around it to back it up.

Mercedes-Benz USA Offers Buyouts To Veteran Employees [eMercedesBenz]

Related:
Choose Your Own Adventure: GM Edition [internal]