Dan Neil Reviews Camaro SS: “Hey, Y’all, Watch This!”

Pulitzer Prize-winning auto hack Dan Neil's take on the 2010 Camaro SS: the 2010 Mustang GT drives and handles better, but the Camaro is faster. Wait, didn't I already say that? [LA Times]

Dan Neil Can Now Talk Dirty All The Time

Dan Neil, the LA Times' Pulitzer-winning car critic, is among staffers at the embattled paper looking forward to heeding the the example of new owner Sam Zell and tossing around the salty language a bit more freely, according to The New York Observer. Here's the salient quotable: "There's a certain lasciviousness descending on the newsroom—I just look forward to using rude words in everyday conversation." Which makes us wonder: If the LAT newsroom needed the car guy to bring back crude inky repartee, perhaps Zell's affection for argot—he effin' loves the effin' eff word—is precisely what the joint needs. Official newsroom bar of soap, now officially retired. Let the filthy verbal hoonage commence! [NYO]

Dan Neil Likes but not in Love with the Mercedes-Benz GL320 CDI

Full disclosure: I often find myself recommending the MB GL450 to my wealthier friends who ask about big SUVs. That overgrown puppy is one hell of a truck, even if you get to watch your average fuel economy decrease while idling (no really, it's true). Elegant, burly, hella capable and epically comfortable, the GL450's only flaws are embarrassingly terrible gas mileage (14 mpg around town going with the wind) and lofty price tag ($70,000 with the chimes and the catcalls). Realizing this, Big Daddy Daimler just unleashed a diesel version of their biggest 'Ute here in America which gets 36% better mileage. They think the price is fine where it is. Dan has mixed feelings:

I started thinking about this on the drive in this morning, when I saw three GLs on the highway, each with one occupant and — as it happened — each occupant weighing approximately 110 pounds. And blond. What is it about Mercedes-Benz and blonds?

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Clarkson on the Dodge Grand Caravan

Some of you may remember Dan Neil's rather glowing review of the new Chrysler Town & Country Limited. You know, the one where he proclaims that a smart, sensible baby haulin' minivan makes him a total DILF. Well, Jeremy Clarkson is having none of it. Clarkson hauls his wife and three daughters to the great city of Ottawa where he rents a Dodge Grand Caravan. We should pause right here and explain that Jezza may very well have borrowed a 2004 Grand Caravan. We doubt he knows the difference. Truth is, we don't really care about Jeremy's take on a minivan. No, we're posting this because of his take on Canada:

But by the same token no one in Canada ever wins on the horses, or escapes from a knife fight with their life, or has an orgasm. It is Switzerland with wheat.

Damn skippy. [Times Online]

Dan Neil Canes the Bentley Continental GT Speed

As some of you may or may not know, Dan Neil is the only human being in the entire history of earth to be awarded the Pulitzer Prize for automotive journalism — ever. Say what? Yeah, it's true. If you need to be reminded why, continue reading:

Some may regard these marginal increases in performance metrics not worth the GT Speed's price premium ($199,990, $24,000 over the GT), but these people have tiny yachts you can't even land a helicopter on.

Also, the above picture is Dan dressed as a mime. Say what? Well, you is gonna have to click on over to Mr. Neil's Rumble Seat column and watch the "disturbingly bizarre" Bentley/mime video for yourself. And even then you won't really get it. Did Dan really crack 180 mph in the 5,180 pound Bentley? According to the man himself, "faster." We're going to go cry ourselves to sleep on our puny little yacht.

What's The Worst Car Of All Time?

OK smarty-pants— you dumped all over Dan Neil for being a communist, liberal elite, ivory tower, Jane Fonda French kissing, Volvo/Saab/Prius driving, latte-sipping, car-hating hippie socialist. Sure, he's dead wrong on the Rambo Lambo, but 49 out of 50 ain't bad. So now it's your turn. Show us what you got. Bonus points will be awarded for beating Dan's Cimarron write up ("Everything that was wrong, venal, lazy and mendacious about GM in the 1980s was crystallized in this flagrant insult to the good name and fine customers of Cadillac") and coming up with a viable worst 10 list. Super bonus points will be showered upon the individual who deems to bang out a 50 worst. My vote? See above. Good luck.

LA Times on Pebble Beach

Pal o' tha Jalop and Pulitzer thief Dan Neil is at Monterey with Joni Gray and blogging the whole big shebang. We've got a Johnson, a Bumbeck and a Kia and the rumble is on, in our own private Hooverville, children. Seriously, though, we loved Dan's Le Mans blog, and we're sure the LAT's coverage from Steinbeck country will be a wonderful kind of askew. Meanwhile, Joni's compiled great a list of things to do in Monterey when you're dead. Or rich. Or broke. We're serious. Cal Trask is up in your steez, stealing your strawberries. Get out here while the Salinas Valley still stands. [LA Times]

Top to Bottom: Dan Neil on the 2008 Chrysler Sebring Convertible

In today's editon of the LA Times, Mr. Neil has channeled some tips for incoming Chrysler grand poobah Robert Nardelli through a review of the latest player in the long line of drop top Chrysler Sebrings. Nardelli's ability to tell the difference between a good car and a bad car might be what saves Chrysler from a world of hurts. According to Neil, the drop top is a bad car.

Not just bad, but a veritable chalice of wretchedness, a rattling, thumping, lolling tragedy of a car, a summary indictment of Chrysler's recent management and its self-eradicating product planning, all cast in plastic worthy of a Chinese water pistol.

We hope Nardelli can tell the difference between a hammer drill and a super soaker. [Top to Bottom via the LA Times]

Dan Neil Live Blogging Le Mans

It's no secret that us Jalopniks heart Dan Neil. Obviously, he's a fantastic writer, a sharp dresser and takes down big prizes. Plus, like, you can't front on "spumy flinders," now can you? But, there's something else you may not know about Dan. He's a bolt counter. Yup, we've seen him in action. While everyone else is standing around listening to marketing nonsense spewed by desperate PR types, Danny boy is on his back underneath the car in question going, "Reverse L-shaped suspension beams, interesting." Which is why he is the only man capable of looking at the Hawaiian Tropic bikini babes not quite draping themselves all over Peugeot's 24-hour entry and accurately deduce that the #7 car is only good for 17-hours. No other auto-journo has them sorta skills. Us? We would have missed the car completely. Spumy flinders, indeed. (Hat tip to rpm968) – Jonny Lieberman More »

Spumy Flinders! Dan Neil on the 599 Fiorano

In the video accompanying his review of the Ferrari 599, Se or Neil mentions that in a past life as a rock writer, he once interviewed Anthrax. He then proceeded to call them numbskulls. How can the band that recorded Among the Living and Persistence of Time possibly be a group of numbskulls? True, they did also record Fistful of Metal, an album that featured the lines, "I got thunder in my hands! I'm Metal Thrashing Maaaaaaaaaaaad!" So he could be correct. Regardless, Neil posits that the Fiorano is simply the best front-engined sports car ever made; a calling it a machine that will blow your mind to "spumy flinders." You okay over there, Dan? – Davey G. Johnson More »

No Klingon Love Poetry: Dan Neil on the Toyota Yaris

Yes, us oldsters still read the newspaper. This largely due to the fact that time is indeed marching on. Holding onto a bit of previously read pulpy words and pictures while sweating away at the gym always seems like a practical use of what time is left. Fellow gym goers likely thought marbles had been permanently lost witnessing this blog goon laughing out loud while reading Neil's take on the cheapest and tiniest of the current Toyota fleet. Neil also riffs on Klingons, Frank Sinatra, and an troublesome echo from Detroit that may be bouncing back to haunt the perhaps soon-to-be numero uno automaker. – Mike Bumbeck More »

Dan Neil on the XKR

The most recent iteration of Jaguar's legendary XK line has been divisive at the very least. Some call it beautiful. Some cry "Ovoid Taurus" and others "carp." In his review of Jag's uprated GT car, Dan Neil admits to not being sure about the XK at first, but begins to warm to its design, commenting, "Maybe the effect is less aerodynamic than Jungian: This is the shape of a coveted thing slipping through your fingers." And while we argree that the 3/4 view of the car is quite nice, from head on, it still looks like a hip-hop-obsessed lamprey chugged a 40 of pure quinine. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Motorwagen and Ramen

It may have only had .75hp. It may have sounded more like industrial equipment than what we know as an automobile. But Karl Benz' Motorwagen birthed and snuffed more nations than D.W. Griffith ever dreamed possible in a very short span of time. Meanwhile, Momofuko Ando who invented instant ramen — essentially the Kia Rio of foodstuffs — died Friday. However, college life will go on, and it's rather funny to see Dan Neil obliquely reference the danger of bits of a rotating assembly ending up in his colon while tooling around Pasadena dressed as a man who could conceivably own a penny farthing. Ah, history. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Choice Quotes From the Detroit Auto Show

Besides Thomas Weber's "Wee-Eight" comment, Mark Fields' description of Mercury as "Not Ford" and the apparent "I am going to cum all over you" line from Changfeng's Chairman Li, we only had Alan Mulally's "Ford blands" bit to keep us giggling. Let's just say Detroit didn't leave us with anything quite as golden as "ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL!" or "Your wife, my wife..." Regardless, there were a few gems that came to us away from the show floor. Transcribed verbal snapshots after the jump. More »

Der Auto Dom: Dan Neil On Germany's Shrines to Der Wagen

Our favorite Los Angeles-based auto writer trips across the pond and falls face first into a Hofbra haus fulla schnitzel. Or, more correctly, museums full of cars in the land that gave us the Karl Benz Motorwagen — a seminal invention that ultimately screwed the planet's pooch and/or freed us from our provincial moorings, liberating us to move about and kill each other with never-before precision. Which eventually led to the unfortunate never-before 1984 Chevy Corvette. Now go stop worrying and love the Neil. [Thanks to Doug for the tip.] More »

Mechanical Resonance: The Tesla Motors Press Intro, Complete With Governator

So we pulled out of San Pedro in the mid-afternoon to make sure we'd make it to Santa Monica Airport in time for the start of the Tesla Motors press intro. Rumors had flown back and forth as to whether or not the Tesla Roadster was simply a rebodied, rebadged Elise with an electric powertrain. The answer to that is slightly tricky — it is and it isn't. Click through for the full report. More »

Dan Neil Likes the Acura RDX, He Really Likes It

Dan Neil's back. Right, he never left physically, but if we're being honest (and we pretty much are), we'd been detecting a slight leak from his characteristic wit of late. If his Muse had left the building, she was only out for lattes (or a Double-Double with extra avocado). Neil's prosiness is back, and it's trained on the Acura MDX SUV, which he says, is "perfectly constructed, elegantly engineered and shamelessly underpriced." Acura's marketing speak-speak, on the other hand, is far less elegantly rendered.

In fact, so smitten am I by this vehicle that I can only conclude I'm exactly the sort of person it was designed for. According to Acura's psychographic buyer's profile, I'm apparently what you call an "urban achiever." I'm edgy, competitive, and I work hard and play hard. During the weekdays I'm entertaining clients and impressing the boss. Weekends I enjoy an active lifestyle of dating, night life and mountain biking.

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Dan Neil on the Lexus GS450h: Good News for Techies, Bad News for Golfers

This week, Dan Neil takes on hybrid doubters with a love letter to the Lexus GS450h, and a quick lesson on speaking in physics. Lest that intro sound as if we're challenging his objectivity, we ain't. Still, his usual gallons 'o prose does make us want to put foot to pedal.

The GS450h is the neon-skinned, freeway-ventilating electric eel of midrange torque. Put the Wellie to this car at 80 mph and, before you can say, "Galvani, Volta, Faraday and Tesla," the Electro-Lex is humming along at 100 mph, shoved into crass illegality by its 197-horsepower monster-magnet motor. ... The GS450h has a direct linkage between the go pedal and the rear wheels. Nail the throttle and the car surges forward on electron-greased rails while the needle on the cool-metallic "kilowatt" gauge swings to over 250kW (max output of gas and electric power is 339 horsepower). Next stop, D sseldorf.

He also confirms what we've heard about all that electric-ware reducing trunk space, but that's not nearly as much fun. More eel references please. [Thanks to Doug for the tip.] More »

Ugly, Ugly Evo: Dan Neil Drives the Mitsubishi, Insults Hippos

Consider yourself on notice, Mr. Neil. It's one thing to compare the Mitsubishi Evo MR's squat comport to a groundhog, but it's a whole 'nuther to point your fancy wordstick at a defenseless 500-lb child.

The stubby and thick Evo MR, on the other hand, is more like a rocket-powered groundhog, or a baby hippo fired out of a cannon. Fast. Ugly.

Still, ugly's not the whole story, says Neil. The top-of-the-mast Evo MR is also fast as hell, sticky in the corners, and costs close to $40,000. But boy, is it ugly.

On the outside, the Evo MR looks like it went into a performance parts store and got dressed in the dark.

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Dan Neil on the Suzuki Grand Vitara

In light of GM selling off $2 billion in Suzukibux, Dan Neil's review this week of the Suzuki Grand Vitara is poignant at best (and a helluva coincidence at the least). He addresses the two companies' enduring partnership, sans fiduciary ties, right off. "This seems a little like pledging a strong, future-oriented partnership with the Ottoman Empire," he writes, "but there you go." But what of the ute in question? Is the new model, like its predecessor, a four-wheeled referendum on public transportation, or have the Suzukians raised it to the standards of its competitors? There's good news and there's bad news. But mostly good. More »

Neun-Elf? Nein! Dan Neil on the Porsche Cayman

A commenter who's been conspicuously absent since he called us homophobes and didn't get away with it once referred to us as Dan Neil-wannabes in a vaguely derogatory way. But really, what auto writer doesn't aspire to that level of the craft? (Well, okay, plenty don't.) More »

Brian Lopes' Sportmobile Sprinter

Yesterday, we ran into Dan Neil at the LA Auto Show and stopped and chatted a bit. He seemed pleased to meet us, and we were certainly pleased to meet him. As erudite and quick in person as he is on the page, Neil mentioned that his son was in a band and wanted to tour. His choice for the ultimate Rock 'n' Roll Sexy Van? The Dodge Sprinter. Customized for two-wheeled maven Brian Lopes, this Sportmobile-built Sprinter 2500 is a no-nonsense hauler that illustrates the utility of the Merc/Dodge van and simply put, kicks ass. More »

Dan Neil on the Chevrolet HHR

This week, the LA Times's Dan Neil takes his Pulie and sticks it up the Chevrolet HHR's tailpipe with such figurative vigor, we're tempted to just hit copy-and-paste, shut the lights, and go get sugarplummed on Applebee's margaritas. Instead of wasting the HHR with a single, jungle-clearing BLU-82, labeled "poseur," he addresses the HHR's cultural failings like a lone Delta Force operative.

There is a Detroit-cloistered quality to the HHR, and not simply because it is such a pointed response to a crosstown rival. The HHR wants to capitalize on a sentiment.

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Dan Neil: The Economics of the Z06

The LA Times's Dan Neil again turns simple column inches into a multithreaded liberal-arts lesson. This time the focus is on the 2006 Corvette Z06, in a review by way of Adam Smith, Marx's Theory of Value, the Home Shopping Network, the Saunders Wrist-Rocket, Greek mythology and the "Wizard of Oz." Class is in session. More »

Pox on the Box on the Rocks: Dan Neil Decommissions the Jeep Commander

We've always thought designers of the Jeep Commander, in taking the shortest route to Seven-Passengerburgh, resigned themselves to a short-cut through Squaresville. Sure, it's the easiest solution to the "gotta have an extra row of seats" argument, but, as Dan Neil points out in this week's review, it makes for some ungainly spacial sacrifices. More »

Dan Neil Showers the New Mazda Miata With Verbiage

Dan, Dan. You've got the Pulitzer, now put down the Scrabble dictionary and step away from the word processor before some poor bastard loses an i. Frankly, Dan — and you know what devoted readers we are — it's just that when you get giddy, the sylababble alights from your lead paras like bees scrambled to intercept a Big Gulp. It's as if you'd become inhabited by a twee Flemish scribe who's spent most of the 13th century chained to a dungeon wall. Well, ok, that Kate Moss line is brilliant. Oh, what the hell, carry on. More »

Dan Neil Declares Ford Fusion Remarkably Adaquate

"The satisfaction of the new Ford Fusion is the same as laundry all folded and put away quietly important and necessary to an ordered world." — Dan Neil, Los Angeles Times More »