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Old memes never die, they just want you (like L7) to pretend that they're dead. After the jump, Johnson and Lieberman get punny with the tenacity of portly men in blue and gray wool who just won't let that whole Civil War thing drop. Praise the Lord and pass the ketchup packets.

Davey G.: FAF?
Loverman: DAFFY!
Davey G.: FAF-ESQUE!
Loverman: DAFEATIST!
Davey G.: FAFFARE!
DAFEOICA PUDDING!
Davey G.: POMP AND CIRCUMFAF!
Loverman: DAFUHRER!! (beat that)
Davey G.: THE FAFHATTAN PROJECT!
Loverman: DUDE! That was the next one I was working on!
OK, hang on
Davey G.: Haha!
Loverman: ZACK BRAFF SUCKS!
Davey G.: YES HE DOES!
I saw "The Last Kiss" last night. It was awful.
BRAFF < FAF or DAF!
Loverman: True DAF!
DON'T WORSHIP THE GOLDEN DAF
Davey G.: OR THE GOLDEN GIRFAF(FE).
Loverman: FRIED CHICKEN AND DAFFED POTATOES!
Davey G.: ROWAN & MARTIN'S FAF-IN!
Loverman: DAFOTA FANNING!
Davey G.: SUPREME COURT JUSTICE FELIX FAFFURTER!
Loverman: NORTH DAFOTA & SOUTH DAFOTA
Davey G.: BAKERSFAF, CALIFAFIA!
Loverman: DAFMEMBER
Davey G.: FAFUARY!
Loverman: DAF OF JULY!
Davey G.: FAFADA DAY!
Loverman: DAFTASTIC!
Davey G.: FAFSTILLE DAY!
Loverman: DAFTOPIA!
Davey G.: FAFSI COLA!
Loverman: COOL RANCH FAFRITOS!
I mean DAFRITOS!
Fuck
Davey G.: THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF FAFFER DAY SAINTS!
Loverman: DAFENTOLOGISTS!
Davey G.: SEVENTH-DAY FAFVENTISTS!
Loverman: JEWS!
Davey G.: ROMAN FAFOLICS!
Loverman: Uh... BORN AGAIN DAF PEOPLE
Davey G.: SOUTHERN FAFTISTS!
POPE JOHN PAUL THE FAF!
Loverman: DAFSTFARIANS
Davey G.: PRACTITIONERS OF FAFTERIA!
Loverman: DAFDAF
or would that be VOODAF?
Davey G.: Probably VOODAF.
Loverman: EAT AT THE DAFATERIA
Davey G.: NICK CAVE AND THE FAF SEEDS!
Loverman: DAFMEANSDAF
OPEDAF
or... ODAF
Davey G.: MINOR FAF!
Loverman: BRUCE DAFSTEEN AND THE DAF STREET BAND
DAF FLAG
BLACK DAF
Davey G.: THE FAF PUPPETS!
MISSION OF FAF!
BLACK FAFFATH!
Loverman: ITALIAN DAFIA
Davey G.: SWEDISH FAFIA!
Loverman: Man... you win.

But Johnson, much like Inspector Gadget, has only won this round; rest assured that this kind of crap goes on all too often here at tha Jalop. And so it shall go for eternity, or at least until one of the two of us succumbs to maladies brought on by our cigarette consumption.

Related:
Want to Know What Los Jalops Actually Talk About? [Internal]

In the DAF vs. FAF war, the FAF, despite our readers' severe glaucoma and one J. Loverman's anti-French propaganda, was indisputably the cooler vehicle. Regardless, we would like to take a moment to note that we'd like to belatedly congratuate DAF — now a unit of American conglomerate PACCAR (while Citroën remains defiantly French and er, under the ownership of Peugeot) — on the construction of three-quarters of a million beasts of burden. That's right, on April 19th, the 750,000th DAF truck rolled off the line in Eindhoven. The company currently has no plans to introduce the Variomatic to the international trucking market, which is a shame, because what's better than backwords semi tractor racing? Very little, we tell you what. – Davey G. Johnson

DAF Trucks

Related:
The Great DAF vs. FAF Controversy [Internal]

Davey, we know you tried. We give you props for that. And yeah, Grace Jones eating a CX is pretty oddball. But Grace Jones would have put any old car in her mouth. And you can't argue that. However, this video is truly bizarre. Imagine if you will a NASCAR team celebrating a major win in this fashion. Having trouble? OK, now think of any sports team any where in the world performing a song and dance like this. Curling doesn't count. No, only the Dutch are insane enough to celebrate Jan de Rooy winning the 1987 Paris Dakar in his beyond amazing dual-engined DAF Turbo Twin II by filming a polka video featuring the entire race crew. Also, I believe the guy in the glasses sings, "Citroen Kaput!" In your pipe, Johnson. Start smoking. – Jonny Lieberman

Team de Rooy [dakar-derooy.com]

Related:
Double-Radder Than Anything You Could Possibly Imagine: The DAF Turbo Twin II!!! | DAF vs. FAF [Internal]

We're living in pretty interesting times. France just elected a right-of-center president while neo-con to the nth degree Paul Wolfowitz is stepping down as president of the World Bank. Chuck Schumer and Di Feinstein are calling for a vote of no confidence against Alberto Gonzales. Who, by the way, was trying to get John Ashcroft to sign away the 4th Amendment while the latter was in hospital. Jerry Falwell's carcass was found in his office and Larry Flynt said the dead sack of shit Reverend was his friend. Oh, and there's a war (still) going on. Also, craziest of all, Brett Favre might want to be traded. So what do we here at Jalopnik discuss during these historic times? Make that jump; find out. – Jonny LIeberman

[19:10] Davey G: FAF!
[19:11] Loverman: DAF!
[19:14] Davey G: Dude, wait'll you see what I've got coming up.
[19:15] Loverman: give me a hint?
[19:21] Davey G: Yes. It's that god.
[19:21] Davey G: Good and God.
[19:21] Loverman: the 2CV thingy?
[19:26] Davey G: Yurp.
[19:26] Loverman: pretty good
[19:27] Davey G: Dude. Jerry Reed + 2CV? It doesn't matter if the hoonage is lacking a bit. It rules simply on principle.
[19:28] Loverman: yeah...
[19:28] Loverman: its ok
[19:28] Davey G: Because what did the 2CV give us, Jonny Lieberman?
[19:28] Loverman: Body lean?
[19:28] Loverman: buckets and buckets of body Lean?
[19:28] Davey G: More importantly.
[19:29] Loverman: Um... Good Clarkson clips?
[19:29] Loverman: (I ain't saying it)
[19:29] Davey G: Say it, bitch!
[19:29] Davey G: Say its name!
[19:29] Loverman: No!
[19:29] Davey G: YES!
[19:29] Loverman: Holland is the greatest country that borders Belgium
[19:30] Davey G: Feh.
[19:30] Loverman: leave me alone
[19:30] Davey G: Citroën is wackier than DAF, and you know it.
[19:30] Davey G: DAF never built anything with a Maserati motor.
[19:30] Loverman: FUCKING RUBBER BAND DRIVE!!!
[19:31] Loverman: You can't front on that!
[19:31] Davey G: Hydropneumatic suspension!
[19:31] Davey G: Three-wheel motion while escaping assassins!
[19:31] Loverman: Dude, air-cooled with rubber bands
[19:31] Loverman: I mean... what else do you need?
[19:31] Davey G: Hey, I threw some DAF props today.
[19:31] Davey G: Did you notice the Volvo 66s?
[19:32] Loverman: yes, very good
[19:32] Davey G: I'm just saying, Citroën was, as a whole, wackier than DAF.
[19:32] Davey G: Now, I concede that the whole of DAF out-wackies the FAF project.
[19:33] Loverman: um... as far as I can tell, DAF only ever built rubber band cars, F3 rubber band racecars and semi-trucks with two engines that dominated Paris-Dakar
[19:33] Loverman: that is check and mate
[19:34] Davey G: They did not build the Traction Avant.
[19:34] Davey G: The 2CV.
[19:34] Davey G: The Mehari.
[19:34] Davey G: The DS.
[19:34] Davey G: The ID.
[19:34] Davey G: The SM.
[19:34] Davey G: The CX.
[19:34] Davey G: The FAF.
[19:34] Davey G: The Eiffel Tower neaver read "DAF"
[19:34] Loverman: Right, but everything they built was... DAFtastic
[19:35] Davey G: I'm sticking with Citroën.
[19:35] Loverman: DAF!
[19:35] Davey G: FAF!

Related:
The Amazing Saga: DAF vs. FAF [Internal]

If Johnson had a tail right now, it would be tucked between his thighs in defeat as he staggered home from the bodega with all manner of who-knows-what in his hand. Meanwhile, the Loverman is bounding merilly (and surprisingly daintily) across the rooftops of Mount Washington shouting, "The Dutch stole the clutch!" and "Snatchback!" Meanwhile, his neighbors are shouting, "There's a Loverman! On the roof!" We kind of hope at least one is named Tevye. At the other end of the 110, Johnson is trudging slowly through the streets of Pedro, idly batting himself over the head with a discarded copy of the Daily Breeze and could only be made out to be mumbling "ifonlytheywouldadroppedthefugginhydro-pneumaticsuspensioninthatdamnedfaficouldafinallywonsomethingandmy-
exeswouldflocktomeenmassebutinsteadi'mbeingpropositionedbyfortysomething- hagsonstreetcornersinthesmallhoursicouldabeenacontenderwhataworld- whataworldwhataworld..." Oh, and occasionally repeating "Hatchback, Jonny! Haaaaaatchback!" at excessively high volumes. Don't worry, Harbor Division's on the lookout for our San Pedran son. He'll be fine once they get the sodium pentothal in him. Just fine, friends. Final tally? 274 for DAF, 90 for FAF.

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: The Final Battle [Internal]

We promise, this is the last time Jalopnik readers will see a post about DAF for a long, long while (unless of course we can hook up a test drive of that TurboTwin X1). But, DAF beat FAF, so this is our victory lap. The, um, well, car pictured above was a gift from DAF to the Dutch Royals when prince Willem-Alexander was born. For years the Kini could be seen rocking the Italian Rivera where the young prince used it as a M hari. We just like where they put the headlights. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: The Final Battle [Internal]

To the aggravation of some and the amusement of others, two of the guys who exist in the form of Jalopnik.com have been at war for the last week over a couple of vaguely ridiculous European cars. The Loverman has come down on the resin-encrusted side of Dutch manufacturer DAF, while Davey G. has gone on record as ridiculously worshipful of Citro n's easy-to-build, easy-to-finance FAF project. DAF has a miraculous rubber-band drivetrain. The FAF vehicles were based on the venerable 2CV platform. DAF built an omnidirectional amphibious vehicle. There is a cult of 2CV speedboat enthusiasts on the Continent. Both had Camino variants. In short, both Jonny and Davey will admit that the other's choices are awesome. But ultimately, which is more awesome? That readers, is what we're leaving it up to you to decide. Who will triumph? The can-can-dancing harlots of the Moulin Rouge, or the weeded-out kinkstresses of the Red Light District?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

If you need to brush up: DAF vs. FAF [Internal]

That's a microcar with suicide doors. Johnson's goose cooking suicide doors. But just two, as the driver's side features a Tjorven-style slider. That combo is... well, it's unique. And Dutch/Italian is way cooler than plain old French. Predicting a near-future where traffic snarls and general congestion would make life in the city (or at least parking) miserable, the Dutch rubber band mad men of DAF teamed up with the slick Italian coachbuilder OSI to produce the City Car concept. Why suicide doors? Why the hell not? Fine, they are supposed to make the car more practical. We also love the white vinyl-look interior. Especially the door padding. A few more dangerous pics after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
DAF vs. FAF Insanity; More: The Most Beautiful Ford in the World: 1967-68 Ford OSI 20m TS [Internal]

Related:
DAF vs. FAF; FUSO [Internal]

Rubber bands, boxer engine, fiberglass body, retro-design and a inflatable dolphin! And yeah, it's a Camino. You cannot find a hotter and/or uglier ride anywhere. I checked. Davey, you have no victory. The Dutch karate is too strong. More topless, clutchless, eyesore-ness after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
The DAF vs. FAF Jihad [Internal]

In some ways, Jonny, I feel a bit like I'm cheating here, as I'm going back to the Citro n t FAF page, and I already noted part of this in your Tjorvenamino post's comments, but not only was there a FAF-Pere 2CVamino, an open-cockpit FAFamino, and an A FAF air-droppable military vehicle with Camino-esque tendencies, there was also a hardtop FAFamino. Plus, the FAF's guillotine could dispense with your beloved rubber bands in a heartbeat. Read 'em and weep: the Dead Man's hand again. – Davey G. Johnson

FAF Facile Fabriquer, Facile Financer [Citro n t]

More DAF vs. FAF [Internal]

Go ahead, dude. Seriously, go ahead and even try to front on the quadruple-radical, insane mind-breaking magnitude that is a Dutch/Swedish Camino which started life as a postal van, sports an air-cooled boxer mill and has rubber bands connecting the continuously variable tranny to the rear wheels. Just try it, Johnson. We, along with Holland, exist in the form of the winner. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
DAF vs. FAF [Internal]

Sweden's got some very bad weather. So who do they call on to deliver their mail? Answer: Not Saab. Why, it is none other than DAF! This rubber band-motivated Kalmar Verkstad rebodied DAF 44 sports the awesome air-cooled 2-cylinder 40hp boxer engine we love so much along with the righteous, clutchless Variomatic CVT. It only has a single seat (much like the Jalopnik-beloved DAF Pony Military Vehicle) on the right and a sliding door on the left. Davey, why won't you save face and admit defeat? More Dutch/Swedish mania after the jump.

See the little girl's head peaking out of the back window? You are looking at the rare, Tjorven six-seater conversion. You ever heard of a FAF that could seat six? I didn't think so.

The rear door is split; the top hinges up while the bottom drops flat. Flat like a... OH MY GOD! You know it exists. You simply know it does... (stay tuned) – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: Would Bond Drive a DAF?; More: DAF vs. FAF: Would You Rather be a Platypus or a Shark?; More: 2CV Nautiques; [Internal]

Not so fast, Loverman. I will concede that the DAF Swim Car is a rather impressive piece of machinery. In theory. Everyone knows that amphibious cars barely work. How many Sherman Duplex Drives ended up at the bottom of the English Channel before they reached Normandy? But a 2CV on the other hand — a 2CV can be turned into a speedboat, as Dear Leader Spinelli pointed out long ago. And it's a short jump from a 2CV to a FAF, not unlike the minor leap from great ape to DAF defendant. Music! – Davey G. Johnson

2CV Nautiques; DAF vs. FAF: Military Pony, Meet the A FAF, Take One Look and Die; More: DAF vs. FAF: Froggy Mehari Gets Whooped By DAF Pony Military Vehicle; More: DAF vs. FAF: Get Your YA-YAs Outta My Face, Jonny: Mehari! [Internal]

We're not even entirely sure what we're looking at. But we do know DAF has check-mated old Johnson and his French non-hackers. This dear friends, is the DAF Swim Car. It is an off-roader. It is a convertible. It has a propeller. It has four-wheel steering via a second driver who faces backward. It floats. It looks the same coming or going. The engine cover can probably be used as a picnic table. It makes Davey say, "Uncle." It kicks the cheese-eaters in the nads. Make the jump for more photos. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: Military Pony, Meet the A FAF, Take One Look and Die; DAF vs. FAF: Froggy Mehari Gets Whooped By DAF Pony Military Vehicle; DAF vs. FAF: Get Your YA-YAs Outta My Face, Jonny: Mehari! [Internal]

The base vehicle has been modified to give it a 4x4 suspension, upholstery and floor mats which do not wear out as fast, and a switch starter instead of a key, along with things such as rifle racks, radio mounts, and other such accouterments. The front windshield can be folded forward and the canvas top removed. The rear bench seat folds forward to increase cargo room if necessary. Rear area commanders and teams in lower-priority areas use these vehicles. The A FAF is strong enough to be airdropped.

Airdropped. You hear that Jonny? Freaking airdropped. Let's see one of your precious DAFs jump out of a plane and live. I thought so. T.E. Lawrence, if he were alive today, would never be seen on such a ridiculous a-oo-gah-horned contraption as a rolling flatbed. But he'd roll right out of the ass end of an airborne C-130 in an A FAF with pride. – Davey G. Johnson

French Light Unarmored Vehicles

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: Froggy Mehari Gets Whooped By DAF Pony Military Vehicle [Internal]

Davey, Davey, Davey. Will you ever learn? Ouias? Non? You can't beat DAF, you can only hope Volvo buys them. Your little French off-roader is cute, but its puny butt gets beaten redder than table wine by the true king of obscure European 4x4s, the DAF Pony Military Vehicle. First of all, the driver sits in front of the vehicle — not in the front of, but all the way ahead. Which is insane. Second, he has to steer side-saddle. Which is the origin of the word batshit. And don't even get me started on approach/departure angles. France simply cannot compete, Johnson. More proof? Make the jump to check out the horn. – Jonny LIeberman

Related: DAF vs. FAF: Get Your YA-YAs Outta My Face, Jonny: Mehari!; More: DAF vs. FAF: Nailing Shut Davey G's Coffin; The DAF 66 YA; More: Don't Call it a Comeback: More FAFtasticness, Loverman Meets the Guillotine [Internal]

Yes, once, long ago, I did write about the sheer radness of Citro n's mini-Jeeplet, which totally kicks the poo out of the DAF 66 YA. It's beefier, tougher-looking, was actually briefly sold in the US of A, and was available with four wheel drive. The plastic-bodied Mehari was also the basis for the mighty FAF, and featured very little to none, er actually, none in the way of variator-type technology. 2CV-Mehari-FAF? That's a lineage that can't be touched, son. Don't make me drop the 2CV Safari on you.

Two boxer twins, one driving each axle? Those DAF Dakar trucks you love so much are merely ripping off something the parents of the FAF were doing years before. Hey, Jonny. How're your knees doing? Oh wait, I think you've just been cut off at them. Face! – Davey G. Johnson

Mehari [Citro net]

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: Nailing Shut Davey G's Coffin; The DAF 66 YA [Internal]

Around the time Nixon resigned, the Dutch military realized that they were wasting an awful lot of money for all-wheel drive Jeeps that never left the pavement. If Luxemburg should attack, something less potent would do just fine. So the brass commissioned the best (and only) clutch-thieving Dutch carmaker to create a comparable two-wheel drive Jeep-type thingy. While cheap and cute, the CVT and its infamous rubber bands proved to be the weak spot. Though was it the 66 YA's fault? Not totally, according to DAF Cars — make the jump for more.

"The soldiers in the Dutch army, largely made up of conscripts, lived up to their reputation of wrecking everything they laid their hands on, and the belts in the Variomatic transmission were the first to go"

Like the duality of light, the 66 YA exists in the form of both a convertible and a camino. Davey: it will only get worse for you from here. – Jonny Lieberman

Okay, so I was a little disheartened when the Loverman dropped the DAF Pony bomb. But I got up, dusted myself off, checked for traces of polonium and syphillis, and then I got busy. Dude, Jonny. There was also a FAF Pony! What's more, there was the FAF Patrol, which featured your beloved four-wheel drive, and is probably the ultimate French car for listening to Discharge at very high volumes in. Beyond that, the madmen at Citro n came up with a plot to build FAF factories in developing nations, using local labor and materiel. They even laid out an equipment list for the plants. Which, in classic French style, featured a guillotine. Beat that, you wooden-shoe wearing hippies! Click through for the scheme.

Things required to build 500 FAFs a year [Parts not included]

12 pneumatic welding tongs, water-cooled
4 pneumatic sanders
1 arc welding unit
6 oxyacetylene torches
4 spray guns
2 sewing machines
1 guillotine
1 pair of shears
1 punching machine
1 lathe
4 pneumatic drills

Hatchback, Jonny. Hatchback. – Davey G. Johnson

FAF Facile Fabriquer, Facile Financer [Citro net]

Related:
DAF vs. FAF: Kicking Davey G. in the FAF: The DAF Pony is Quite Simply the Radnes

We hate saying it Davey, but all your FAFaminos are now belongs to us. Actually, with this post we will state that all Frenchcaminos are now the sole property of us, too. The Pony pictured is mechanically identical to the regular DAF micro-car (2-banger air-cooled boxer mill, CVT with rubber bands powering the rear-wheels, prefers tulips) except the Pony can be had as a dump truck! Or, if you prefer, a semi-truck!!! In your face, Johnson, in your face!! Make the jump for more boots up Davey's backside. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
Screw the DAFamino! It's About the FAFamino!; More: The Dutch Stole the Clutch: Jalopnik Goes DAF Crazy! [Internal]