Audi R8 Meets Gran Turismo 5 On The Nürburgring

Audi has taken its super-Bruce R8 to the Nurburgring to make some direct comparisons between real-world track driving and GT5: Prologue driving as well as letting loose some secrets on the upcoming non-glorified-demo GT5. More »

German Automaker Museum Design Showdown: Porsche Vs. BMW

It's a whole heap-load of historical German precision as Fast Company sticks the design of the BMW museum and the new Porsche museum into a steel cage. Two Bruce enter, one Bruce leave! [Fast Company]

Mercedes AMG Releases Cool Runnings Simulator

Have you ever thought about buying an AMG, but needed to know how it does in the ice luge? Now you can act out those urges with AMG's newest flash game!

Mercedes 2.3-16 Is Brucer Than Our Imprecise Minds Can Comprehend

When we showed you the pics of a well maintained Mercedes 190E 2.3-16 yesterday it was nice to see that the rest of you share our love for this Cosworth-tuned Benz. In fact, you all liked it so much that one of you, Comedian, shared an uploaded 2.3-16 advertisement from the 1980's. Enjoy the novelty of a performance Benz with a manual and the phrase "with a four-cylinder, 16 valve jewel of engine." [YouTube]

BMW's Busted Balls of Bruce?

Ze Germans are all about über-precision. So why is it that they don't even have a properly functioning set of perpetual motion balls? We found these at the BMW stand at the New York Auto Show, and our first thought was the Bavarians had busted their balls. But it turns out that these are supposedly part of some ironic demonstration of some sort of BMW safety somethingoranother. It's a bit confusing, but we still think the SLR 722 GTR parking struggle over at the Mercedes stand was a bit more embarrassing.

Carrera Libido

A fine specimen of precision double-xx chromosomal engineering gives a sterling hunka-hunka burnin' Bruce a thrill. Ah, those wacky Germans.

Bruce as Economic Motivator

According to BMW honcho Norbert Reithofer, the trick to succeeding in the global marketplace as a German-based company can be summed up in a deceptively simple sentence: "It's all about mastering complexity." Such, then, is the cost of delivering Bruce to the people and existing as a serious component of a newly resurgent economic engine in Deutschland, a nation that saw 2.8% economic growth last year, despite notoriously stringent labor laws and a strong euro. Time dives headlong into the highly-precise morass of German industry. – Davey G. Johnson More »

And Now A Word From Bruce's Patron, Ferry

Ferry Porsche oversteered his way to the great Nürburgring in the sky nearly a decade ago. But sometime in the late '80s or early '90s, the man filmed this awesome promotional spot that puts current Porsche advertising to shame. 959, 928, Porsche's amazing line of sports-racers, the 550, etc. — they're all here. This is the kind of clip that turns small boys into lifelong Porschephiles and commands respect from anyone with even the slightest hint of petrol coursing through his circulatory system. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Merkel Don't Need No Merkin: German Chancellor Stands Up for Bruce

Angela Merkel just applied a blast furnace to the cockles of our speed-freak hearts by standing up to the EU and asserting that unrestricted autobahn speeds aren't negotiable. The key to the development of the most Brucetastic vehicles in the world, the highways are a wonder of order and precision, at least when compared to the 405. The German chancellor stared down EU Environmental Commissioner Stavros Dimas when he asserted that Germany isn't doing enough to be green. Funny, because when we studied in Germany a decade ago, it was a helluva lot greener than the US is now. Plus, gas prices and the cost and rigorous nature of driver training in Germany, as well as serious TUV inspections, combined with impeccably-maintained roadways make travel by car in the nation, from our anecdotal experience, some of the safest and cleanest in the world. More »

Precision Is Expensive: Welcome To The BMW Experience

I've come to the conclusion that BMW spends more money on sending promotional materials to their customers than any other automaker. Let's use my mom as an example. Momma Wert just bought BMW's new mini-UV, the X3. Since she bought the new car four months ago, she's received a "welcome letter" and "an exclusive invitation" to an event for new BMW X3 owners as well as "BMW magazine," a monthly "lifestyle" magazine for bimmer owners. Gag. As the topper to these wonderful parting gifts, last week she received a beautifully packaged official "BMW Welcome Kit." This kit, which looks like to cost the equivalent of a monthly payment, congratulates my mother for becoming the "new and proud owner of an X3 3.0si" and according to BMW's US office is meant

"To help you gain a deeper understanding of your vehicle, the community that surrounds it and the free-thinking company that created it, we've developed this Welcome Kit. It contains a host of information about your BMW Ownership Experience..."

But wait, there's even more precision packaged into this here plastic-wrapped promo-pack. They've enclosed a "Passion for Performance" DVD giving a "closer look at The Ultimate Driving Machine" as well as — get this — books on CD, or what they're calling "a special thank-you gift designed to make your next road trip even more exciting." We'd like to tell you what we thought of the DVD and books-via-CD, but after I took pictures of the package my mother promptly threw the entire thing in the garbage, disustedly exclaiming "I think they should cut the price instead of sending me more crap." My mother's a wise woman. – Ray Wert More »

2 Legit 2 Quit: Mercedes 300D Limo

In the sub-basement level parking garage of a hotel in fabulous El Segundo is this forlorn Mercedes 300D limo. Why this fine example of prestige and luxury is sitting on four flat tires is a source of great mystery. With no celebrity or executive to transport, the Rial mesh rims and rear deck lid wing have no one to impress. Perhaps MC Hammer and entourage rode with Bruce legit before the mighty Mercedes quit. – Mike Bumbeck More »

Aluminum und Spiel: Audi R8 in Nevada

The Fans of World Cars posted an Audi corporate vid of the new R8, as it's put through some light hoonage in Nevada. Dig the highly precise doppler effect on the RS4's 4.2-liter V8 as it's moderately wrung, though still mellifluous, on road and track. – Mike Spinelli More »

Here In This Place is a Means to Your End: BMW Nurburgring Mini-Doc

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Loverman Dead of Aneurism: M5 Touring Video!!!

Oh man. We typed the headline before we watched the video. So far we're at the 3-minute mark and we've learned that the M5 wagon is made of metal, has an interior complete with seats and an engine that says "V10" on it. Snore-a-roo. There's no sound, either. Wait, we're 3:14 in and the uberest of all uber-wagons (or at least the highest reving) is starting to move. 3:26 and we finally get the engine note. It sounds like five Hyabusas taking part in an Anaconda-style sex ball (don't ask, I'm on a roll). And... you know what? Even something as truly, righteously Bruce as a frigging 500 horsepower station wagon is just murdered by low-quality, low-production, low-rent internet video. And people wonder why we like Top Gear so much. How can this be so boring? Do a donut or something. It's at the 5:30 point and I need more coffee. Still, the car sounds quite good. But why bother — what's the point? Of the video — the rationale behind the car is crystal clear. Christ this is dull. And now it's over. – Jonny Lieberman More »

Detroit Auto Show: Variable Turbo Diesel Bruce

Behold the highly efficient BMW variable twin-turbo diesel engine. The not equal size turbos are there for a reason. The smaller turbo brings forth boost at low engine RPM and exhaust velocity. The larger turbo takes over at higher engine RPM, and handles forced induction chores up to the five-thousand RPM redline. Boost? Try 40 psi. Cleanup is handled by a catalyst and particulate scrubber after the turbos, and another catalyst after the urea injector. The not wee twenty liter urea tank needs filling only every 40K miles or so. The result is maximum diesel Bruce with a minimum of exhaust nastiness. – Mike Bumbeck

Bruce Goes to Malaysia: Brabus to Offer Quick Tuning Service in Bangsar

The evil masterminds at Brabus began their quest for the domination of Malaysia's roadways back in 2000, and with the opening of the Naza Group's new Bangsar facility, will begin offering a quick-tuning service that only takes a few hours. According to Naza executive vice-president of operations Faisal Nasimuddin, "Brabus owners can leave their cars at the showroom for a few hours to install a power kit in the engine and have it tuned for a few thousand ringgit." He then began cackling madly, a skill which he apparently picked up while visting Brabus headquarters in Bottrop, Germany. – Davey G. Johnson More »

The Subaru Legacy Touring Bruce

Ol' Thnderblt said it best: "Porsche may have bruce, but only Subaru has Bruce." We have nothing more to add. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Zey Vill Soon Change Zher Name to Bruce AG

We are willing to be bet that there is no machine shop anywhere in the world with a name as good as this. Well, there might be one in Japan, as we did see a set of wheels in a Clarkson Motorworld clip where he finds a set of wheels at Autobacs that read "SUPER POTENTIAL," among other things. We like having wheels with at least a modicum of potential, and we like our engine-parts machining highly precise. The only thing that concerns us from a marketing standpoint is that German Precision's website...well, let's just say Bruce was in Zuffenhausen, rather than Sunnyvale, CA the weekend this thing was designed. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Pith Helmet On, Bruce! Audi Goes to India

We don't know how to say "Vorsprung durch Technik" auf Hindi , but we're sure the boys in Ingolstadt have that covered. Utilizing excess capacity in the Indian Skoda facility in Aurangabad, they plan to send knocked-down A6s from Deutschland and assemble them on the subcontinent. Right now, they're only planning about 300 Indian-built cars for '08, but assuming the market demands it and the Germans find the assembly precise enough, we wouldn't be surprised to see more Indian Audis on the roads as the country's affulent classes grow. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Porsche-Diesel! We Didn't Know!

Herr Doktor Ferdinand Porsche was certainly a prolific fellow, this much is known. The gargantuanly-hairball Silver Arrows, the Beetle, and various German military vehicles of the Roughly-987-Less-Than-a-Thousand-Year-Reich. He also sired Ferry Porsche, who gave the world the vaunted Neun Elf, and great-uncled Ferdinand Pi ch, who spearheaded both the Can-Am-killing 917 program and the sales-underperforming Volkswagen Phaeton. More »

Holy Crap! Auto Union Type D Going on the Block!

Excuse us for a second while we wipe the drool from our chin. And our chest. And our toes. Unsavory as it might be, we are literally swimming in a sea of saliva at the moment, and here's why. In the 1990s, this Auto Union was discovered in pieces in the former Soviet Union, having been taken back to the Rodina after the war to be studied in the hopes that the precision of German racecar technology could somehow advance The State's auto industry. It didn't work. We got the Lada instead. More »

ALUMINUM UND SHTEEL! TUNED! Mit Extra Bruce! The Oettinger TT

The bwahs und grills at Oettinger have taken the new Audi TT under their wing and slapped on a body kit and dug into the 2.0 turbo mill to add sort of extra boost to the formerly Bauhausian and now rather butch little Rabbit-based car constructed of a hybrid of aluminum und shteel. Besides the ber-precise 350 horsepower on tap for the highest bidder, cotomers can also opt for lesser 230, 280, and 310 hp sevises. Mostly, though, we wish Oettinger would make use of their well-earned umlaut. Bruce would want it that way. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Wa Hey! C/D Announces 10Best!

It's an institution, and one we largely admire. The rational, occasionally zaniac minds (hopefully the graduation of one Mike Austin from our ranks to theirs will help bring that deft touch back) at Car and Driver have announced their 10Best list for 2007. And frankly, it's chock full o' the usual suspects. Three are imbued with a healthy dose of Bruce, two proudly wave the Stars and Stripes (although one does double-duty, carrying the banner for the Schwarz-Rot-Gold as well) and five hail from the land of kabuki, zaibatsu, sashimi and bukakke. Click through for the list. More »

LA Auto Show: Porsche Remains Logical

Stating that all Porsches are logical evolutions, and by merely talking about their latest in logicmobiles they were getting all goosebumpy, the affable yet precise Germans at the LA Auto Show rolled out the latest from Stuttgart. Porsche also showcased a less evolved example of Porsche racing history by putting a 908/3 on a pedestal. While the 908/3 kicked out around 300-500 hp in the 70's depending on race trim, the new-to-North America GT3 belts out 415 hp. That's 115 street-legal hp per liter of naturally aspirated displacement, kids. While driving a vintage 908/3 on the street would certainly be fun, spinning it ass-first through the plate glass window of the local Starbucks would likely land your ass in the hoosegow. The new 911 Targa 4S is pretty sweet too. More fast logic in the gallery. – Mike Bumbeck More »

Adventures in Italian Signmaking

Bruce, apparently, is not in the Italian lexicon. (Lambo excepted). And no, this is not a Photoshop job. – Davey G. Johnson

En Fuego! Renault's Sporty Coup

According to one David A. Knox, who runs a webpage devoted to the glory of the departed Renault Fuego, "I have tried to be accurate about my facts and figures, but, as anyone who has done automotive history knows, precision is often an unapproachable goal." While we feel that Knox may need to have a chat with Bruce, we do appreciate his dedication to Renault's oft-forgotten sports coup of the 1980s, which was available and your friendly, local and rather desperate American Motors dealer. Plus, at one point, it even had a hemi! Then again, so did the Starion, and it was actually driven by the correct wheels. Regardless, the Fuego's worldwide production span lasted until 1993, which gives it the longevity edge. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Traction Avant: Wrong-Wheel Drive Never Sounded so Right

We were just IM'ing with commenter Punkey — whose true identity shall be revealed tomorrow, er later today — when he busted out with the best line we've heard from anyone all day besides "You're an asshole." We were debating the relative merits and demerits of the 2CV vs. the Beetle when the topic of Bruce entered the argument and he dropped this gem: "The French haven't even heard of Bruce. He's not even in their MySpace extended network." More »

Combative Sports Elevator: Cayenne With Lambo's Horns

In their ever-increasing quest to infuse Lamboghini with more Bruce than Iron Maiden's frontman's tights after a rousing rendition of "Hallowed be thy Name," Audi has apparently handed off development of the successor to the infamous Rambo Lambo to their sort-of corporate masters at Porsche. The resulting vehicle looks rather imprecise, although we're sure that under the skin, there beats the heart of a bull crafted with superior metallurgy and the world's finest micrometer, which pumps the blood of fallen GSG 9 men in tribute. – Davey G. Johnson More »

Bruce Allows For Super Towing Potential: Touareg Pulls 747

Oh, it's always fun combining our petty little memes. But we will not be using "Hibernigasm" or "Teutonogasm," or even "Rudolfdieselgasm" in this post. You know that 747 that the Stig and stars in reasonably priced Lacettis and Lianas blow past at Dunsfold Airfield during on-track segments of Top Gear? Yes? Yeah, they towed that 155,000-kg beast with a lowly TDI Touareg. In second gear. And nothing broke. We're waiting for the An-124 vs. Polo challenge. [Thanks to Sean for the tip.] – Davey G. Johnson More »

Team Police Officer Arrested by Polizei

Since we got tipped to this by Thnderblt, Jamillah of tha Beeb and Herr Roy himself, we kind of can't not post it. A 35-year-old G ttengen man was taken in by German authorities for impersonating an officer in a 30-year-old California Highway Patrol car. Apparently, the man was taking the car to Bavaria to sell when he was accosted by the Brucetastic forces of the Osthessen Polizei and booked for outdated registration, impersonating an officer and carrying a replica Smith & Wesson without a permit. But the best part? His ID badge read "T.J. Lazer." Yes! – Davey G. Johnson More »

Do Not Front on My Brabus, Nor Should You Front upon Mein Bruce: Claus Ettenberger's Florida Shop Due in February

We like Claus Ettenberger, a man who can rock a Hugo Boss cap without irony, and will complete a cross-country rally as fast as possible simply to have time to shower, say hello to his family and then head up to Ventura to play fu ball. As an official installer of all things Brabus and AC Schnitzer, not to mention Oettinger, Herr Ettenberger has chiseled a career from the embrace of Bruce. The new highly-precise (although our jury is still out on Schnitzer precision) facility will offer the sale and installation of hop-up pieces from Novitec, TechArt, Azev and Antera, as well as the aforementioned brands. Rich people who prefer hurricanes to earthquakes and snow, warm up your checkbooks: the new shop opens February 24th in Miami. More »

A Triumph of German Precision: Benz Sells 25th Million Car Since WWII

Given that companies that survived the Second War were essentially given a reboot following the cessasion of hostilities, it makes sense that the brainchild of Gottlieb Daimler and Karl Benz is celebrating the sale of 25 million automobiles since 1945. So they are, having delivered their 25,000,000th vehicle (an E-Class) to a taxi company owner at the Sindelfingen plant. If only they'd done it in Accept's hometown of Solingen, and if only it was a reproduction of the AMG Hammer, we would be very happy. Regardless, happy brucetastic milestone, Merc. Now please just stop building stupid cars like the R-Class and go do what you do best: make people poop in fear whether they're inside the car or outside of it. – Davey G. Johnson More »

CHMSL Not Bruce Enough For You? Try Winky The Cat!

If the third brakelight on your 911 simply isn't highly precise enough, might we suggest adding Winky the Cat to your rear parcel shelf? When interfaced with your taillights, Winky's eyes blink in sync with your signals, telegraphing an extra degree of safety to following motorists. Commenter Murilee Martin lamented his deletion from the JC Whitney catalog, but according to the folks at Nostalgia Unlimited, who also sell Betty Boop clocks and bobblehead dogs "made of 'realistic' flocked material," Winky's back and better than ever. Don't delay! Order today! – Davey G. Johnson More »

928amino on eBay!

Holy schnitzel! There's a 928 pickup for sale, and it's only a few cities and a desperate freeway slog away from us! That said, any Southern-California highway drudgery would be much, much more fun knowing that your V8 is possessed with serious quantities of Bruce and the back of your car is ripe for Springsteen listening parties. Type in the winning bid on this, and all you'll need to complete the package is a case of cold, cold Lowenbra and a hottie named Astrid in a Confederate-flag bikini top (or one that reads "909" on one breast and "916" on the other) to ride shotgun. Oh crap. We just noticed the auction's over. [Thanks to Filippo for the tip.] More »

Flushing Mad Scrill Down the Terlet: Name Your Porsche

Commenter Larry Forney notes that if you want to emblazon "When the end times come, please know that I supported many charities," across your Porsche's rump, you will merely be out 2931.80 euro. Yes, folks, step right up and Name Your Porsche! For a ridiculous cash outlay (no refunds), you too can have a 911 that mysteriously proclaims its model designation as "Bruce." Forget ceramic brakes. We want a Carrera GT called "Chuck Biscuits." Or maybe "Rik Mayall." "Buckwheat?" As an aside, "Bruce" is the new shorthand for Fine German Precision, as in, "The shifter was endowed with so much Bruce it would be hard to imagine a more desirable gearbox." Watch for more Bruce in these pages soon. – Davey G. Johnson More »