Britney Abandons Car On Sunset Boulevard, Lets It Get Towed

You know, it's boring getting a flat tire. That's why Britney Spears, upon discovering that a non-round tire makes for a bumpy ride, simply left the Mercedes where it sat and hitched a ride home in a following paparazzi photographer's vehicle. The police, however, were less than sympathetic about her choice of parking spots (blocking a lane of Sunset Boulevard), and hitched up their dirty ol' tow truck for a trip to a very expensive parking lot. No word on whether the incident took place in front of Norma Desmond's house. [ShowbizSpy]

Federline Asks Britney Not to Drive Kids in New Mercedes

We're getting a bit tired of celebrities and their automotive follies, but there's been an interesting twist in the ongoing saga of Britney Spears, cars and K-Fed's surprisingly high level of parenting competency... and we're hypocrites. Possibly after hearing about Britney and her new SL65, K-Fed had the audacity to ask that she not drive their kids in the massively-powered convertible just because she's had a little history with bad driving and has been dodging her drug tests. What a crybaby. [Brisbane Times]

Mighty Empires Tremble In Aftermath Of Britney Parked-Car Scrape!

All right, folks, we've got some seriously earth-shattering news for ya: when you hit a parked car, the owner gets upset. Especially when a couple dozen maniacal paparazzi document the entire mess, yet you still don't contact the owner of the parked car. It turns out that Ms. Spears didn't bother to have her people get in touch with the owner of the silver Benz, who ID'd the perp from the overwhelming torrent of media coverage and filed a police report. [Access Hollywood]

Britney Spears Has A New Ride: The Porsche Speedster

Maybe Brit decided the hassle of figuring out how to mount the baby seat for the Feder-spawn was just too much of a hassle. She's ditched any thought of driving around town with the baby in tow — because she's just picked up a little two-seater — a 356 Porsche Speedster. Let's see her try to jam the baby seat into the front-seat of that smaller-than-mini ride. Of course, then she'd be breaking the law — not that she hasn't already done that a couple of times. No word yet on when K-Fed plans to crash it. More pics after the jump: More »

'American Inventor' Winner's First Baby Buggy Bubble Sale — Britney Spears?

American Inventor winner Janusz Liberkowski's got a decent chunk of change to play with after winning the show's $1,000,000 prize for his innovative "new to the world" spherical baby survival seat concept. The seat's definetly innovative — we've no doubt of that — what with it's ability to support a baby's head and neck regardless of what direction a car is hit. But more importantly, you can say goodbye to the need to tightly lash in your child — the seat takes care of that problem for you — so regardless of the tightness of the belt the baby's gonna stay secure in her buggy bumper. Now he's gotta just come up with some fun marketing ideas. Well, maybe Liberkowski could snag some earned media by selling a baby bubble to the princess of pop herself — Britney Spears? What with all of her baby trouble of the past week, this may be the perfect opportunity to get that first sale — plus the legions of loyal white trash teenie-boppers who listen to her pop-poop. And we all know they'll have their first babies by the age of 16 or so. It's totally the perfect market. Just remember to cut yer boys at Jalopnik in on the profits, ok Janusz? More »

Britney's Bloopers Force Legislature To Act; Bonus! Spears Slips, Spills Baby Walking To Car

Britney Spears picked a bad day to have another li'l blooper with the baby. The pop singer accidentally bobbled her little Feder-spawn on a New York City street as she walked to her car — baby in one hand, glass of something in the other. The tarty pop star's loose-fitting low-rise jeans snagged on her sandal heel as she exited her hotel — handlers in tow. Luckily, little Sean Preston escaped injury — for now. But at least California's democratically-elected legislature is on the case today. They're making sure the little tot makes it to at least age one unscathed by automotive injury. They're looking to introduce a bill today to clear up any questions the public may have on child-seat law after this week's earlier incident involving Britney's bucle-up blunders. The legislation in question will require any child under one year old facing backwards, regardless of weight. Thank goodness someone's doing something to try and stop this insanity — and we ask you to please call your legislator today and ask him or her to pass "Britney's Law." More »

Britney Spears' Baby Buggy Blunder — Not Illegal, But Still Dumb As Federline

Our media-whore obsessed sister site Gawker tipped us to their update on our joint coverage yesterday of Britney Spears' baby seat boondogle. A friend of a friend gave them the low-down that although state law allows a baby of over 20 lbs. to be in a forward-facing baby seat, the American Academy of Pediatrics says it should be "over 20 lbs. and over one year in age..." The Feder-spawn is not one year of age, obvs! Oops, Britney's in the wrong again. More »

Britney, Bro in Malibu Ferrari Breakdown

Oh no, Britters! Like she was out in Malibu with her like icky brother Bryan in her Ferrari 360 Spider, and like omygod, Bryan blew the clutch trying to get away from the paparazzi. And like the paparazzi was all, "hang on, Britters, we'll give you a push, if we can like take all these unflattering pictures." She was all, "ok" and then, "nice going, fatso. I'm telling mom you broke the Ferrari." And he was all "shut up, loser." More »

Federline Desecrates Ferrari, Enzo Undoubtedly Pissed

Oh man, Mr. Ferrari's totally spinning in his grave a la a redlining Formula 1crankshaft right about now. Britsperminator Kevin Federline went and had his name painted on the brake calipers of the 360 his wife bought him (and recently had towed away). We can't really put it any better than reader Greg, who tipped us off to the atrocity, so we'll just leave it to him: "These Federline brake calipers on the hapless Ferrari are forever. Or at least until Britney kicks him out for reals, and he's forced to eBay the car. Then the next owners will hopefully restore its dignity." Amen to that. Is it wrong for us to wanna deck the guy just for being himself? More »

Britney Takes Back the Ferrari

Co-creator of the former embryo once known as the Federletus, Kevin Federline, has reportedly had his Ferrari repo'd by his wife, jiggle-tastic former teen sensation Britney Spears. Multiple-time babydaddy Federline has apparently been kicked to the curb by Spears, who's sick of his partying ways. In some ways, the Louisiana-born singer and the Fresno-born dancer are perfect for each other, if only so the rest of us can see what happens when white trash folk are handed too much money. It isn't always Jed, Ellie Mae and Jethro, kids despite what Hollywood would have you believe. Meanwhile, we bet that prancing horse will go for major bank at auction in ten years. Or not. [Thanks to the Tabasco-hottt Nixie for the tip.] More »