Fried turkey, the official food of Thanksgiving hoons, only gets better when prepared with an engine hoist. Here's Mike Bumbeck's holiday classic on how to dunk your bird in boiling oil properly. — Ed.

Those of you who have not yet deep-fried a turkey and enjoyed its crispy yet still juicy goodness are indeed missing out on the turkey day experience. This deep-frying exercise is not to be taken lightly. Hooking a propane tank up to a flimsy stand upon which five gallons of hot oil and a big 'ole turkey sit bubbling is a recipe for one heck of a grease fire. Even lowering the big bird into the bubbling oil is an exercise in danger. Jalopnik is here to show you how to deep-fry even a monster bird with relative safety and amusement.

Each year the warnings hit the news about the dangers of deep-frying a turkey. Some folks compete for the Darwin award and try to pull this off inside. This is a very bad idea. Please do not attempt to deep-fry turkeys in the house. Also don't try to pull this off on a dried out wooden deck attached to the house. That being said, the second great problem is lowering the giant bird into the hot oil without getting burned. Years ago we stumbled upon this procedure over at Big Nate's house at a holiday-related function. A 17-pound bird on sale for six bucks at Ralph's and an engine hoist sitting in the garage got us thinking it was a procedure worth revisiting.