If Car Company Slogans Were Honest

For over a century now, carmakers have been bullshitting us with bogus slogans and marketing nonsense. Jalopnik readers came up with ten honest car slogans to set things straight.

Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

We got the idea for honest car slogans when we saw Chinese carmaker Guangzhou Auto filling up its promotional material with complete nonsense. Even if you leave the unfortunate mis-translations aside, it's a shame to see a brand-new company stooping to the same old levels of stupidity to get you in the showroom.

We can set an example to the Guangzhou Autos of the world that you don't need to make up nonsensical phrases to sell cars. We can do better!

The only thing that's missing from this list is BMW. We got so many new BMW slogans (even we made up one ourselves) that we just couldn't pick a winner for the Bavarian Motor Works. Just leave your favorite made-up, honest BMW slogan below. In fact, if you think we forgot any company that deserves a swift kick in the truthmaker, leave it in Kinja.

Photo Credit: Autogespot


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

10.) Toyota

Because you don't like to shop around.

Suggested By: CobraJoe


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

9.) Volkswagen

Seeking world domination since 1938.

Suggested By: stirling.spera , Photo Credit: The Classic Beetle/VW


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

8.) Kia

Because your parents won't buy you a used 4Runner.

Suggested By: daddyfaces


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

7.) Honda

The Power of Laurels.

Suggested By: philaDLJ


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

6.) Ford

Aston Grilles For All.

Suggested By: philaDLJ


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

5.) Lexus

"God damn, Larry. Look at you. Absolutely crushed it this year. Sold more home insurance than anyone else in the Triangle, NC area. Take your sales bonus and show your bastard neighbor Tom (who really needs to hurry the fuck up and trim those briars back before you report him to the HOA) who's boss with a new ES. Drive it to work. Drive it home. Drive it to the Cheesecake Factory with your kids (has Sarah gotten past that punk rock phase yet?) and eat new-age enchiladas until your ulcerative colitis flares back up. You deserve it."

Suggested By: scrambledthedeathdealer


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

4.) Mercedes AMG

Because the doctor said using a clutch pedal was bad for your hip.

Suggested By: Frost


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

3.) Jeep

Mall Rated.

Suggested By: LastActionZero


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

2.) Rolls-Royce

The Ultimate Being Driven Machine.

Suggested By: Patrick Frawley


If Car Company Slogans Were HonestS

1.) Land Rover

Because your trophy wife deserves the illusion of integrity.

Suggested By: Duzer111