Someone Spent Loads Of Money Making This Corvette Ugly, Then Crashed ItS

I'm going to preface everything I say about this 2006 C6 Corvette with unadulterated, overly-critical speculation about its previous owner. Whoever that person was is most likely a moron. How do I know? I saw why it has a salvage title, issued by the State of Florida, naturally.

Somehow, this car — which is now for sale on eBay — suffered a front end collision and some sort of flood. That could mean any number of things in most places: The car was in a storm; someone crashed it into a fire hydrant; its owner got drunk and crashed it into a golf course lake. All of the normal things you would assume about a car with collision and flood damage.

But this 'Vette has dragons and vampires painted on it, and its from Florida, so the range possibilities of how it ended up in such a pitiable state instantly becomes more robust. If I were a Floridian with a dragon and vampire festooned C6, what would I do with it? For starters, I'd ingest a brimming cocktail of mind-altering substances, then I'd probably turn the car into a rolling meth lab. Somewhere about midway through my detached-from-reality fantasies, I'd most likely end up crashing the car into a holding tank for farm-raised baby gators, then run naked around the wreckage, pulling the stuffing from the pile of pillows I'd just stolen from Walmart while screaming hoarsely about my baptism by lawn sprinkler with Ronnie Van Zant's ghost.

But I'm not from Florida, and I don't own a dragon/vampire-themed 'Vette with a scantly explained salvage title. I could, and so could you if you can fork over $17,500 to the car's current owner. But why would you do that? Dragons and vampires don't match. Even the vampire woman in the portrait plastered on the car's hood is crying tears of blood over how ugly it is.

Someone Spent Loads Of Money Making This Corvette Ugly, Then Crashed ItS

Someone Spent Loads Of Money Making This Corvette Ugly, Then Crashed ItS

Someone Spent Loads Of Money Making This Corvette Ugly, Then Crashed ItS

Photo credit: eBay