Yesterday, we saw the Acura RLX for the first time in its 16 headlight glory. If you didn't know, that's a lot of headlights.
While the mainstream, right wing, centrist, left wing automotive media was talking about trunk space and hybrid systems, we dug in for the deeper story: The RLX has a super sad Beluga whale on its dashboard.
But the good news is that Ash78 dug even deeper and let us know that the Beluga not only has a name — it's Carl (seen above with Justin Bieber) — but is also a stand up comic. This is part of his old act:
Please welcome the stage, he's opened for Mitch Hedberg, The Amazing Jonathan, David Cross, and many others. The Catskills' very own....CARL THE BELUGA!!
Hey everyone, how are we doing tonight? It's an honor to be back here in the Catskills. I got some bad news the other day. Turns out my foreskin was used to decorate the interior of a Russian Porsche. Maybe it's time for a Mohel change, eh? (muffled laughter)
Things aren't all bad. These stage lights should dehydrate me pretty quickly, so if I pass out, it's not because I've been hitting the Manischewitz. (laughter) It's because my skin requires constant moisture and every moment outside my tank is agony. (silence)
And have you heard about these new Acuras? Oy Gevalt! I thought the Russians were bad, they've got nothing on the Japs. These guys are cutting our heads off and turning the eye holes into vents. I guess their local beluga eyes were too slanty for that. (nervous laughter)
But at least they're feeding us. Maps, gloves, registrations, the usual (laughter). I guess I should feel lucky they're not violating international whaling laws to catch me and sell me to China for aphrodisiacs. Because let me tell you, eating me is probably more like taking a Quaalude. (laughter)
Thanks, everyone, you've been great. I'll be swimming down the Atlantic coast, with stops in Atlantic City, Myrtle Beach, Boca Raton, and then up the Mississippi later this month, ending in Branson. I hope to see some of you again. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and try the whale.
Last we heard Lexus was going to respond by mounting Jim Gaffigan on the dash of the LS460.
Photo Credit: Getty Images