The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

Carmakers will slap their name on anything if they think they can make a buck from it. As Jalopnik readers found, this has led to some unbelievably terrible pieces of crap.

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Doing the research for this article, we found that the well of horrible tchotchkes branded by official carmakers is virtually bottomless. There are just too many overpriced Ferrari Segways, Ferrari golf balls, and Ferrari laptops to mention. Ferrari could fill up this list a hundred times over, but here's the crème de la crème.

Photo Credit: Tonino Lamborghini


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

10.) Porsche Design Blackberry

Suggested By: PTLmarketingltd

What you get: A fully-featured Crackberry Bold will run you a few hundred bucks. What about one with fiddly metal buttons and the word "Porsche" on it? $2,350.

Photo Credit: Porsche Design


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

9.) Tonino Lamborghini phone

Suggested By: Leadbull911

What you get: While the Porsche Blackberry is overpriced, at least it's not as bad as what Tonino Lamborghini (Ferrucio's son) is selling. You can get a Lambo phone with gold plating or crocodile skin, but unfortunately Lambo will no longer just sprinkle some diamonds on your phone (that was a special edition). Prices start at $2,725.

Photo Credit: Tonino Lamborghini


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

8.) Lamborghini watch

Suggested By: Kiwi_Commander

What you get: What's worse than a Lamborghini phone? Their watches, which may be the ugliest ever made. Nothing says you still wear polyester like one of these chronographs, starting from $1,650 and rolling up into a few grand.

Photo Credit: Tonino Lamborghini


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

7.) Prius clothes

Suggested By: there's a worm in my apple

What you get: It doesn't look like these are officially sponsored by Toyota, but if you ever see a person wearing a "Prius…Envy?" shirt, you are free to punch them square in the face. We just can't decide if the t-shirts are worse than the Prius thongs.

Photo Credit: Cafepress/hybridstuff


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

6.) Porsche bong

Suggested By: wormyguy

What you get: Technically, this is a $1,738 (€ 1,350) shisha pipe, filed under Porsche Design's "useful things" section. We like to think of it as the Porsche bong. Only the classiest sticky green need apply.

Photo Credit: Porsche Design


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

5.) Ferrari laptop

Suggested By: JarvmanBronx960

What you get: There is no way for anyone to take you seriously with a Ferrari Acer laptop. It's no faster or more functional than a regular notebook, but it costs four times as much.

Photo Credit: Ferrari


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can Buy

4.) Mercedes-Benz milk jug

Suggested By: syaieya

What you get: We like to think that this $18.50 Mercedes-Benz milk jug is a highly precise, overengineered masterpiece, but it just looks like a regular porcelain jug. What kind of world is this where Stuttgart's finest sells milk jugs, but not Mercedes-brand lederhosen?

Photo Credit: Mercedes-Benz


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

3.) Ferrari golf club

Suggested By: ElVerde1

What you get: This is a $300 Cobra golf club that costs $2,000 because…it's red.

Photo Credit: Ferrari


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

2.) Hummer cologne

Suggested By: SennaMP4

What you get: We thought that with Hummer dead, it would be impossible to buy Hummer-brand cologne anymore. We were wrong. Trailer park chic starts at around $25.

Photo Credit: Hummer


The Ten Worst Automaker-Branded Products You Can BuyS

1.) Ferrari clothing of any kind

Suggested By: PTLmarketingltd

What you get: Just because you wear a bright red Ferrari shirt, doesn't mean you're fooling anyone into thinking you own one. If you happen to have purchased Ferrari's $1,649 FF leather jacket, you probably do own a real Ferrari, but you still look like you just got out of an acrimonious divorce. The exception to this, of course, is anyone who owns a 348 or 308. Then you're just awesome.

Photo Credit: Ferrari