Sex, A Gun, A Fight, All In Moving Car, And Of Course It's In Florida

How do you do it, Florida? Is it something about the way peninsulas contort the Earth's magnetic field that makes everyone who lives in you so batshit? Take, for example, this story about a Port Charlotte, Florida man and two women.

It allegedly went down like this: guy leaves a bar with two ladies, no doubt feeling like everything's finally working out in life. He takes the two ladies in his car back to a home (it's not clear whose home). Once there, he makes plans to have sex with one of the women, who asks for $250. The guy offers all he has, $120, and, proud of his top-notch negotiation skills, retreats to a bathroom to prepare. Let's hope he showered, or at least washed his hands or something.

When the guy emerges from the bathroom, ready to get every penny out of that $120, he finds both women gone. If this was a slightly dirty sitcom, the guy would be standing there in underpants with hearts all over them as that "waaaahh waaaahh waaaaaahhhh" horn sound played.

Undaunted and still horny enough to cloud judgement, the guy calls the woman, who agrees to meet him at a nearby convenience store. Why'd she take the call? Who the hell knows. Anyway, the guy shows up, finds the woman he gave his money to gone, and her friend there. The other woman, Amanda Jean Linscott (pictured above, and, yikes) gets in the guy's car, explaining the other woman ditched her.

Now, here's where it gets really good. While driving, Linscott starts touching our protagonist (?) and, according to the local Fox affiliate, "having sex while he was driving." Having snared the driver in her sensual web, she explains that she needs money, too. Our guy explains he gave all his cash to the first woman, so Linscott does the only rational thing she can think of to a horny, admittedly broke guy driving a car: she pulls a .357 revolver, points it at his head, and demands money.

Of course, this all turned out just as she planned. The guy grabs the gun, they struggle, he punches her in the face, and then, just to really cap the night off, he loses control of the Nissan Sentra and hits a palm tree. He bolts across a couple of lawns, she takes off. Eventually, he goes back to the car, limps it over to some nearby friends who presumably laugh at their poor, horny, judgement-impaired pal, and call the cops.

Linscott is apprehended from what appears to be her own home nearby— her father greeted the cops, and is now being held without bond.

What a night, right? This guy may have wrecked a car, but I bet this will be his go-to story for months to come. Though I don't think it'll make him too much of a hit with the ladies.

Now somebody put that animated GIF of Bugs Bunny cutting Florida off in the comments, already. We really should just write a script to have it appear automatically, but I wouldn't want to take away anyone's fun.

(Thanks Ali Alattar! Sources: Fox4)