In advance of their show they've deposed me as leader of Jalopnik in a bloody coup attempt. I am writing to you from a secret bunker somewhere in Virginia. Hide your wagons. Hide your children. Hide your sprite-based cocktails.
UPDATE: I've taken control back from the usurpers. I shall now return Jalopnik to its former glory.
I have no control. They are in charge. Gawker Media takes no responsibility for what's about to happen.
May we be saved by the power of Zuul.