The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Earlier this week rap impresario, luxury goods enthusiast and former prison guard Rick Ross dropped his fifth studio album, God Forgives, I Don't.

As is to be expected from Rick Ross, the album is dripping with lush descriptions of how great it is to be Rick Ross — especially when you're behind the wheel.

Hip-hop has always been laced with references to cars, whether they're 6-4 Impalas or G-Class Mercedes-Benzes. But Rick Ross takes it to a whole new level. Amid all the prose about expensive watches, crazy parties filled with sexy women and how haters won't hold him back, the Teflon Don name-drops a ton of high-end luxury and performance cars he supposedly owns. God Forgives, I Don't shows us what a true car guy Rick Ross really is.

Not only does this album have the fourth iteration of "Maybach Music," it's filled with odes to Porsches, Benzes, and even a few surprising choices like Ford Tauruses and Nissan Pathfinders.

I just have to wonder what Rozay is going to do once they stop making Maybachs. What's he going to call his record label then? S Class Music? Bentley Music? Veloster Turbo Music? Oh yeah, I like that last one.

Join us as we explore just some of the soliloquies Rick Ross has devoted to cars in his new album. Did I miss any? What do you think of God Forgives, I Don't? Let us know in Kinja.

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: Hold Me Back

"First I got me a Taurus, then I copped me a Lexus
I took over Florida, my connect out of Texas
Then I start sippin' purple, got my shit screwed
When you feedin' your circle, watch your shipments improve"

I think we can all agree that a Lexus is a step up from a Taurus. This song is a testament to Ross' (alleged) skills as an entrepreneur in the underground pharmaceutical industry.

Photo credit Bryce Womeldurf

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: 911

"I bow my head, I pray to God
Survival of the fittest; help me hold my chopper lord
If I die today, on the highway to heaven
Can I let my top down in my 911?"

In this song, Ross claims the Porsche cost him a quarter-million. Even if he got a Turbo S Cabriolet with all the options, that seems a bit high to me. Maybe Ross should work on his credit score.

Photo credit BeverlyHillsPorsches

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: Sixteen

"Eisenhower status, Etta James on the dash
Smooth as John Coltrane cruising in the Cadillac
Seville - feel my life on the real
We the Last Poets so this is a world premiere"

Next time someone asks how you're doing, say "Eisenhower status." I don't know what it means either, but it sounds cool as hell. Here, Ross raps about a Cadillac Seville, which I take to mean one of the neo-baroque monstrosities from the late 70s and early 80s. They're perfectly suited to drug dealers as well as old people who wear white loafers.

Photo credit That Hartford Guy

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: Maybach Music IV

Basically, the whole damn song is about how great it is to be among the Maybach-owning filthy rich. Despite vocals from the always smooth Ne-Yo, it's probably not as good a song as Maybach Music I through III, but it gets its point across.

Photo credit Georg Schwalbach (GS1311)

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: Touch'N You

"Top of the Ferrari now we thugged out
Smoking on that callie bumping 2Pac
It's me against the world now what's your phone number
Jumping in that Range Rover and I'm coming over"

What kind of Ferrari would Rick Ross drive? I see him in a California, given his known predilection for drop-tops. Plus, he's a big dude, so I'm not sure he could fit into a 458 Italia. Bonus points for the Range Rover mention, Ross!

The Rick Ross Guide To High-End Automobiles

Song: Triple Beam Dreams

"Brand new S-Class with a meal ticket
N***a cocaine white as Tommy Hilfiger
Ralph Lauren Blue Label as I'm gettin' high
Triple beam dreamin' as the cream multiples"

Thanks to Urban Dictionary, we know that triple beams, those things we used to weigh shit in science class, are also especially useful at measuring drugs. Here, the Teflon Don alludes to their usefulness in the sale of cocaine, the proceeds of which are then used to obtain a Mercedes S-Class. Thanks for the tip, Ross!