The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

As President-for-Life of your independent "Democratic Republic" you've tried to be just, but now your subjects voters want blood. Here are the ten vehicles Jalopnik readers think are best equipped to get you through the rock-throwing throngs as safely as possible.

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Photo Credit: MGM

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

10.) Bowler Wildcat

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it's untouchable:The British Bowler is about the fastest closed all-terrain vehicle with two seats that money can buy. The desert-rally reject has a Jaguar V8 and the power to extricate yourself from any situation post haste.

PR Crisis Level: Low.

Photo Credit: Alexis Birkill

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

9.) Garbage truck/trash compactor

Suggested By: ranwhenparked

Why it's untouchable: Taking inspiration from Soylent Green, get a truck with a built-in trash compactor and then just scoop the "undesirables" screaming, crushing, to their demise. You will be tried in the Hague for this one, but the sheer horror that you will spread through the crowd will get you out safe.

PR Crisis Level: Unbelievably high.

Photo Credit: MGM

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A Riot

8.) Russian jet-powered runway driers

Suggested By: makopolo

Why it's untouchable: Affixing a jet engine to the side of a truck to blow away/incinerate rioters is a similar approach to the trash compactors, but they're slightly less likely to haunt you with guilt-ridden nightmares for the rest of your life. These jets can tear asphalt from the ground, and would make short work of soft, disgruntled flesh. There is a slight fire risk.

PR Crisis Level: Extremely high.

Photo Credit: darkroastedblend

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A Riot

7.) A parade float

Suggested By: meatbag von pussrocket

Why it's untouchable: Ideally, no one will suspect that a parade float could harbor anyone dangerous and rioters will let the big, bright paper mâché contraption through without incident. If not, you can always pretend to meet everyone's demands, declare a national holiday or something, and quietly sneak off when the rioters begin an impromptu parade with your captured float.

PR Crisis Level: Moderate.

Photo Credit: Zeetz Jones

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

6.) Kamaz Master

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it's untouchable: Kamaz is a Russian truck manufacturer best known for building the most successful Dakar racing trucks of all time. Huge diesel engines and unparalleled off-road ability are coupled with enough space to carry all the supplies any fleeing dictator could need for a week-long escape through the desert, jungle, mountains, or wherever else you've set up your puppet republic.

PR Crisis Level: Low.

Photo Credit: Marcelo Maragni/Andre Chaco/Gustavo Cherro/Red Bull Photofiles

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A Riot

5.) Humvee with Active Denial System

Suggested By: Kiwi_Commander

Why it's untouchable: Vehicle-mounted Active Denial System (V-MADS) is a non-lethal crowd control weapon developed by the Air Force Research Laboratory and the Department of Defense's Joint Non-Lethal Weapons Directorate through the mid-2000s. It works by shooting a beam of what are basically microwaves to heat and burn people's skin.

It was never deployed in combat, but it will be surprisingly effective against rioters. That said, it will definitely get you on the news.

PR Crisis Level: High.

Photo Credit: US Department of Defense

4.) Killdozer

Suggested By: DennyCraneDennyCraneDennyCrane

Why it's untouchable: There are armored bulldozers used by the military, but it's much more rewarding to build your own killdozer, much like a Colorado man did back in 2004, tearing down much of his small town, and proving that little stands in the way of a reinforced bulldozer.

PR Crisis Level: High.

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

3.) Dartz

Suggested By: Viperfan1

Why it's untouchable: Just because you're running for your life in an armored vehicle doesn't mean you have to sit in some military-grade penalty box. Estonia's Dartz will build you a protester-proof vehicle like the best military contractors; only Dartz will deck out the interior with leather, furs, gold-plated AKs, or whatever other luxury you can imagine.

PR Crisis Level: Low.

Photo Credit: Chris Wevers

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

2.) Force Industries Buffalo

Suggested By: Mightyduck836

Why it's untouchable: The Buffalo is what the military calls an MRAP, or Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle. It weighs between 45,000 and 56,000 pounds, its glass is six inches thick, its armor can take hits from RPGs, and it even has a robot arm for defusing bombs. At $10 million they're not cheap, but they'll get you through the absolute worst riot unharmed.

PR Crisis Level: Moderate.

Photo Credit: US National Guard

The Ten Best Vehicles To Drive Through A RiotS

1.) Force Industries Cougar

Suggested By: rawtoast

Why it's untouchable: The Buffalo is impressive, but it's overkill. When it comes to MRAPs, all you need is a Cougar. At a mere 38,000-49,000 pounds the Cougar is a comparative lightweight and with a listed price of $644,000, it's a bargain. You can save more money if you go for the smaller 4X4 version as opposed to the 6X6, but either way you'll get a 330-horsepower straight-six Caterpillar diesel engine, a 65 mile per hour top speed, and 600 miles of completely indestructible range.

PR Crisis Level: Low.

Photo Credit: US Army