COTD: Wine And Cheese Edition

Certain things in life are made for each other. You have the essential match of wine and cheese. You have your peanut butter and jelly; you have your peanut butter and chocolate. Words and guitar, Bogey and Bacall, Senna and Monaco: harmony is a wonderful thing.

There's probably science that shows why certain things complement each other — the softness of milk and the dry crunch of a good cookie — but sometimes things just match by accident. A young Keith Richards is curious about the records that the kid with the big lips is carrying. The small-block Chevy was never designed to be a race engine. We have happy accidents, things that just work. Which is the sort of thing that makes life full of continuing surprises.

And then there's the continuing surprises of doing it the other way, as Irving Washington considers in his pitch for an inverted reality that follows a school bus through a tornado:

A quiet farm road in Kansas. We hear children singing 'The Wheels on the Bus (Go 'Round and 'Round).' [check on rights!] The sky darkens as we hear a loud thunder effect.

Cut to in-bus camera. Frightened children exiting in an orderly way.

Angel Perry [thinking Alison Brie here; ask her to wash a bus]: Good. Children, stay in line. Don't shove. we're all getting off the bus together. Remember, everyone, stay together.

Gantry shot of children moving toward shelter pulling back to reveal tornado is meters away from bus. Cut back to in-bus cam as interior pieces begin to fly. Back to exterior as bus is hurled into nearby building and explodes in a massive fireball. Reaction shot of bus driver's face as her hair is blown back. Cut to landscape shot post-storm. Damage everywhere but sun is emerging.

Angel Perry: Everyone find your buddy. I'm calling roll. Karl?

Karl: Here.

Angel Perry: Jimmy?

Jimmy: Here.

Angel Perry: Dorothy? ... Dorothy? ... Has anyone seen Dorothy?

Cut to CGI pan over dystopian battlefield in a grim alternate universe. Two armies square off in a barren field beneath a red sky. A golden path divides them.

Narrator: Two great armies face each other.

One group is small, dwarf-like figures with simple weapons. The other is flying monkeys and disgusting ground monsters led by a woman in dark clothes and a large conical hat. The armies are silent before battle.

Narrator: In the final battle for control of their universe and ours. And also the gold standard.

The silence is broken as they all look skyward to see a flaming school bus plummeting from the sky. Loud guitar [see if Brian May's available]. The dark woman [try for Glenn Close; how old is she now?] is crushed by the falling bus, and her army withdraws startled. The small people rush into the burning bus to retrieve the unconscious body of a young girl in a blue gingham tactical jumpsuit with a utility belt and red hip-boots. A huge rottweiler comes bounding out of the bus. Cut to close up of collar tag "Toto." Cut to Dorothy [Amber Heard? someone action figurey] regaining consciousness.

Dorothy (puts on sunglasses, picks up futuristic rifle): I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Cut to montage of scenes: Dorothy riding a giant, armored lion-type creature, accompanied by a steam-punk looking robot [Transformers cross over in 2017?], and the goriest, most frightening scarecrow ever. [Children will laugh at Batman after seeing this scarecrow] Cresting a hill to look upon a green city. Cut to an epic flying monkey dogfight inside a tornado. Cut to giant, floating head of a wizard. Really loud guitar. Something explodes [working on it; doesn't matter what for the preview].

Narrator: This summer, there's no place like home.

The Wizard of Oz II: Monkeystorm. A film by Michael Bay.

Have a good weekend, folks.

Photo Credit: Erena Wilson/Shutterstock