Poor ol' Billy Mays. The late pitchman's gone but still top-of-mind among the literati who live under the floorboards of the Jalopnik set out on Studio 27. But can the wonderkinds get the Mays' blaring tone right using basic HTML? Behold.
So, here we are, discussing the newest pitch project from the guy who instructed his pint-sized, pre-reform-school spawn to lie to America on national TV about his sad reach for national fame. And whataaya know — it worked! Then Dukie (aka Walking Pneumonia & the Boogy Woogy Duke) whips out the Mays card and slams it down on the barrel, face up. To wit:
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE, BACK FROM THE DEAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS DOUCHE WAFFLE AND HIS TRUCK ROBOT!
ARE YOU GOING TO TRUST A GUY WHO TOLD AMERICA HIS KID WAS FLYING OVER THE COUNTRY IN A GIANT MYLAR BALLOON, TO MAKE SOMETHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE HEAVY SHIT FROM YOUR 1986 DODGE RAM!? I SURE WOULDN'T! HELL, I WOULDN'T EVEN WASTE A STICK OF MIGHTY PUTTY ON THAT THING!
Billy would have been proud to lend his artifice to such a comment.