Author Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt series doesn't just draw from Cussler's own imagination, but also his garage — a sprawling antique car collection that includes such notables as the ever-lustful Cadillac V-16. MaxxCravesTheOldGizmodo will never earn enough to buy even a Caddy V-16 badge off his Jalopnik comments, but this one about Russian truck racing is still worth remembering:

Vell, I vas drivink down on ze back stretch, gettink ready to pull around Anatoly, and ah all ov a zudden I vas just mindink my own bizness – BAM! It Hit me hard, right from zeE back! I vas glued to ze zeat, like havin polar bear in lap, or Sergei's vife, and I vas like "Wuuughghghghgh!

I could see ze ZIL in-front ov me, I vas about to hit him zo I kind ov veered off this vay and az I veered off this vay ze guy vho hit me veered off ze other vay and he hit ze ze spektators, flipped over, rolled over, run into ze electrical pole and I didn't know he hit ze pole and all ov zudden I kind ov stopped and I vas like vuuughhhhhhh! And ah, ze vires come down then BOOOM – then arrrrk – boom – rrrrr boom – fire vas comink everywhere arkink zparkink blowin' up! I zaw one ark go from ze corner ov my ZIL up to ze ZIL behind me. I vas like a big rainbow BOOOOOOM!! And it vas comink out BOOM BOOM and everyone's like GEEZ, zo I – I opened up my door – ____ no metal. And as I come up, I started to touch ze top and a little zpark startink to jump – and I zaid: "Whooooooa"! I stepped out this vay! Luckily I didn't get burned more.

Ah, it vas crazy, dude. Totally out ov ze blue, I mean – it vas – I vas just zitink there and I vas like BOOOOOOM!!! Reality zhe hits you hard bro!