Cars themselves don't talk down to you, drone on about parts catalogues, or generally piss on everything you love. They leave that to their owners. Here are the ten types of car owners that take all the fun out of cars, as chosen by Jalopnik readers.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
Photo Credit: Spencer Platt/Getty Images
Suggested By: blargablarga
Why we love to hate: MG fans, we're all happy for you that you love to spend a fine Sunday drive parked on the side of the road, fixing whatever piece of 1930s-era technology has exploded on your car this time, but we don't want to hear about it. Reader subframespacer explains,
"You know the kind of bar you go to because there's no goddamn bigscreen tvs showing football 24/7, and no loudmouths trying to turn the place into a frat party? Some little hole in the wall Irish pub that only has like two beers on tap? You go there so you can be alone with your thoughts. Put aside the cares of the day. Linger for an hour or so over a pint and not have to remember that you live in a world full of assholes and tax collectors and screaming kids. You sit your ass down on the barstool, and you can be completely alone for one brief shining moment. The only thing the bartender needs from you is a nod, then you get your beer and your silence. You are for that moment complete. It's pure bliss.
Then some guy with an MG wants to talk to you about valve stem seals."
Photo Credit: Anguskirk
9.) Honda Fan Boyz
Suggested By: Cheeseslap
Why we love to hate: This isn't for you S2K autocrossers or lovers of vintage Japanese cars. This isn't even for you old school CRX purists. This is for a specific kind of Honda fan boi. Listen, we'd like you guys more if your over-customized Hondas didn't come with an attitude more colorful and less original than your ride. A kind of personality that says "I drive a belly-scraping, five-different-shades-of-neon Honda to a car show and then look down on muscle cars."
Photo Credit: Wiros
8.) Smart cars
Suggested By: that other honda guy
Why we love to hate: Smart cars may seem to be cars, but they're actually anti-cars. We don't see anything wrong with painting your cars crazy colors and hanging out to talk about it, but we could care less about how geeked out you are about your vehicular appliance and how good those flowers look on it.
Photo Credit: CoolValley
7.) PT Cruiser fans
Suggested By: unhcampus
Why we love to hate: PT Cruiser fans fall into the same trap as the Honda owners who, rather than accept they're part of a counter-culture, presume to represent the community at large given the number of dorky retromobiles sold.
Photo Credit: Bruce Fingerhood
6.) On-Road Jeep Wrangler Nuts
Suggested By: Iowa11
Why we love to hate: The whole point of Jeeps is going offroad, so why do you meet every week in a parking lot? Actually, why do you never get offroad? For every die hard fan who keeps taking Jeeps offroad even with a major mechanical failure every twenty minutes, there are a dozen Call of Duty playing poseur bros to give them a bad name.
Photo Credit: '09 Spyder
5.) Late Model Mustangs
Suggested By: BrtStlnd
Why we love to hate: We all love cars here, but what we don't love are superiority complexes. Mustang drivers have some awesome and awesomely fast cars, but man do we not have to hear about how much better they are than M3s, Camaros, Corvettes, and Challengers.
Photo Credit: Charlie J
4.) VDub is in the Haus!
Suggested By: Brian_the_R
Why we love to hate: Our favorite things about cars are, well, the cars. Not the roof racks, not the obsessive conformity to a single look, just the cars. Why do I get the feeling every time I'm listening to VW fans that it's the lifestyle, not the cars that are important?
We're just kidding, we love you Volkswagen fanboys. If it wasn't for you, who else would we make fun of as the ultimate hipsters of the car world?
Photo Credit: David Atkinson Images
Suggested By: Spartendog
Why we love to hate: Face it Subaru fanboys, you love the hate, too. You're proud to be different, to drive something unique and stand out in the endless sea of beige with a WRX or an STi. But then you guys all meet up together on forums and at car meets and it's just plain to see for the rest of the world that you painted your cars the same, lowered them the same, sat them on the same rims, and drive the same.
Photo Credit: Bryce Womeldurf
2.) BMW fanboys
Suggested By: wmg
Why we love to hate: We're happy for all you E30, clown shoe, and 2002 owners, we really are, but damn, if there was ever a group of know-it-all, elite car bastards it's BMW fans. From the 335i owner stancin' past whatever POS you drive to the E9 owner who won't let you breathe harshly in the direction of his car, nobody shows off their tool academy diplomas like the Bimmer crowd.
Photo Credit: Edward Perez
1.) MOPAR fans
Suggested By: Stratocaster
Why we love to hate: There really was no competing with Mopar fans for the top spot in this hate-a-thon, because they've got a one-two-punch of terrible. First, there are the Neon/SRT4 fans. We could forgive the bad paintjobs, loud exhausts, and painful bodykits, but we can't excuse the snobby attitude, especially when the stakes are so low in bargain sports compacts.
What really pulls the Mopar fans into the lead are the fabulously inane muscle car heads out there. From the more money than taste million dollar ‘Cuda crowd to the everyday numbers-matching pedant, nobody pisses on your breakfast cereal like a Mopar fan. It's your kind of devotion that gives the world some of the most committed, passionate gearheads out there, but please, baby Jesus, if you stop telling me about the ram air effect on your Dodge Polara, I swear I'll do anything you want.
Photo Credit: Ham Hock