Why would anyone ever want to buy a government surplus armored vehicle? We know it's a stupid question, but for those in the world who aren't blinded by weird automotive obsession, it's one you are likely to hear. In an effort to simultaneously convince one of our readers to purchase this awesome vehicle and aid said armored vehicle purchaser in defending their choice to the rest of the world, here are our favorite nine reasons to purchase this armored vehicle currently on Ebay.
1) It was built using 1/4 inch steel .
Nothing says unbelievably heavy and nearly impossible to destroy like an armored body built to withstand almost everything. No word on whether or not the body is bulletproof, but the windows are merely bullet resistant.
2) It can drive through walls.
There is no mention of this in the listing, but I feel pretty safe guessing most walls would be no match for this armor plated vehicle. I'm going to assume the same for garden sheds, abandoned RVs, and almost anything else you are daring enough to try and drive this truck through.
3) Dodge trucks from the 80s are cool even when they aren't armor plated
Not many Dodge trucks from this time period survived in the Northeast, often due to the rust prone (and non armor plated) bodies the trucks left the factory with. If you could look past the body the trucks were nearly indestructible, a fact I learned behind the wheel of a 1984 Dodge Ram that felt like a tank even without armor plating.
4) It has a huge winch
If for some reason you do run into an issue while smashing through walls or whatever else you
drive towards at speed come across, don't worry. With the help of this armored vehicles heavy duty winch you should out in no time. That is of course as long as you can find an anchor that is unfazed by the weight of an armored vehicle.
5) No one will tailgate you
Currently this vehicle is limited to 45 MPH due to a shaking steering wheel problem at higher speeds, but we have a feeling even at that speed you won't have to worry about people getting too close to your rear bumper. Same goes for four way stop face-offs, dashes for parking spots and any other situation in which you would normally yield to another vehicle.
6) It has air conditioning
To keep you cool in a heavily armored vehicle with minimal airflow, A/C is a must, especially at this time of year. Fortunately this vehicle has Air Conditioning. Unfortunately the Air Conditioning needs more freon, which makes the claim it currently blows cold a little hard to believe. At least the heat blows hot.
7) It has only traveled 24,105 miles
Not surprisingly, this vehicle hasn't traveled a whole lot of miles in its 29 years of service. We imagine there would be quite a few interesting stories over those relatively few miles if this armored vehicle could talk though.
8) It has bulletproof tires
You read that right, unlike the light-beer-equivalent "bullet resistant" windows, the silicone filled tires are the real deal, entirely bulletproof.
9) It's an armored vehicle with a current high bid of only $7800
This is really the only reason you need in this weekend editor's opinion. It's an old armored car for sale on Ebay with a sub $9000 reserve price. Is the idea of purchasing it totally ridiculous? Perhaps. Is this vehicle the best way to turn your hard earned cash into armored wall-smashing (we think) fun with seemingly endless possibilities for amusement and adventure? Absolutely.