Attention public figures, like Ohio Rep. Robert Mecklenborg. Please make sure both your headlights are working before driving drunk and jacked up on Viagra with a possible 26-year-old stripper in the car, likely unbeknownst to your wife and three children.

That would be untoward. And then there's the whole failing-the-field-sobriety-test thing on video, which winds up on YouTube. These things are bad.

Pay particular attention to the trained manner in which the blue-pill-addled Ohioan lawmaker attempts to filibuster a very, very patient Indiana state trooper, after failing several spot tests for intoxication. Can he keep the trooper on scene long enough — by repetitive questioning — for all the scotch to exit his liver? Sorry, but the troop's not having it. "Click" go the handcuffs.

Also, I had no idea Ohio and Indiana were beefing so heavy — note how the trooper says something about "you Ohio people." As one of those shithead New Yorkers who thinks both states were cloned from the same jar of Hellmann's mayonnaise circa 1938, I find this kind of thing unbelievable. At least outside of college football.

According to reports, what happened next — two months ago — was that Mecklenborg's blood alcohol content registered at 0.097 percent. A toxicology screening also picked up Viva Viagra and another, unidentified pharmaceutical drug in his system.

So how might concerned Ohioans know Rep. Robert Mecklenborg? He's the staunch Republican who sponsored an addition to Ohio's guns-in-bars bill, clarifying that gun-carrying patrons are prohibited from drinking beer and hard liquor. Let's see how many bartenders enforce that rule. "Yeah, boss. That'll be 10 boilermakers. Now let's put down the .38, mmmkay?"

See what happens when Ohio legislators open a bar at the state house? All hell breaks loose.

(Thanks to Damon for the tip.)