For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

Don McLean famously sang about driving his Chevy to the levee, where sadly he discovered they couldn't serve booze. If he had been driving today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe hot rod Step Van he could have been drinking whiskey and rye in no time, but may have found its price to be too much dough for his American Pie.

An ode to the 911

I dearly love Porsche's 911
And swoon whenever one passes.
But cornering in one is far from heaven
As their engines hang over their asses

Sure, go ahead and revoke my poetic license just leave me my driver's license as you never know when I might get a turn behind the wheel of a car like yesterday's 1977 Porsche Turbo Carrera. Brutal, uncompromising, and clearly not for dilettantes, so went yesterday's voting, engendering some heavy opinions on both sides of the turbo coin. Regardless, it unsurprisingly swung the Porsche's way - much like that 930 might swing though a corner should the rear end break loose - resulting in a 80% Nice Price win.

No matter how you spin it, postal workers get a bad rap. For a while there, it seemed like not a month went by when there wasn't a story in the news about some disgruntled postal worker running amok and either shooting the place up or delivering our Netflix discs snapped in two.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

But then who can blame them? After all, they have to deal with kids dropping dog turds into corner mailboxes, the never-ending stream of cards and letters, and that whole neither rain nor sleet baloney. Worst of all, they never get to drive postal vehicles like today's 396-powered '88 Step Van. With that built and blueprinted big block in its doghouse, this former short-haul mail delivery truck brings new meaning to the phase going postal.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-go

Right now you might be asking yourself; self, what is this, freaky Friday? Who in the hell would want a hot rod Step Van? Allow me to retort; who in the hell wouldn't? Imagine everything you could do with this beast. You could cut a hole in the side and sell Popsicles out of it. It'll be fast enough to outrun the angry dads who find out you're trying to give their daughters free big sticks. Or, paint it like an armored car, weld expandable mesh over the windows, and double park for free everywhere you go. Or, paint it to look like a Snap-on truck, pull into the warehouse and load up. Then burn rubber getting the hell out of there.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

If you're in a band or a satanic cult, this could be the ride for you; its lockable and commodious cargo area being perfect for either massive drum kit or Rubenesque virgin transport. Or maybe, like the seller's original intention, you just need something that'll move your bulky valuables and want to keep them locked up. The seller says this P30 was intended to haul both Harleys and ass, but a late in the game decision to go hog wild rather than undercover left this monster without purpose, hence the sale.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

The 396 was originally introduced in 1965 and came with either two or four bolt mains, depending on the edition. This one is claimed to be a ‘72 which I think means it's really a 402. Either way it's supposed to be 1,500 miles young. These big blocks were seriously oversquare, and that big bore allows for big valves and good breathing. Here, the seller says it's balanced and blueprinted and has been given an Isky cam and a 4BBL carb to feed all eight of those hungry mouths. The tranny's been serviced and 4.11 gears in the diff should make it a little more sprightly off the line, but more of a chore on the highway. Or maybe the opposite; I always get that higher/lower, faster/slower gear thing mixed up. Regardless, he says your grandma could drive it.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

Up in the cab there's a set of back seats out of a Suburban resplendent in luxurious leather, while the pilot's seat looks to still be government issue. The truck has 78,000 miles on it, and as it was a short-haul mail getter, you can bet those miles were brutal. Regardless, these trucks were designed to take abuse, and the seller says the shocks and much of the suspension have been renewed or replaced. Tires are new as well - all six of them - and they're big, like Coco's ass big.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

There's something both weird and wonderful about the thought of a hot rod Step Van, and a real use for this would be as a kick-ass tow vehicle - although maybe with a different gearset. I picture it primer gray and kerosene-rubbed, with the world's biggest lake pipes adorning each side. Pulling into the cold pits with your racer in tow, the 396 burbling and farting like a horny bison, it will give you an instant psychological advantage over your unworthy opponents.

For $7,000, it’s a step van-goS

However, a hurdle to that ever happening may be its price - which is $7,000. A glance around the web indicates a ton of Chevy Steps, all in various shades of refrigerator white, that can be had for both more and less. None of those however, come with that bad-ass big block. That being said, seven large is a whole lot of forever stamps, and as this van has probably a very narrow niche of applicability, even at a quantity of one, its supply might just exceed demand. What do you think about that price - even if YOU wouldn't buy it - is it good enough for somebody to tell the seller the check is in the mail? Or, does that price make you want to go postal?

You decide!

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