The prescription for criminal teen car lust in the 1970s? "Joy Ride - An Auto Theft," an educational film exploring questions like "Why would anyone leave their keys in a '68 Satellite?" and "What does 'dudeing' mean?"

The plot: Two youths tire of playing an unplugged pinball machine liberate a Plymouth from the chains of ownership, get attacked by ovum-wielding barbarians and lure two female companions into some pre-Atari roleplay. All of this happens with a soundtrack capturing the Gordon Lightfoot vs. coke-fiend-with-a-Moog feel of the era. Being an educational film from 1976, you can guess how tragically it ends. (Spoiler alert: Very.)

If you're like us, this film seems far more educational now than it likely was 34 years ago. For being an unlicensed punk with a Prince Valiant haircut, the kid driving really knows how to handle a Plymouth on Mulholland Drive. Tiny British sports cars still ooze cool along with all their other fluids. And no one tell Hemmings about the Ford in the woods; they may launch a search party.

Also, hot shots? Still annoying.