Every Halloween the streets fill with tiny Supermen, Batmen, Green Lanterns (not many Aquamen). There are some superheroes you must avoid. Can they fight bad guys? They can't even drive to where the bad guys are.
If you're a real superhero you must have an equally super ride. The Green Hornet's Black Beauty, the Silver Surfer's chrome board, you get the idea.
Unfortunately, these superheroes don't have a clue.
Superhero: Wonder Woman
Vehicle: Invisible Jet
What's Wrong With It: The best thing about Wonder Woman is, well, looking at Wonder Woman. And an invisible jet would be a good idea except for the fact that you can see everything that's inside it, including Wonder Woman. Good for us, not good for her. Kind of a security flaw if you ask me.
Superhero: Greatest American Hero
Vehicle: Plymouth Fury unmarked police car
What's Wrong With It: So you can fly, but you have to drive to the scenes of crimes in a Plymouth Fury? To make matters worse, the superhero doesn't even drive, Robert Culp takes him everywhere.
Superhero: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Vehicle: Turtle Van
What's Wrong With It: If you take the time and trouble to live in a sewer, one would imagine you're trying to maintain some level of secrecy. So why would you drive around in a bright yellow van that not only has a giant wing on top, but your name on the front? It does have a pizza gun, so extra points for that.
Superhero: Hong Kong Phooey
Vehicle: Pagoda Car
What's Wrong With It: So maybe Hong Kong Phooey isn't exactly a superhero, but was this their best idea? It's kind of like the Flintmobile with a tent on the roof. And why did the Number One Best Guy make it the size of a phone booth?
Superhero: Inspector Gadget
What's Wrong With It: I know that if I was building a superhero car my first move would be to lay my hands on a 1962 Lincoln Continental. That's assuming I had completely given up on catching bad guys. On top of that the Gadgetmobile is as unreliable as a Jaguar, as ugly as a Kia and slow as a, well, a Lincoln Continental. That explains why he had to invent the helicopter hat. For the cartoon version he upgraded to a strange, Impulse-esque type car.
What's Wrong With It: What's with the superheroes and the Lincoln-based cars? C'mon people, we had Ferraris by 1965. The Batmobile takes forever to start, needs parachutes to do a simple u-turn and the telephone has WIRES for chrissakes. And if it rains, you have yourself a wet superhero. Criminals don't respect that.