World’s Biggest Badass Leaves Crash Scene To Get Tattoo, Rochambeaux Cop

According to Chris Johnson, the cops have it all wrong: He didn't flee the scene of an accident to get a tattoo and kick a cop in the balls. He did all that, but he had, you know, reasons, too.

This is the gist of what follows: As reported in the Seattle Weekly, Chris Johnson "got into a minor accident, got a tattoo, then had a run-in with a cop." But as he so astutely points out in the SW piece, there's more to it than that.

First, the dude that Johnson hit with his work truck was a total pussy — he only hit the guy's bumper with his tire, and the mark wiped right off. The other driver didn't have to make such a scene; he could have gotten Johnson's details off the website address stenciled on his truck's door. Duh.

Second, Johnson says he had to blow the scene, because it was, well, important: He had an appointment at Slave to the Needle to get his son's name tattooed on his neck. Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment at Slave?

Lastly, about that cop? Well hell yeah he kicked him in the balls, but he was handcuffed at the time and being restrained by another officer and he was provoked and he only did it after the cop shouted "'You see this [points to badge]? This means I can scream at and yell at whoever the fuck I want. I'm gonna show you how it feels to be intimidated."

The officer shouted all this at Johnson's wife. He then fell on his face after trying to knee Johnson in his face.

"He was stepping towards me again, so I kicked him in the nuts," says Johnson, who also admits to having a criminal record for drunken brawls and growing marijuana. Naturally.



[Seattle Weekly]