If the concept of a Buick sports car makes you put on your Moe face and go whaaaa? you're not alone. With fewer than 22,000 total sold, today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Reatta wasn't fooling anybody.
Also not fooling anybody was yesterday's flexi-flyer for more than five grand. Just as certain flashing lights can send an epileptic into a pants-pissing convulsion, so yesterday did the '82 Charger convertible evoke a bilious haterade that spread like a dark stain across our communal crotch. With a 94% Crack Pipe loss, it'll be a cold day in hell before another L-body vert shows its face around here.
But we're all back here to face yet another challenge, one that sadly, we face all too frequently - that of reading a Craigslist ad written by someone with little command of the English language, but full command of the CAPS LOCK KEY! Not only has "clint" never met a capital letter he didn't like, but he's also got a major hard-on for commas. Me, I'm more of an ampersand man.
Along with his middle finger in the face of William F. Buckley writing style, clint has a 1989 Buick Reatta that he'd like to unload. He'll take cash, or motorcycles and trucks in trade. Based on his Edger Rice Burroughs' creation communication approach, you'd think he'd be more interested in loin cloths and adult-size chimpanzee Depends.
The Reatta was part of one of GM's many reinvention strategies. Hand built at the Lansing Craft Centre by olde-world UAW members, and based on a shortened E-platform, the Reatta was the first two-seater production car from Buick since the 1940 model 46. That capacity being Martin and Lewis, rather than Rat Pack - plus its pop-up headlights - recalled the sultry 1938 Buick Y-Job as well.
Today's Reatta, as presented by clint, comes in Bright Red, a color that seems to have been common to about 90% of all Reattas (reatti?) built. The car looks original, down the five spoke alloys and leather-wrapped three-spoke steering wheel. The 3800-cc LN3 V6 could be found under the hoods of all Reattas in 1989, and this one should still have many of the 165 ponies it corralled back then. Mated to that pushrodder is a 4T60 4-speed slusher with overdrive on the top cog. For those of you complaining about it not being a stick, that's the only way it came, and this is a Buick, after all.
Inside, the stock florescent display dash and Vectrex™ electronic control center have been accessorized with a yellow tree car deodorizer, potentially making the Reatta interior redolent of fresh lemons, or perhaps cat whiz, depending upon the brand. There's also a black and white cover over the driver's seat, giving the impression of it being attired in a flattened road-kill badger, which is something you don't see everyday. The gauges and screen are lit up in the dash shot, so we can assume everything is pretty much working. That would be key as the Reatta came with every bell and whistle Buick could fit into it, and repairing that stuff today would be like trying to get your Sega Saturn fixed so you can play Road Rash again.
Being a man of few words and much emotion, comma-loving clint conspicuously doesn't spill the Buick's mileage, so how many times its been around the block is anybody's guess. What you don't need to guess about is the price, which, in lieu of the aforementioned bikes and trucks, has been set by clint at $3,500.
What do you think, does $3,500 for Buick's take on a sports car make you want to hold down your comma key? Or, does that price make this Reatta regrettable?
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