America's most-watched racing series posted a birthday-party invite on Craigslist and apparently fears for its death. Anyone in San Francisco want to get "blackout drunk" on Saturday?

Aw, NASCAR, we know you're not a "looser." We know making friends in San Francisco is hard. Chin up, buddy! You just blow your little nose into your sponsor-plastered T-shirt and think about better days, days when your cars weren't ugly, when Tony Stewart wasn't the only driver with an open mouth, and when we didn't fall asleep during the Daytona 500.

We'd show up and all, but, uh, I think we're busy. We have to dry our hair. And traffic at that time of night is horrible. Yeah. But best wishes. Definitely.

Photo Credit: Upnextinsports