The Cars Of Walmart Volume II GalleryBen Wojdyla12/11/09 5:02pmFiled to: Walmart CarsGalleryEditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalink The passing of the mullet from one generation to the next. There is much sage wisdom in bumper sticker form. Because a Purple Safari wasn't eye-catching enough. We're suspecting this is the staff car at the local finishing academy. The panda painted on the side is the first thing to catch your eye. Then you notice the house-style sun room hacked onto the back. This is the rare LeMans prototype Chevy S10, how it got into regular circulation we'll never know. This is actually pretty funny. Well done you hearse-wanna-be-driving weirdo. A well preserved example of the prehistoric Kia Spectra. Note the elaborate spine plates and horn. Mo' muney, mo' problems, like dented as hell rims. We don't even know what this means, let alone why you'd paint it on your hood. Hey, even creepy unibomber-like hermits have to buy bulk toilet paper. This one hurts our brains. Why Bob Saget? Why on the tailgate. Why not paint the tailgate first? We're betting Larry's doesn't get many return customers. The plywood tailgate option came with the much sought after hand painted Chevy badge. Nothing runs like a Chevy Cavalier Deere, which is badly. The Festiva is a clown car, we get it. How to make a molester van even creepier: Cover it in green fur. Ooooh, that stings. Where's Calvin peeing on something? The King of Wisconsin arrives at the latest Walmart grand opening. And you thought the Landau top was tasteless. Calvin is peeing on "X-Wife" by the way. That might be related to the wheel cover. Huh. Don't see that every day. Extra super crazy people gotta shop too. Where do you think they got all those crazy bumper stickers and craft supplies? We would totally rock this bus. We'd need a lot more friends with dread locks though. When hazing goes wrong. Cause nothing says Costa Rican heritage like covering a Corolla in freaky troll dolls. We have no idea what this means. It probably means there's drugs hidden in the lining of the child safety seat. Just what the Doctor ordered, a busted Buick LaSabre. Drink it! Drink the Kool Aid! It's the only way you'll like those rimz. Pedophile parking is so hard to find. They stole his sense of style! Though Glen Quagmire is an airlines pilot and makes good money, we imagine him driving a car very much like this. Except with more rotating velvet bed in the back and disco ball inside. What the builder of this van did is one of the most insanely idiotic things we've ever seen. At no point in the rambling, incoherent project do we see anything that could be considered a rational customization. Everyone reading this post is now dumber for having looked at it. We award this faux Ghost Busters van no points, and may God have mercy on the builder's soul. The Cobalt looks on longingly at the gentleman's sassy heels and cute skirt, wishing its designers hadn't penned it with sheetmetal that was such a lie. We smell a scam. Why wouldn't you advertise on the car? Little old ladies are so untrustworthy these days. Yikes. We're sorry. Ranchero: Check. Caged Goat: Check. Walmart: Check. America! Fuck Yeah! RUN AWAY! (We don't know why we do these things to you, you're good people. We're sorry.( No we're not.)) If a man shits in a Walmart parking lot, do strategically placed shopping carts obscure the view? No. No they don't. Er... um... moving on. The King of NASCAR arrives for the grand opening of the infield Walmart at Talladega. At least they field dressed it before throwing it in the back of the car. This is obviously a classy gentleman preparing for a night on the town. This is how you take all your sweet new loot home from Walmart. Clay Aiken is creepy enough, putting a collage of his visage on your Saturn reads off the charts. "Obama's Secret Service trashed limo" The deer head is to appease the southern constituents. Step 1: Pimp Nissans. Step 2: Hit Walmart. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Get both money and bitches. RUN AWAY!