My Short-Lived Filmmaking Career Made Z-List Stars Of '56 Chevy, '79 Granada

Maybe if Super 8 film hadn't been such a comprehensively terrible medium, I'd have kept making films; who knows, by now I might have become The King Of Eastern European Dental Fetish Porn!

Well, probably not- a career of filming Ukrainian junkies performing lewd acts with surplus Soviet Navy dental gear requires more dedication to one's craft than I can muster. Anyway, during 1984 and 1985 I put together a few short Super 8 films, with my sleazeball friends as cast and plenty of beater vehicles. You've already seen the protagonist of The Green Death, a cautionary sex-education film warning America's youth of a brain-dissolving STD, siphoning gas for his '68 Cyclone, and now I've dug up a few outtakes from The Phone Police, a crypto-documentary showing the psychosurgical methods employed by lab-coated, Ford Granada-driving rent-a-cops employed by The Bell System. We've got the beater 1956 Chevrolet Bel Air owned by my friend Willy (seen here flying off the hood of his car) and the evil ex-rental-car 1979 Ford Granada that spent most of the 1980s as La Familia Martin's vehicular punching bag; I believe it had already been wrecked and repaired with junkyard parts on three occasions at the time of The Phone Police's shooting.